I've started investing in stocks... Mainly beef, chicken, and vegetables. One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire.
In a dadda-base. :))
Fun Fact: Everything in the world is either a potato or isn't a potato.
So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell that just by looking at them.
The short answer?
It’s kind of hard to do, but you know when you hear one!
The long answer?
Iiiiittttt’sss kkkkkkkiiiiiinnnnddd oooooffff hhhaaaarrrddd tttooooo dddooooo, bbbuuutttt yyyyooooouuuu kknnnnoooowww wwwhhheeeennnn yyyyoooouuuuu hhhheeeeaaaaarr oooonnneee!!!!!
I have a joke about pizza, but I'm afraid it will fall flat.
My complimentary hotel breakfast did not tell me I looked nice even once. Talk about a lack of cereal compliments!
What sounds like a sneeze but is made of leather? A shoe!
I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk... ...but I never had the chants.
Q. What do Barack Obama & Fred Trump have in common? A. Donald Trump wrecked everything he inherited from them both
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me a laptop and said: I want you to try to sell this to me. So I put it under my arm, left the building, and went home. Eventually, he called me and said: Bring my laptop back now. I said: $200 and it's yours.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, 'No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.'
Son: Dad, I've got a part in the school play. I play a man who's been married 25 years. Dad: Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.
Dentists always ask dumb questions like when's the last time you flossed? ...Like buddy, you were there!
Some folks like floors and some like walls. Me? I'm a ceiling fan.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will hunt you down and I will make you pay... You have my word!
Ok Dammit @MrsDocAtCDI and I are fighting time for you guys to step in which way does the Toilet paper go on the roll?