If baking a cake for a gay wedding is endorsing homosexuality, then voting for a pedophile is endorsing pedophilia.
I'm going to quit my job and travel the world till I run out of money! I should be home in time for dinner...
A man was found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.
I met a guy from Australia who works in IT. I asked, 'Do you come from a LAN down under?'
Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Marines is? I asked a Marine, and all he would say is, 'It's Private.'
I don’t like when people think Being A Dick is the same thing as Having Balls. It’s not. Not even close. In fact there’s a Vas Deferens between them.
Which person from a book would make the worst roommate? Probably the Invisible Man--he'd always be sneaking around.
Apart from 'It's okay,' what other death threats do women use?
What's a cannibal's favorite game? Swallow the leader.
Honestly, everyone should just leave writing poetry to the prose.
What is the motto of people who harvest organs? We de-liver!
I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that too!'
🎭 RIDDLE TIME I have a spine but no bones, a cover but no blanket, and I can take you anywhere without moving. What am I? Answer drops in 2 hours!
🎭 RIDDLE TIME I am a fruit that is not a fruit, a nut that is not a nut, a seed that is not a seed. I am green on the outside, white inside, and I grow on a tall palm. What am I? Answer drops in 2 hours!
🎭 RIDDLE TIME I am made of water but I die in water. I am born from the sky but I fall to the ground. I am white but I am not snow. What am I? Answer drops in 2 hours!
Electricians have to strip to make ends meet...
I told my mom I've decided I'm moving to Italy. She said, 'Stop being Sicily.'
The guy who invented the TV remote control has died. He's to be buried between two cushions on a sofa.