there is no winning with a narcissist MIL who is also a licensed therapist!!
here is an exhaustive list of the bizarre behavior of my mother in law, who is also a licensed therapist and that makes her even more difficult to deal with. a bit of context: i’ve been in this family for 7 years, but this year it’s gotten especially bad as i lived with her for 4 months while my husband was gone for work. (i’m no longer living there). here’s the list:
-repeats the same stories over and over throughout the years (narcissistic monologue) about her struggles and scarifies. every story she is the victim and someone else is the villain.
-trauma dumping to the point she would follow me around talking about all the traumatic things her parents did to her
-she only works two days a week but makes sure everyone knows she is a “trauma therapist and it’s extremely exhausting work” (her words). she comes home and complains about how difficult her cases are and even gives personal details about her sessions, framing herself as a hero for being there for these people and helping them.
-she copies me, as in she copies my eating habits, or what i buy, or how i do my nails
-when i was trying to lose weight she kept outrageous amounts of junk food on the kitchen counter. boxes of muffins, bags of chips, candies and sodas for me to look at and when they would get even a little bit low she would immediately restock. (i’m talking like…4 boxes of muffins, 4 bags of chips, 10 bottles of wine, 6 boxes of soda…like OUTRAGEOUS amounts of junk food. it was almost comical.)
-lives vicariously through her daughter
-would compare her new car to my new car and made sure to subtly point out the features hers had and mine didn’t
-triangulates and tries to control the family narrative
-preferred form of “communication” is being passive aggressive
-will go above and beyond for every one even if no one asks her to, because she must maintain her appearance of doing the most. THEN will hold it over someone’s head later.
-FIL does everything he can to appease her, but when he’s not around SHE calls HIM narcissistic, abusive, and talks about everything he’s ever done wrong. she’s even said things about him i can’t even bring myself to repeat.
-holds onto grudges and past hurts because if she were to truly forgive and move on she could no longer play the victim card, and she does not know who she is if she cannot be the victim.
-my husband sounds drained after he gets off the phone with her almost like she sucked the life from him
-no one is allowed to be frustrated and angry in her presence
-she has projected her victim mentality onto all her children and now all of them are stunted in one way or another. she has made sure they know when they are wronged or when someone treats them unfairly, and then she paints herself as the only person who treats them right or the only person who understands them. she must be their hero.
-everything is a subtle competition to her
-when i tried to explain to her how her behavior toward me is not right and how she hurt me she acted aloof, uninterested almost like i was boring her. then she said im the unkind one.
-when i call her out she plays the victim card and tells me i am just looking for someone to be angry at, that i am controlling or unkind.
the last one is very recent as she took the most vulnerable time in my life (her son CHEATED on me) and she made it about herself, and began shifting blame onto me. i called her out for it and told her to knock it off, and now i am labeled the “unsafe” and “angry” DIL. like i seriously cannot make this up.
but i digress..anyone else deal with someone similar?? anyone have advice? it’s all so bizarre!! 😅😅