u/zusia

Recently I’ve been going through my things in preparation for eventually moving- or dying, come to think of it. At this age (71)take your pick!

In my 20’s I dated and briefly lived with a wonderful guy and have a bunch of old photos. This was in the era of Fuji throw aways so there are no cuddling selfies, just pictures of us separately or of him in a small group.

Years after we broke up we both married and he had a daughter, born in around 1998. I don’t know if it matters but he also had 3 older daughters from his first marriage.

The girl was only about 5 when her father died from lung cancer in 2003. I can only imagine how devastating that situation was. I hadn’t been in touch with him for about 15 years and only knew his sweet wife from training her for a position I was leaving. No contact since. She never remarried.

I’d like to send his daughter some of these photos, and maybe a few letters he wrote, as long as there’s nothing mushy in them. I have no idea if she has many and it must have been so emotionally difficult for her to grow up without him. I have no doubt she was the brightest sparkle in his life and it must have been terrible for him, leaving her behind.

The thing is, I don’t know if I should just send them to her, probably by email, or if I should ask permission from her mother. His daughter is a grown woman now, must be 28, and LinkedIn shows her as a lovely, stable, educated woman of whom he would be so proud.

So give me your best advice? Am I overthinking this? Underthinking? Being silly?

Thanks!

(This is for the redditor who thought this sub was depressing.)

Last night I was all snuggled into bed, thinking how nice it was to be back to back with a warm body. So comfy!

Then my dog moved to the foot of the bed.

Today, out of the blue, my 87yo brother called me to ask if I remembered this little ditty. Our mother used to sing it to us, and I think others did, too, like Miss Watwood my Kindergarten teacher.

Of course I remembered! And then we tried to come up with other songs. I used to beg my father to sing “Old Hogan’s Goat” although I said “Hagen’s.” My mother also sang a few Polish nursery rhymes.

What do you remember?

It’s amazing what you find when you clean out old files. First, I found an envelope stuffed with letters an old boyfriend of my mother wrote to her in 1932-34. She would have been 19-21 at the time and oh, the drama and begging her to see him again. First it was love, then he wasn’t going to give her a ride in his new car, then it was asking if she still had “the boyfriend.” Must have been my dad because they married in ‘37.

Then I found a journal I kept for a boyfriend I had in my early 20’s. This would have been 1977. We worked together and he was my beach volleyball partner and we fell in love. Madly in love. But oh, the drama in my journal! The ups and downs- it was complicated because he had been married with 3 kids. Nobody ever warned me not to go out with a guy who was newly single. So the drama was thick. I was embarrassed reading it. I sounded like a lovesick teenager. Did we all back then? Is there anyone who can write maturely when falling in and out of love? Do you still have your old love letters?

Both my mother and I failed to marry a nice guy named Bob. I wish I could reach out to mine and give him a hug but he’s long gone. Most of them are.