u/yourfavesecretary

I successfully landed a volunteer role in the autopsy suite at the medical university in my region. I am currently employed with a coroner’s office, but since I am in an administrative role, I cannot go on scenes due to liabilities, etc. I have viewed 4 autopsies. I was not in the actual room, there is a viewing room with a huge window to look through. Friday will be my first day, where they will be training me. My anxiety has always been bad, but I feel like it’s gotten worse over the last few months. I increased my anxiety medication dose but it’s not making much of a difference. For example, my coroner’s office recently toured a jail. When the officer closed a heavily armored door behind us, I panicked and had to quickly find a bathroom to calm myself down.

When I viewed the autopsies, I didn’t have a panicky reaction at all, I was very interested in what was happening. However, I am getting more anxious as the time comes for me to actually be in the room. I have talked to multiple techs and pathologists at the office that have said there is no shame in stepping out. While that did make me feel better, I’m still so nervous that I will panic and have to leave. I know there will be smells and sounds, but how much more different is it being in the actual room than viewing through a window? I also think I have developed IBS through my anxiety, so that is just another added layer of stress and I feel like I can’t eat, which I know eating is necessary if I will be standing up for extended periods of time. I feel like I’m spiraling just typing this out, so any words of encouragement from seasoned people is greatly appreciated.

I successfully landed a volunteer role in the autopsy suite at the medical university in my region. I am currently employed with a coroner’s office, but since I am in an administrative role, I cannot go on scenes due to liabilities, etc. I have viewed 4 autopsies. I was not in the actual room, there is a viewing room with a huge window to look through. Friday will be my first day, where they will be training me. My anxiety has always been bad, but I feel like it’s gotten worse over the last few months. I increased my anxiety medication dose but it’s not making much of a difference. For example, my coroner’s office recently toured a jail. When the officer closed a heavily armored door behind us, I panicked and had to quickly find a bathroom to calm myself down.

When I viewed the autopsies, I didn’t have a panicky reaction at all, I was very interested in what was happening. However, I am getting more anxious as the time comes for me to actually be in the room. I have talked to multiple techs and pathologists at the office that have said there is no shame in stepping out. While that did make me feel better, I’m still so nervous that I will panic and have to leave. I know there will be smells and sounds, but how much more different is it being in the actual room than viewing through a window? I also think I have developed IBS through my anxiety, so that is just another added layer of stress and I feel like I can’t eat, which I know eating is necessary if I will be standing up for extended periods of time. I feel like I’m spiraling just typing this out, so any words of encouragement from seasoned people is greatly appreciated.

The lies teenaged SDs spread about my husband on social media is disgusting. Everything about dad is horrible, everything about mom is amazing and praise. I think that right there is a major red flag, that one parent is all good and one is all bad, when actually it’s just projection sadly. But the stuff they post is straight up lies. How does one deal with this level of alienation? I know the right answer is just block all social media and ignore it but my heart hurts for my husband. Sometimes when the kids are here, it feels like they see through the BS, but once they go back, it’s right back to regularly scheduled programming. It’s like they only listen to the lies and made up stories from HCBM, and that’s law. My husband doesn’t even talk bad about her, the man rarely brings her up unless the kids are saying something regarding her. But it’s like HCBMs stories are literally flipped, all the abuse she’s inflicted on this kids is put onto him and he’s the bad guy. I’m having such a hard time wrapping my head around this.

Of course there is much, much more to this story but I’m really just trying to figure out how to cope with all the lies that I know for a fact are lies.

Some of you may recognize my story. Quick run down: SD15 accused OS8 of SAing her when they were 13 & 5. DSS is involved, etc. Well, the case was supposed to be over 3 weeks ago. Caseworker wouldn’t tell DH what their decision was, just that they’d send a letter. Still no letter over 3 weeks later!! On to the newest issue.

SDs 15 & 13 have been in his custody twice since DSS got involved. The first time it was hell apparently (I was out of town with our son). They were disrespectful, treating him like crap, they were encouraged to do all of this. Second time he said they were almost back to normal, like nothing happened. (They go to MIL’s house and I stay at our house with our son when they come). He is supposed to get them this weekend but he doesn’t want them. He is miserable and so stressed out. I have never seen him like this. He is saying things like “I wish I could just disappear.” He is struggling badly. He wants them to stay with HCBM because he wants to protect our son and he refuses to play every other weekend dad with him. His kids cannot be trusted, their mother concocted this lie and they went along with it. Lying about SA is insane, and our GAL told us 7 years ago (after they accused DH of physical abuse) that SA would be the next allegation. And I fully believe my husband could be next. He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to say “just keep them at your house” since that’s where they want to be. He calls them and they are so rude and demeaning over the phone. He also gets them every other week during the summer and doesn’t know what to do. Should he just say to HCBM “I’m not risking my son’s safety with false accusations and I’m not forcing the kids to come when they don’t want to, so they can stay with you for the summer”? I am at a loss and don’t know how to help him. I just know they will never be around me or my son again.