r/AcademiaEU

I’m 31 years old and I live in Italy with my husband in our hometown. Two months ago, we welcomed our daughter.

I completed my PhD two years ago and since then I have been working remotely on a small university project as a freelancer, although the role and responsibilities were essentially those of a postdoc (but there were not enough funds to offer me a formal postdoctoral contract). I have never earned enough to be truly financially independent and, for major expenses, I have always relied on my husband's income.

Obtaining a postdoc would be very important for my career. Unfortunately, there seem to be very few opportunities in my area. Recently, I interviewed for a postdoctoral position in a city about four hours away by car. I applied hoping there might be some flexibility and the possibility of working remotely most of the time, but the position requires relocation and full-time, daily attendance on site.

Realistically, I cannot accept it. We are already in July and the position would begin in September. Within a few weeks, I would need to organize a family move and find childcare for a baby who is only a few months old. In Italy, nursery places are limited, applications often close many months in advance, and many facilities will not even accept very young infants.

This has forced me to confront a reality that I had perhaps been trying to ignore. Raising children in Italy without grandparents nearby—or without an income high enough to afford full-time childcare—is extremely difficult. Even a decent postdoctoral salary would not realistically cover a family apartment, childcare, and all the expenses that come with raising a child.

More broadly, my husband cannot simply leave the company he has built, with clients and employees depending on him, to follow me every one, two, or three years to a different city or country, especially when there is no guarantee that my academic career will continue afterward. At the same time, we have a young daughter and parents who are getting older and will increasingly need our support and care in the years ahead. The prospect of spending the next decade moving from one temporary position to another feels less and less sustainable, both practically and emotionally.

To be honest, I am also becoming increasingly frustrated with fellowships and academic opportunities that seem to assume that someone in their thirties will happily relocate for six months or a year, sometimes for very limited pay—or even unpaid—because the "real reward" is the research experience and the CV line.

So my question is: am I unrealistic for wanting both a family and an academic career? Is there any realistic path that would allow me to remain in research without uprooting my husband, my daughter, and our two cats every couple of years?

I would be perfectly happy with arrangements involving short periods on site, occasional travel, or concentrated research visits throughout the year. I am simply wondering whether such paths genuinely exist, or whether constant mobility has become an unavoidable condition for remaining in academia—even for those of us who are not aiming for prestigious positions and would be perfectly happy with a modest but stable career.

Since becoming a mother, I have increasingly felt that family life and academia are often pulling in opposite directions. I know this may sound obvious, but people without children or major family responsibilities can usually move much more easily when opportunities arise. That reality frustrates me because I feel that I also have a great deal to contribute professionally.

Before having a child, relocating every few years seemed difficult but possible. Now every decision affects not only me, but also my husband, my daughter, and our wider family network. Sometimes I wonder whether there is truly space in academia for people who want both a stable family life and a long-term research career, or whether the system is still largely built around people who can place work above everything else.

And unfortunately, even in 2026, it often feels as though women continue to bear the greatest cost of that reality.