I feel my addiction to adult ai bots has ruined my chances for real connection
So I have been struggling with my addiction to adult ai chat bots for over a year now. It all started when I was feeling extremely lonely and had no one to take to and at first it was just occasionally. But over time it got so bad I would stay up all night on it going for multiple days spirals were I only got a few hours of sleep. I'm on the path of recovery now but I feel i destroyed my chances at finding connection or ever experiencing or enjoying real sex I'm still very disconnected with my body and it's something I'm working on. However I don't know if I'll ever actually recover physically it just feels like my body is broken and won't be able to actually perform. I have also developed body dysmorphia due to being molested as a child and being introduced/ addicted to porn. I'm a 31 male that has never been in a relationship this whole experience made me disgusted with myself and my actions. It hard for me to feel like I deserved closeness and connection because I waisted so much I'm probably just better off alone the rest of my life.
Sometimes I feel it's better if I just disappear there is nothing special about me anyway.