Does anyone else here feel like you’re very anti-[anti-dopamine]?
I don’t know what the right term for this is, so I’m going to do my best to try and explain. But feelings are hard to put into words, so… yeah, keep that in mind.
Basically, whenever I feel a non-dopaminergic response to something, I get depressed. And I don’t mean in the sad way; I mean in the clinical way. No, I’m not saying that I’m clinically depressed. What I mean is that, whenever something brings me down, whether it be discouragement or anxiety - or anything else - I shut down: I suddenly - and I mean suddenly - lose the drive to not only do the thing that I was in the middle of doing, but I also lose the drive to do anything else.
It makes me want to stop thinking. Stop trying. Just… stop. Everything.
And it’s super weird because it’s not like I made the active choice to do so - you know, like, “Harumph! Time to just rot away!” lol
It’s more like… instantaneous and sudden.
One second, I could be extremely excited and gung-ho to do something - it could even be something I’ve been planning to do for days and the day to do it is finally here - and if something happens that gives me negative emotional feedback, boom, in the blink of an eye, the excitement, the desire, the willingness… it all disappears into smoke.
And don’t get me wrong, it’s NOT because I get sad due to the negative emotional feedback. No, I don’t feel sad, want to cry, want to curl up into ball, feel embarrassed; none of that. Rather, it’s just… emptiness. An emotional void. I just shut down. I become like a rag doll where even giving a “yes” or “no” answer is too much of a pain in the ass, so I just grunt like a Neanderthal lmao
This has been a pain point throughout my life, but, like many things, there was always a spectrum to it. And if there were ever one constant, it’s that it’s gotten worse with every passing year, and this year is the worst it’s ever been. I don’t know how to create solutions for this issue, let alone even identify what it is. But it’s severely debilitating and has almost led to me losing my job on multiple occasions.
Does anyone here know what I’m talking about? Is anyone else like this? Is this an actual “thing” or am I just going through a normal part of life?