u/yogrlw

My little one is going to be 9m on the 18th and honestly since he was born I haven't been able to consistently do anything. My freelancing career is all but dead and my house is not nearly as clean as I'd like. I'm lucky if I get to clean half the house on any given day. My son just wants me to be with him (holding him, sitting with him etc) at all times. He refuses to nap if I'm not laying with him and his crib has been pure decoration since he was born (he probably slept in there no more than 10 times). I've tried all kinds of different things to get him to nap in his crib but he just won't budge.

I find myself getting extremely depressed over not being able to clean or do small things I enjoy (I can't even read, the moment little man notices my book his first instinct is to try and eat it lol) I keep hearing about and seeing other moms living normal lives lol and I wonder if there's something I'm doing wrong.

My 2 choices are let him whine/cry and get things done or give in and get nothing done but at least he's not crying. I Personally don't mind the crying and whining I just dont want to do anything that may hurt him( make him feel unloved,damage his attachment, etc) I'd love some advice.

So my mother in law unprompted decided to start making my baby's purees the moment we started solids. I dont like her but I appreciated the help. The other day (I've been giving him her food for at least 2 months now on and off) I tasted the second batch she brought and I taste the unmistakable taste of honey in an apple puree. I asked if she added it to the food and she said "yes, I used raw honey, I thought it would be better than sugar).

This woman has had 3 children, how could she not know? Never mind that, I said multiple times to my husband and I'm pretty sure I told her too that he is not allowed honey until age 1. And still, completely unnecessarily she added raw honey to his food (pureed fruits and even in sweet potato) forget about the fact that the sweetness will make him expect things to always be so sickeningly sweet (she wasn't shy about the amount she added), but honey is literally the one thing the Dr said i should not give him under no circumstances. She said only this last batch had honey and I only gave it to him twice before realizing it.

She also said only two of the foods had honey, but that can't be. I tried the strawberry puree she made and it was so sweet I even wondered where the hell did she get those strawberries.

I blame myself for trusting her to be honest. Needless to say I'll be making my baby's food from now on. God knows what else she put in the food. And if she can't even be honest about what she put where, there's really no need to take any chances.

The weirdest part is that the puree in question (the one she admitted to) was apple. I made my own apple sauce and blended it and the thing tasted pretty sweet to me as was. It literally did not need anything else, why would you add unnecessary things to a baby's food?

So today I just arrived home after spending 2 days at my childhood home. The place is pretty much abandoned at this point, my brothers, dad and I take turns spending short bouts of time there so its pretty dusty and it has the type of stains and dirt that a quick cleaning wont get rid of. Only professionals can save that place at this point lol

When I got back home it really made me realise that being a stay at home mom and being in the house day in, day out is making me go crazy. I left the house in a bit of a mess when I left but my perception of the place before I left home and after I arrived was completely different. My house is CLEAN, i just hyperfixate on every tiny little thing bc it's all just in my face all day long.

I say all this to say I have been struggling so much with letting my little one just crawl around. I clean his little room 3 times a week, and thats the only place I let him on the floor becauseI know it's absolutely spotless. We never enter there with shoes on and I close the door whenever we are not inside it. Its starting to become too small for him, he doesnt have enough space to practice his crawling, which he's doing fantastic at right now but I think would be doing so much better if he could just do it.

I dont understand why I am so absolutely phobic of this little man getting dirty but just the thought of him touching something dirty or being on the floor whete it's dirty sends me in a mini spiral. I know I am hindering his development. Whenever he touches something that I'm not 100% sure it's clean I get his attention, I dont let him crawl around the house, I try to limit his contact with the cats as much as possible, it's honestly no way to live.

Idk why I'm posting this lol but I guess I'd just like to hear some advice or reassurance that its ok for him to be on the floor. I just genuinely cannot keep a whole house sterile, especially not wirh him around lol, and I'm starting to realize I cannot keep my son confined. I did buy a vacuum cleaner to help with the dust and am hoping to get a steam cleaner as well. Hopefully the vacuum+steam routine will give me the peace of mind to let my baby be the wondering angel he was born to be lol