There was a small incident that happened, and there's a video of J.Seph sitting for quite a while without speaking while a fan sits in front of him. Later on, some messages were sent by him on Bubble. Does anybody know what happened?
I have friends from work, from past workplaces, from football. By friends, I mean people I've hung out with outside of work, although not super frequently. I don't know if that's classed as friends, but I wouldn't classify them as acquaintances.
I also have friends from childhood and family relations. But again, nobody I make plans to go out with very often.
I've never had a best friend, or friends I just message about going for a cup of tea, or for dinner. I'm 23f and I know most girls my age do, or at least that's how it feels like to me. I've had an anxiety disorder from childhood but, despite my stress and overthinking, I'm extroverted to a degree and enjoy being in social gatherings. Sometimes my mind takes over and I feel bleak and my energy dripping away.
I like to do things on my own, like go for walks, spend time in my own company. When I'm around other people, I feel like I've often got a mask on. I love to laugh and make people laugh, but my brain nitpicks and over-fixates on things which exhausts me. I don't know if it's valid for me to enjoy my own company the way I do and not feel lonely. Sometimes I feel like I'm bringing the feeling of loneliness upon myself because I feel being in my position, I should feel embarrassed and like a loser. And then I feel really down because of those perceptions I've put upon myself.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. I feel in a rut, lately, and I'm trying not to convince myself that my friends hate me based off moments where they ignored me or made me slightly upset during our interactions, but I feel sloping towards the loneliness is inevitable. I'm mourning not being normal, and not ever having that kind of relationship with somebody where I want to go somewhere with them and I feel I can rely on them being up for it.