r/AsianMasculinity

Hi hi :) I’m a white woman, 24, and I’ve noticed that I naturally tend to date Asian men. I’m asking here because I’d genuinely like to understand the perspective from the other side.

One thing I’ve experienced repeatedly is that the men I’ve dated have specifically commented on my blonde hair and blue eyes, and sometimes it has felt like those features were a major part of the attraction. One man even told me he enjoyed the idea of “dominating the colonizers.” That comment really stuck with me because it made me wonder if I was being seen as a person or as a symbol.

I know this isn’t “all Asian men,” and it may not even have anything to do with race… it could be the type of men I’m choosing or something else entirely. But because this has happened several times, I wondering if there’s something I’m missing.

From your perspective:

• Is this just modern dating?
• Is there anything about interracial dating dynamics that might contribute to this?
• Have you noticed white women sometimes being perceived differently?
• Or do you think this has nothing to do with race at all?

I’m genuinely trying to learn, not stereotype anyone. I’d appreciate honest perspectives, thank you 😘😘

Follow up on this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianMasculinity/comments/1g3en7i/father_micromanaging_my_love_life_as_an_asian_guy/

So I met this Chinese girl through my grandpa, and we started talking through WeChat. However while we were dating, my father would sometimes force me to send her certain content, such as photos and cartoon clips. He also made me send her messages saying what he wanted to say, as if he was the one dating her and not me.

Eventually I met up with her and her mother in France for vacation, and we had a lot of fun together, though my father also forced me to do certain things in preparation for the trip, such as clothing choices.

1-2 weeks after the trip though, he forced us to break up because she wanted to study abroad in a country other than China/USA, out of fear of her cheating on me overseas. My father would have preferred her to come to the US and marry me instead, but basically he said to her “either come to the US and marry my son, or break up with him”, which is honestly kinda manipulative. He later denied that he made us break up and claimed she caused the breakup by refusing the green card offer. If that isn’t gaslighting, I don’t know what is. My mother supported this forced breakup as well, unfortunately.

After these unfortunate circumstances, my parents tried to set me up with a 17 year old Latina girl, which honestly I’m glad didn’t go through, because of the obvious age issue (I'm also not into Latinas in the first place). However, I plan to become financially independent, and hopefully reconnect with my ex in the future. Granted it’s probably going to take a long time, but it’s a first step.

This also happened a while ago, but I only remembered to post about this recently.

I am dating out of my race Korean dating Fillipino and parents dislike it. Dad is quite racist and constantly says no marriage. Did you convince your parents?

I’m Asian American myself. I notice a lot of times, Asians are extremely non confrontational. In the video you can clearly see the guy’s body language as very nervous-like. He glances to the side and does not make strong eye contact when making these rebuttals.

When his friend tells him to stop, he listens immediately instead of arguing back. Yes this is the smart move as to not escalate the situation, but there are times where PRIDE is on the line. Then he starts covering his mouth while chewing.. I’ve literally only seen girls do that.

Nervously poking the food and not making eye contact when the racist guy goes on a rant.

I’ve been in this situation before so I know what it’s like. I’m sure many of you have grown up being the asian minority and facing racist bullies. Only once have I ever acted nervously like the guy in the video. On that day, I promised myself to never be a jokey pushover again.

Some of these asians don’t seem to break out of their shell. They stay submissive and choose peace over conflict. I have several not-so-close friends exactly like the guy in the video. I think everyone knows this type.

- excessive matcha/boba consumption
- tattoo to compensate for lack of perceived toughness
- almost feminine like mannerisms
- embracing gay/repulsive jokes
- earrings
- heavily into fashion

There is nothing wrong with doing any of these things. My problem is that many young asian dudes nowadays don’t know how to separate comfort from conflict. I’m talking about the comfort of being with groups of other asians, gaming all day, being in their safe environment like schools or casual asian hangout spots. When conflict does arise, they brush it off as humor to cope with the fact that real a-holes are entering their domain of comfort. It’s all they know.

It certainly has gotten better over time with the rise of social media. Asians have adamkyu and joseph shin, two fitness influencers that have pushed the image of asian masculinity into mainstream feeds. There is also a rise of anti-stereotypical asians as well. More asians are wearing stussy and dark street wear clothing. Many of my friends have gained

Let me know what y’all think.

I've been reading about travelers experiences from partying, to meeting new people, and yes to the sex, etc. in hostels mainly in the EU/SE Asia and from reading various posts, the hostel culture seems "tribal" to a degree. I am curious (maybe even taking a trip in the near future) if AM are "accepted" in a way and in the same way when they do join those same hostels as other western folks. Is racism an issue? Are people inclusive towards AM? Are AM "accepted" or excluded?

Hi everyone, I’m looking to meet up and network (make some new friends). Im located in the San Jose area and I’m interested to see how local the people are in this sub. I think its good to start a club since we pretty much already share similar mindsets.

Hi guys,

I have been using Hinge for awhile and I change to many dating locations for experimenting and so far England is been the most successful for me. I live in Northern Europe and dating is super hard. Until I tried England, now I know it's not all about me.

I have seen a lot of you complain about England, like strong Hollywood influence against Asian, but now I don't know. France so far is the most difficult for me

Looking for honest advice from some older and wiser folks on here.

Lately, I've been trying for a while to get a close friend of mine to come to the gym with me, but he keeps refusing or making excuses not to go.

I don't want to body shame him, but I can't help but feel like he's perpetuating the negative stereotype of AM being physically weak. Like, the dude has the physique of a 12-year-old as a grown man.

There's another AM at my school who is pretty popular and has thousands of followers on social media. However, he is gay and looks like the Asian version of James Charles. All his friends in his posts are conventionally attractive girls of all races. Again, I can't help but feel resentful that he's reinforcing the negative stereotypes of AM being gay and feminine.

What's worse is that those girls he is friends with might start associating AM in general with him, because there's a good chance he is the only Asian guy they're friends with or know. Thus, they'll subconsciously stop seeing all AM as romantic prospects. It doesn't help that there aren't too many Asian people where I live so the stereotyping effect will be much more prevalent as opposed to somewhere like NY or CA.

I understand it's a free country, and everyone is free to make their own choices. There's nothing wrong with being gay, weak, feminine or all of the above. These aren't negative traits in a broad sense.

However, these traits are not something that I, a straight cis AM, want to be associated with. I don't think I need to explain why. These stereotypes have been used to attack and undermine the masculinity of AM for decades.

The real question is, how do we combat undesirable stereotypes against us without alienating or resenting those in our community who perpetuate them? I feel like no matter how many cool, masculine, confident AMs there are, all it takes is one AM who resembles negative stereotypes to drag us back to square one.

Am I overthinking this and being too judgmental? Is this a valid feeling I have, or am I just being insecure? What are your guys' thoughts?

So the people over at AMAZN put on the 1st ever Asian Football Retreat. Much respect to them. 3 of the mentors below are all heritage Asians aka not full blood. Majority of the kids that came are all heritage Asians as well.

I know football is the most physical sport one can play and most Asian parents don't really encourage this sport but the question has to be asked regarding the racial make up of this event.

And please correct me if I am wrong I don't think there was 1 kid participating that came from 2 Asian Parent Household.

THE AWAKENING

Nikko Remigio - current Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver ( his dad is Filipino and mom is black/white )

Norm Chow - Former Tennessee Titans offensive coordinator , various collegiate coaching positions ( He's Hawaiian and has Chinese and Portuguese lineage)

Roman Gabriel III son of the only Asian-heritage NFL MVP ( his dad is Filipino/white mom is white )

I’ve been working on my anger management issues with a psychiatrist for the past year, the question that constantly get thrown back at me is always lead back to “why do you care?”. In regard to my work stress it really helped me tackle work with a more zen attitude, my performance stayed the same but my mental health improved a lot.

However when it comes with dealing with my parents, it feels like these gweilos are totally unsuitable for us.

My parents have been in Australia for 30 years plus now, they have made no effort to learn not just English but basic adult responsibilities. I’ve been taking care of all their bills and paperwork since I was a child, calling up customer service when things go wrong. Last year I told them they need to take ownership of their own stuff.

Well it’s blowing back on me My dad got into a car collision. Me, with my mental health in a much better state now, helped them called up, just to find out that they haven’t paid for their insurance in over a year now and there’s no way for them to be covered (this is also the second time this has happened). Now I will have to pay for the damages because my parents are terrible with money. I got pretty upset and started lashing out calling them useless, difficult, irresponsible and other horrible things they used to call me when I was a child.

When I tell my shrink about my outburst, her advice was “just ignore it”, “they will find a solution on their own”. Well their solution will be to tell my uncles and aunts how much of a terrible son I am, with leads to my cousins “reaching out for a chat” to persuade me to help. And the shrinks response? “Why do you care?”

I think it’s time for me to find alternative treatment. Thanks for listening to my rant

Been a minute, its ya boy dynobeats professional sh*t talker back with another one. I just dropped a 10-track album I wrote, produced, recorded, mixed, and mastered completely alone out of my home studio in NYC.

The title is No Spoon which has multiple meanings for yall to figure out

As an Asian artist in hip hop this genre isnt built for us naturally, Ive been studying hip hop for over 18 years now and my Ive finally built a lane that is truly my own unique sound.

Managed to run up my listeners from 0 to 25k built entirely independently.

No label or team just pure NYC hustle

NO SPOON is out now on all platforms. Would genuinely appreciate the community giving it a listen.

Search Dyno on Spotify or: https://open.spotify.com/album/7kWcGCuizFg4R8AZ8bF1Zd?si=X0RhEmZrTvGYNvliymZ8cw

I have always been attracted to east asian men but I have always been very shy around them. There have been times when guys have tried to talk to me irl, but I am just a shy person so I don’t say much back.

Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, through reddit, I have been able to be blunt about my preferences. I have a Japanese fwb & recently I dated Vietnamese guy briefly who I really liked. I thought he liked me, we were getting along very well, but when I asked him if he liked me, he kinda got spooked and told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Up until that moment he did a lot of things that made me feel like he liked me. Talking to me on the phone a lot, paying for dates, inviting me over etc… I am currently dating another Japanese guy, he is half black. I’m not sure where it will end up, but probably I’ll be stuck as another fwb or something 😭 but we haven’t hooked up yet because I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I only started because I wanted access to men I felt like I wouldn’t have a chance with otherwise unless it was transactional.

So my question is, would you only see a black girl as an option for fwb or would you date a black girl seriously?

I have really enjoyed my experiences with these men, being with someone you’re actually attracted to is electric. I want to cry because until I met my Japanese fwb, I never enjoyed sex before. He tells me a lot that he enjoys me too lol the other day he told me he had a dream about me 😭

I am not delusional. I know I have some work to do. I am a pretty girl. I have a baby face & big eyes, but I am over weight. Not huge or sloppy, but an average chubby girl. My fwb says he loves my body 😭 he is always comparing it to girls he is used to & seems to have a fascination with my ass in general lmao but I know lust & sexual attraction isn’t the only thing I am after. All of these guys have said they think I am pretty but they could also just be saying that !! I can send pictures if anyone wants to give me an honest answer but not gonna just post pictures of myself on here.

So if I were to get my body together & work on myself for like a year, and try to actually find a relationship with an Asian man, do you think I have a chance? Or is dark skin just so undesirable in the Asian community that it’s not happening no matter how good I look in other aspects? Ever since I’ve had this revelation that I want something more, I’ve cleaned up my eating & I am losing weight. I’ll be a healthy weight in 6 months maybe, and maybe in a little less than a year be an aesthetically pleasing kind of weight lol idk how to describe it ! Smaller than I need to be for health reasons, but the kind of girl that most men seem to like.

I’m not bitter or sad about beauty standards, it is what it is. I don’t hate myself or anything, I need to lose weight for my health anyway, but I would like to know if I should just curb my expectations or try to date elsewhere if I want a serious relationship.

Thank you for reading & for any feedback you may have for me. I am not sensitive so you can say whatever as long as it is the truth because I truly want to know.