r/AmItheEx

I was driving with my girlfriend in the passenger seat a few days ago. We were stuck at a busy intersection in traffic. There was a young woman trying to turn across traffic and she seemed hesitant even though there was a gap, so I waved her through.

Instead of going, she slowly crept forward and kind of froze. At that point another car was coming closer, so I waved more urgently and beeped my horn once to basically say “go now.” She finally went, but really slowly, and got T-boned by the oncoming car.

Nobody was seriously hurt thankfully, but both cars pulled over. I stayed because I have a dashcam and wanted to give the footage to the cops and the other driver.

While we were standing there waiting, my girlfriend suddenly said pretty loudly, “You did that on purpose.” She started arguing with me right there in front of everyone saying I pressured the girl into going when it wasn’t safe.

I immediately shushed her because from the outside it probably sounded like she was accusing me of intentionally causing the accident. I didn’t want the cops or drivers getting the wrong idea.

The driver passing through admited fault and was shaken up and crying but did not accuse me of anything and said she was a new driver.

Now she’s angry because she says I embarrassed and silenced her in public. She also brought up another incident from a few months ago where I waved someone through and there was another accident afterwards. She claims I “keep doing this to young women” specifically and that it’s messed up. I think that’s ridiculous because I wave people through all the time, including men, and I was genuinely trying to help traffic move along.

She thinks the shushing was disrespectful and controlling. I think accusing me of intentionally causing an accident in front of strangers was way worse. AITA?

**Edit: Just to remind everyone, I am *not* the OOP. I did not write this. Please show me some respect, though you don't have to show the OOP any respect.**

I (24m) have been dating my girlfriend (24f) for the past two years now, although we’ve been best friends before we officially hooked up. My girlfriend has a little sister named Rio (13f). Rio really looks up to me, and I get along very well with her.

One day last month, I was visiting my girlfriend’s parent’s house. Rio wanted to take me out on a walk, because there is an abandoned treehouse in the woods nearby that she wanted to show me. So I said “sure, why not?” While I was walking with her, it was quite windy outside, and she was wearing a crop top and skirt, so it was difficult not to notice that the wind was blowing her crop top and skirt open (well, of course, I couldn’t see up her skirt, but the wind was blowing enough that her thighs were very exposed). It was so uncomfortable for me, but Rio didn’t seem to notice that so much of her body was showing. Eventually I just stopped dead in my tracks and I bluntly asked her if she was trying to hit on me, because the way she was dressed, together with her request to walk with me alone, just felt so inappropriate. She looked so weirded out and repulsed, and she said the equivalent of “ew, no”. I told her that I just wanted to check, and so I resumed walking, when I noticed that Rio was not following me. I turned around, and she was running back home.

This entire incident has damaged my relationship, not just with my girlfriend’s sister, but with my girlfriend and her parents. Her parents were so angry when Rio told them what happened during the walk, and I was kicked out of their house. My girlfriend refuses to communicate with me or see me now, and the last time I talked with her, she was crying and she told me to stay away from her little sister. I am eager to get back on the family’s good graces, and I’d like to sit down with Rio eventually and have a one-to-one discussion with her about what happened that day.

How do I get back together with my girlfriend? How do I repair my relationship with her family?

**Edit: Just to remind everyone, I am not the OOP. I did not write this. Please show me some respect, though you don't have to show the OOP any respect.**

Also, It seems a mod at the original subreddit nuked it. The text is captured here and the automod scraped the original post.

My girlfriend [23F] and I [27M] are doing long distance right now while she is tree planting. I understand that job can be intense: bad service, long days, camp moves, exhaustion, injuries, and not much time or privacy. I’ve been trying to be understanding of that.

The last time we had a proper phone call was May 6. The call was good. We didn’t have a fight. We talked about next summer and I mentioned maybe trying to work as a checker in tree planting so we could be together. She said that probably wouldn’t be likely because those jobs usually go to people still in the industry, and even then I might not be placed with her camp. That was disheartening, but the call itself was fine. We said we loved each other.

On May 8, she texted me saying a stick went into her foot. I asked if she was okay and she basically said it was fine. Since then, I haven’t heard from her directly.

She had told me before that they were switching camps around May 12 and that might be the next time I hear from her, but that didn’t happen. Since then, she has had service at different points. My messages have delivered. She has been travelling through places with reception. I still haven’t gotten even a quick “hey, I’m alive,” “I need space,” or “I’ll talk when I can” message.

I reached out to one of her friends to ask if this was normal for tree planting. Her friend said communication can be really bad during planting, and that she has barely heard from her either, but she has received a few Snapchats from her. The friend also mentioned that my girlfriend has been posting on her Close Friends Instagram story. I used to be able to see those stories, but now I can’t, so it seems like I was removed from that list.

A couple days later, that same friend told me she could call my girlfriend and ask how our long distance relationship was going in a natural way. She said she would do it “undercover” and would not mention that I had asked anything or that I was involved.

She did call her, then got back to me and said my girlfriend told her she hasn’t spoken to me in a bit and just needs some space until she reaches out.

The friend told me to just hang in there. I know she meant well, but that really hit me hard. I’ve done long distance three other painful times, and in my experience, when someone says they “need space,” it has always been the beginning of the end.

What is bothering me most is that my girlfriend told someone else she needed space, but never told me directly. I would have respected needing space if she had communicated that to me. Instead, I’ve been left not knowing where we stand.

I’ve been sleeping badly, eating badly, and stressing over this a lot. I know that’s my own responsibility to manage, but it has been difficult not knowing if I’m still in a relationship or if she’s checked out and just hasn’t told me.

I also removed location sharing because I was checking too much and it was making me feel worse.

There’s also a storage unit situation that I need practical advice on.

I had a storage unit in her hometown that I was paying for, but it was getting too expensive, so I already cleared it out and moved everything to a unit closer to me. When I opened the unit, I found that she had put some of her things in there, including around $1,500 worth of ski gear and clothes.

I need advice on how to communicate about her belongings and set a clear pickup/shipping deadline. I do not want to make a 10-hour drive to drop everything off at her dad’s house, especially because I do not have his address and would need to ask for it. I also do not want to store her belongings indefinitely.

My current plan is to wait until May 24. If she still hasn’t contacted me directly by then, I’m planning to send one final message ending the relationship. I need advice on how to word that message clearly and calmly, and how to handle her belongings without creating more conflict.

I also want advice on what kind of message to send about her belongings, and what kind of deadline to give her to arrange pickup or shipping.

TL;DR:
My girlfriend is tree planting and hasn’t contacted me directly since May 8. She has had some service and told a friend she needs space, but never told me directly. I’m planning to wait until May 24 and then send one final message if I still haven’t heard from her. I also need practical advice on how to word that message and how to handle her belongings from my storage unit.

I (24M) have been in four serious relationships. Each ex had a standout trait: one was HOT, one was incredibly thoughtful, one was my first love (this one needs no explanation), and the 4th was just lackluster compared to all of them (I don't know how else to put it). My current gf (22F and the 4th) isn't as hot as the hot one, isn't as thoughtful as the thoughtful one, and we don't have the same bond as the first love.

Usually, these thoughts come out when she's disappointing me, like when she meets my parents and doesn't bring anything, even though she said she'd bring fruit or a gift. So I'd start to subconsciously think, "she's not as caring as my other ex.

I know it’s not fair to compare her to the superscore (SAT reference lol) of my exes but I can't stop thinking this way, and actually thought like this with my second and third girlfriend as well.

I don't know if this is a normal thing people do, or if it's something I need to actively try to overcome but I know that this has sabotaged my past relationships... especially with the hot one (also 22F). I broke up wth her because she didn't care for me like the second one; even though she'd cook and massage me, I'd think "well, it's not as good as when the second one used to do it". This is one of my biggest regrets XD.

What are some ways someone can train themselves to stop doing this comparison spiral, and instead focus on who’s in front of them now? Has anyone else overcome this?

edit: I realize I come across narcisstic, which is understandable. But I just expect a lot from my S/O because I give a lot. I pay for their rent/bills if they need assistance, I go out of my way to always prioritize them.