r/AskWomenAbove40

Hi guys. I need your advice - boyfriend (35m) loves to be rough during sex call me names and stuff(which im fine with) but lately he pushed the limit more and more - insisting on anal , slapping my tits etc which im not into at all. i DO NOT want to break up with him nor want him pissed but wanna set a boundary for my man

*Plwaze do not be overly harsh or mean , I’m in my feelings right now and I probs will cry .

TLDR - Where can an outdoorsy woman who is 33 meet a husband? Why is it so hard to find a good partner?

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So I am 33. I have lived a difficult life I will say, as I had a pretty rough childhood with parents who were highly abusive (both not in my life , and my brother either he is violent ). I also ended up surviving two other severe traumas , with one was being extremely difficult on me. I am a survivor of severe domestic violence , where my first boyfriend acted like the most perfect good guy, until we moved away together. And turned out he was a satanic psychopath like Ted Bundy. I am lucky to be alive. He has stalked me heavily. He came back years later too . I had to flee my state and live in the woods in a tent in winter.

However - I will say this. All my experiences and adversity I have faced has made me a deeply spiritual , strong minded, resourceful, and positive person. I am officially on the other side where I worked so so hard to reach a place of being completely solid. I have worked on my mental health , did a lot of work and learning about CPTSD and PTSD. Family systems, etc . I have lasted mindfulness, meditation , and I also have changed my life in two years. I created a bunch of goals and visions for my life and steadily worked hard on them and have achieved them. I have taught myself a lot of useful skills. I taught myself so many hobbies. I’m An amazing cook and I eat very clean , whole foods, into herbalism etc.

I am very outdoorsy. I love nature, fishing, foraging, camping. I have sought out living off grid the past years , I didn’t grow up in the country I grew up in an apartment In the city . I have created an epic life now that people are usually impressed by. I work on farms , and I live off grid on 40 acres.. I cRetake a property for a 90 year old badass homesteader who is like a grandpa to me now . I’m surrounded by abundance of food, water from a spring. I have no power and I live in a cute cabin on the property with my Mastiff , my Cattle Dog, and my cat. I work on farms, I do art and sell art. I do side gigs and take care of animals and seniors. I just spent the summer commercial fishing in Alaska too, working as a deckhand. Hard work but make good money doing that.

I carry myself with my chin up, backbone , and morals and values .

With how active I am , and all the manual labor lol I have also have my body looking good. I am 5’6” and have a naturally small waist and wide set hips , I am fit, but with a booty and large chest. I could use some body fat but I’m getting there. I am not overweight and I am strong . I have black long shiny thick hair , and super bright emerald green eyes. People trip out in my eyes often. A man I went with on a date said he was enamored and feels like I see right through him . I’ve been told that before. I am south East Asian mixed with mostly white so a bit exporic looking I’ve been told I look Native American.

I am confident, sweet, great with children (I’m like Mary Poppins fr ) , great with animals and people in general, feminine but kinda badass way, really pretty voice , I am very intelligent as well and clever. Good sense of humor. I had a dude telll me I was too smart for him . I had another dude say I was very intelligent, like a calculated psychopath 🙃 which honestly hurt my feelings and made me cry right there in the bar lol.

I have a big heart. I’m the person who shows up for others and helps strangers.

Now , please don’t start thinking I’m writing this to brag and get attention. I am telling you the traits of what I think attracts men.

Here are some things that might be a turnoff - I am really happy alone and I don’t always response immediately . I also live and do things where I’m often out of service. I have found I think some dudes aren’t used to a girl not being texting right away and immediately hooked. I’m not good at responding at first but once I’m super into someone I am reliable, responsive .

I have deep seated trust issues . I have dated men and then first night together had nightmares they were secretly evil. This is definitely a PTSD thing. I’m not possessive or mean but think of me like a feral cat. I don’t trust you and I will run.

I can be pretty quirky and bubbly people say. I honestly think also I can come off as intense or if I’m around people too much it makes me act all socially awkward and feel intense and I think my intense energy people pick up on the vibe and are turned off by me . I spent the majority of my time in nature or with my animals . I love people and great with communication but idk people have said I’m autistic because it drains me to be around people and communicating with most people takes a lot of effort because o have to watch how much details I use , and not be too intense . I can talk a lot when I get nervous and socially anxious. Or if I’m very tired I don’t notice and will ramble and have too many details and talk a lot. I’m working really hard on that. My authentic self is quiet, observer , and introverted . That’s why I spend most of my time alone because it’s when I feel the most myself and comfortable.

Another thing is I have no parents or sibling. So that’s probably a negative for many people. I have aunts na cousins but they are far. Makes me kinda sad when on dates people ask about family .!but I do have a great community in my area who takes care of me

I can be calculated but I do not use that skill for evil or manipulation or anything unethical. I am pretty intelligent and I’ve had to survive . So I know how to survive . I can be calculated nad manipulative if I need to , to survive , in the past when I was homeless or in bad situations . But I have the biggest conscience I follow and morals and a huge heart. But I low key could probably have my own cult or be an evil con. Man if I wanted to .

I go on dating apps and get hundreds of likes, with many men who are very handsome and successful.

But I am not the best at following up and haven’t seen much that caught my eye or sometimes they just don’t engage or respond .

I live in a rural area so it’s hard to meet people and I’m not sure who is married or not and these days people don’t hit on other

I do like going to bars once in a while. I’m the kinda gal to sit with a whiskey near and a soda water with lemon and sip on it , then maybe have a beer. I chat with dudes and I often get hit on or told randomly by people how beautiful I am or how hot . But no one worthwhile, mostly it seems like if I do meet a guy who seems solid, not an alchohlic , and handsome and normal I can sense a vibe and flirting but they never ask me out

I have severe trust issues too I know that’s getting in my way

I’m 33 and I want babies really bad . Also, whoever dates me basically would have 40 acres a cabin and a full on homestead , on a sweet area , on a mountain top , and then we could do fun things like fish and forage and make fish tacos. Sometimes I’m by my fire , o a. Full moon. With mY dogs. Sitting there smoking a joint , vibing to country music , cooking food on sticks. Thinking there has to be a good guy who would be love to doing this with me right now

It’s not that I’m picky or have u fair standards. Relationships are brutal and I think true love and partnership is a rare and I’m not gonna rush into or settle with something that doesn’t feel right . Alll I want is someone with some confidence , morals, values, a backbone, (some type of intelligence , common sense , critical thinking , on my level doesn’t need to be smart as long they are wise ) love the outdoors and would be reliable and dependable and I’m attracted to . I also am not even that picky in the looks department either so don’t come for me you know . Just not alcoholism or addiction .

Please with your advice dont be too mean I sont really feel like being insulted. I’m a good woman who wants a partner and I am a catch. I went on an amazing date with a man in Alaska when I was fishing, the date truly was the best date ever we hit it off but I think he may be an alcoholic and so that is a bummer .

How and where can I meet a man that isn’t an alchohlic or abusive ? That’s basically my bottom line . Someone who is healthy and has overcome and living life and having fun and pursuing goals . Outdoorsy . What am I missing? How do I find a husband ?

I’m a 6'1", 250 lbs Indian guy living in the US. I’m pretty heavily built from working out. I’m naturally very shy, and whenever I'm at the gym, I notice girls staring at me not everytime,but most of the time. A few women (specifically Black women) have come up to me and complimented me, saying I'm handsome/good looking.
However, because I’m shy, whenever people stare(girls), I get nervous and never look back in their eyes. My curiosity is: what goes through your mind when you see a guy my size? Are women staring because they find my size attractive, or is it because a big guy can look intimidating or harmful? Just trying to understand the gym dynamic or in general better. Thanks!