r/BPD4BPD

I am in a terrifying pain , I have Borderline personality disorder , I am jobless , lonely , Humiliated by my circumstances , I have been suffering since a very young age , I am 23 in July and I have not achieved anything in myself ,I only destroyed myself, I dont have amy friends on line or in real life . I need urgent support , I am on medication since 2022, But its not helping , Therapy also didnt worked But I think i should seek professional Help from a therapist soon ,I am going mentally insane , I neeed someone to talk to me ,please someone ? If u can provide some support .

I (F28) am currently going through some difficult times. To be honest, I have friends, they are the absent type, and none of them know about me having bpd.

Is there anyone who would like to connect and become friends? At least, just to talk freely about our feelings and thoughts without the fear of being judged or scaring people away.

Thank you.

I'm 38(M) . He's 23(M). We were together for 3 years.

Yesterday a friend who used to live with us told me the truth about who he really is. He cheated on me from the very first day I let him move into my house. He brought men into my bed, took pictures of them sleeping naked there. He slept with friends of ours, people who came to our house, who I trusted. More than 20 people over two years.

He's polyamorous, apparently which I don't belive. But he never told me. He kept me in a monogamous relationship while living a completely different life behind my back. He chose me for stability, the home, the support, the loyalty, while he was falling deeply in love with a close friend of ours, to the point of writing a book about him.

I caught him on Grindr twice. The first time was on Christmas. He denied it to my face, made me feel crazy. Then drugged himself and cut himself in the bathroom so I would come back. I did. His mother died shortly after I ended things the second time, in December. I came back to support him through that grief. He swore he had changed. I believed him.

Days ago he confessed he was talking sexually with another guy. I left. He admitted he would have done the same again, that he didn't know how to stop himself.

I cried for his mother like she was mine. I gave him 10,000€ to open a café that is in his name only. He still hasn't paid me back.

He was the love of my life and he used to say I was the love of his life....

He's also been self-harming since he was a teenager. Smokes hash daily to silence the voices in his head. Has zero ability to be alone with himself. Compulsive sexual behavior. Possibly borderline.

I blocked him last night. I have therapy scheduled. I have STI tests scheduled. I told his aunt the truth so he couldn't keep playing the victim.

I'm 38. I'm starting over. I have nothing left in the city where we lived together. All the friends and family there are his.

I don't even know what I'm asking. I just needed to put it somewhere. If anyone has been through something similar, I'd appreciate hearing how you got through the first weeks. 😭

​Hey everyone. I just needed to vent to a community that might actually get it because my life is a mess and I am entirely on my own. I recently found out I have CBPD. For me it means I am extremely logical but my foundation for social, intimate and friend relationships is emotionally messed up. To make it a million times worse I am dealing with the fallout of my marriage to my wife who has undiagnosed BPD.

​Our whole story has been a nightmare. She came to me with no real world experience, depressed, with holes and stains in all her clothes. She supported us financially briefly early on, but only because I guided her to it as our absolute only option to survive. I drove her everywhere, taught her everything, made sure she had warm meals, and basically had to be her dad for the entire marriage. I managed her credit score, payments, nursing license and school. We even got a fancy car just to build our nonexistent credit. I physically bought her clothes and threw old ones away because she did not care how she looked. I took care of her so much she felt like a dependent, meaning we lacked a bedroom life for a while because I genuinely could not view her sexually.

​Later I started working 12 hour float pool shifts as a CNA and PCT at local hospitals and grinding through nursing school prerequisites. I was still taking care of our dog and cat, dealing with my immigration status, the pressure of a new country, and racism. She was constantly on autopilot. She broke salad tongs pulling them apart, forced a locked door handle until it almost broke, and burned food by ignoring instructions. I had to chase her around to do things. I asked her nicely for months to handle responsibilities and she ignored it. When I finally took a stern approach and made her do it on the spot, she made me out to be the bad guy. She could never compromise on simple things like McDonald's versus Taco Bell, it was always her way or the highway.

​Her financial irresponsibility ruined so much. She paid an eighty dollar phone subscription for her mom every month for a year and a half without noticing. She messed up her NCLEX timing by ignoring paperwork. She ignored student loans and ruined her credit score. Her job asked for marriage proof and she never checked, getting me kicked off insurance and leaving me with a thousand dollar medical bill.

​Then came the cheating. Right when I was going through my first motorcycle accident, suffering spine fractures and dealing with the hardest moments of my life, I found out she cheated. She showed no remorse and claimed I pushed her to seek kindness elsewhere. She shifted the blame to me. I begged for empathy and snapped in absolute desperation. She recorded me at my lowest right after getting cheated on and used it against me. She criminalized me, accused me of wanting a green card, called the police, and threatened my future and existence.

​She ended up at a California facility that was completely predatory. They fed her narrative and delusions instead of holding her accountable, manipulating the situation and doing massive damage. Even while she was there, I bought her a diamond to replace our promise ring and went crying to neighbors terrified she would hurt herself. She just gave me hate. She expected me to hurt our pets and myself when she left, falsely claiming I went to therapy just to talk badly about her. It feels horrible because the sweet amazing woman that I loved is just gone, and I do not know what is going on.

​To top it all off, we got kicked out of our place because she refused to pay rent, spending her money on clothes, food, makeup, and other patients. There were charges for a hotel room she claimed was for a roommate, car cleaning despite having no car, and hundreds of dollars sent over Zelle, Venmo, and Cash App. I am in my own place now and she does not know where I live, but I might have to move again due to my house owner or roommate. On top of this relationship trauma, I am drowning in immigration struggles and the California fallout. Physically I am destroyed because right in the middle of this mess, I had my second motorcycle accident. While I am meant to keep everything good completely alone, she is abusing the system for a paid vacation in California.

​I am 24 and have fought all my life. I worked since I can remember, moved to America with 150$ in my pocket, survived homelessness, and went through so much just to get here. I found a therapist and start next week, but right now I am so tired. I feel flawed, out of energy, out of hope, and completely drained. I want the struggle to end. My mental health has gone to really dark places. I am trying to keep it together but I am so hurt and alone. I need a support system more than ever but I am too messed up in the head to get that right now. I am just asking for some support and kindness because my life is a mess and I am running on empty. Thanks for reading.

(Tried to make this short haha)

After moving out of college and away from my closest friend, I realized one thing (friends for 7+ years).

I genuinely don’t want to talk to her.

I feel horrible (she’s my FP) but every time we text/call, I get angry. A 0 to 100 angry. I feel a little guilty.

Now in college I never spoke up for myself when we would have arguments/disagreements, and would end up caving and apologizing. Then I’d spiral and spend a load of money to try and make sure she wasn’t leaving…I felt very vulnerable and was just always walking on eggshells.

I also feel like that relates to me looking to her for stability which is something I do.

But I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to vent everything to her and explain every single grievance, but maybe that’s what I need to do?

Any advice would be super helpful!