u/zumodehermes

A few months ago, I cut ties with a friend (previously a “situationship”) and I wanted to share my thoughts about telling him about my own experience

Sooo, I’ve suspected I have OSDD for years and I try to cope with it as best I can, even though the dissociation is highly frustrating and limiting on many occasions. Hopefully I have enough reasons to keep going.

Now, there was a time with this guy I met (my ex-friend) where I felt so comfortable with him that I wanted to tell him about my experience, as I trusted him completely and knew he wouldn’t judge me. At first he took it well, trying to understand us and doing his best to get us to explain more about ourselves... but within a matter of days, he spoke to me again suddenly telling me that he felt the same way as I did. That after spending hours in systok (he literally said that) he now “understood” many of the things that were happening to me, and that he also “dissociated” and that he was excited to tell me about it. The next day he started telling us about his alters (many of whom seemed to be “complementary” to mine or to belong to the same source). He spoke of headspace as a completely physical space… And he also spoke of “splitting” as if it were nothing, as if it weren’t a painful experience. Whenever it happens to me, I suffer both physically and mentally, so it seemed like a brutal lack of respect to me.

I let it go on a bit longer, just to see what else he’d tell me, until he got to the point of blocking me (on a game) because one of his “alters” didn’t like me (because i told him i didn't want a relationship with him... um). That’s when I snapped at him. I’d had enough. Was I too harsh? The situation was consuming me.

It’s so hard to study. For years, I’ve had to rely on tutors or my parents to go over the material with me so I wouldn’t lose focus on the task. It worked back then; it was manageable and helpful, until I became an adult and now have to study at university.

Everything is much harder for me now; I’ve got no one to help me. I study on my own, but it’s a complicated task for me. I lose focus and lose track of what I was reading even if my eyes are skimming over the words... it’s as if I’m not actually reading anything at all, just turning the pages whilst my mind wanders off to thoughts and other things that have nothing to do with it. My parents don’t understand and they say I’m lazy, someone who doesn’t want to finish my degree, but I love the degree I’m on and I’d love to finish it with all my heart. Also I’m not on medication, nor have I even been diagnosed, because my parents think that if I managed to get into university, it’s because there’s nothing wrong with me. But I suffer every time I try to study, every time I get distracted, I feel like a useless person who can’t do anything else with their life. They (my parents) don’t even help me anymore. I told them I wanted to seek professional help, but they told me it was nonsense. But in fact, they still punish me, for failing my exams even though I’m an adult. I don’t know what else to do to make them understand. I just want to be treated and be able to study with the peace of mind I’ve always dreamed of having