u/JasperinoRi

I'm a trans teen, M15. I'm so tired. Ive had gender dysphoria since I was a kid. I'm PLEADING for healthcare, or even just for my family to treat me correctly and help me get clothes and a haircut, but I just can't get it. I'm so indescribably miserable. I developed BPD (not just from my transness, but it sure didn't help). I'm drowning. I really, really mean it. I swear to God it's like I can't breathe. It hurts so bad. It's like if I was dying of cancer and they won't give me chemo. I would feel so much better if they just fucking helped me. They're doing the opposite. My family. My school. My doctors. My government.

My therapist talks to me about radical acceptance, but I just don't know how to accept this. It's not fair. I can't even use the fucking bathroom in public. I can't play baseball.

I know there will be a day where I feel better, but it's so unbearable right now that I don't know what to do. Those who can help me just won't listen. My psych nurse and therapist listen to me, but they can't do anything to help. I'm in a red state with bans.

I live 15 minutes away from illinois, which is often called the most LGBT friendly state. My mom won't drive me over there. She won't help me. Not even just that. I can't change my name. She won't advocate for me in school.

She thinks she's doing enough because she doesn't use any pronouns in my presence (I'm talking she'll skip over the word, but she calls me a girl or maybe a 'they' when she thinks I'm not around) and she doesn't stop me from dressing how I want, she takes me to therapy, and she let the school change my name on the computer.

Also, my mom's boyfriend is super transphobic.

I know that I can't expect her to be the perfect ally right after I come out, but it has been YEARS. And I'm not expecting perfect. I just need more.

She thinks I'm shoving it in people's faces. She thinks it's a choice. It's not.

I just finished weening off ANOTHER antidepressant, because none of them make me feel better. The discontinuation syndrome is hitting me HARD.

Also, while I was typing this post, my mom was talking to me about mundane stuff, nd I was clearly in a bad mood. She gave me the same look she always gives me when I express frustration or sadness. I started crying because I felt like she sees me as a burden for my negative emotions. She said I was being dramatic. It hurt so fucking bad. I know she doesn't understand my perspective, but omg it hurt when she said that. Sometimes, I say things like that, but I ALWAYS come to my senses and apologize for hurting someone else. She never has.

I know my mom tries her best, and she isn't hurting me on purpose, but God. God God God I'm so exhausted. I'm so miserable all the time. I don't understand this. I don't get it.

So, my therapist talked about splitting yesterday

Which is the thing where your brain quickly goes from seeing something as all good to all bad as a defense mechanism

And I was thinking 'hmm I don't rlly think I do that because I don't consciously think of things as good or bad'

But I just realized that it's more than that exactly.

Like, I once went from viewing my therapist as the only person who knew how to help me to feeling like she was useless to me.

I realized that it isn't just GOOD and BAD, but positive adjectives and negative adjectives in a way.

Like...

nice to mean

helpful to useless

Competent to incompetent

Independent to dependent

Pretty to ugly

Or if someone loves you or dislikes you

Or if something is worth it or not

Does this sound right?

Also, there something I'm wondering

Is it splitting when you're mind changes really fast? Not in the "good to bad" way. For example, I I have really bad commitment issues. I can never decide whether or not I want to do or be something. Even if it's mundane.

Like whether or not I want to sign up for a certain class, take my driver's test, or order pasta for dinner. Is that splitting, or something else? My therapist didn't answer very well (I don't think she knows lol)

Hello! I (M<18) was diagnosed with BPD back in February. It's not on my medical chart because of stigma, but I get treated for it. I'm also autistic and have ADHD.

I'll be honest, there aren't words to describe how hard it is. My brain is constantly going 90 miles an hour, I feel like I don't know who I am or what I enjoy, my mood, feelings, and thoughts change constantly.

It's really scary. It makes me feel scared AND scary. I'm a high school student. I just want to feel like one. I don't want to live like this. I constantly feel like the life I want is so far above me. I already hate myself enough, and I've learned that society hates me, too.

I've done some DBT, but I'm not very good at applying skills and concepts to real life. I came here in hopes of finding a safe space and learning from others.

If anyone has any positivity, experiences, skills, or anything like that, I would love to read it.

So, I (m15) am autistic and receive treatment for BPD. I frequently go to medicine checks where I am asked to discuss my symptoms, and I never know what to say. Does anyone know where I can find a list of symptoms and pick the one that describe what is happening with me? I always miss stuff when I try to discuss it myself. Does this make sense? I know that autism can make understanding yourself and your body difficult, so I thought someone here might be able to help.

I, M minor, was in the living room with my mom. We were both watching the slideshow on the picture thingy. A photo of me that I don't like came up, and I reached over and casually hid it from showing up on the slideshow again. I didn't even delete it.

My mom got really upset and scolded me for deleting her pictures. And I was like 'okay. Next time I'll ask you, and you'll hopefully do it' because it's a respect thing, you know? If someone tells you that something bothers them, you should stop doing it or change it if it doesn't inconvenience you too much (such as something this mundane)

She got up and said 'i can't have anything that brings me joy! It makes you guys (me and my siblings) sick I guess. I worked hard on putting those pictures on there.'

(All she did was click the photos to add them)

1. it feels like she's manipulating me.

2. there are plenty of pictures on there that are way better. She can also view this photo ANYWHERE

3. it wasn't just a photo I thought was ugly. It was a photo that genuinely makes me very upset and uncomfortable to see

4. i know I should've just deleted it when she wasn't looking, as she wouldn't have even noticed it, but that isn't the point. The point is that she doesn't respect me, my triggers, or my boundaries. She never has.

Edit: people want an explanation, so here. I am a trans man (have always expressed it) and the photo shows my body in a leotard. It's a pretty recent photo because my marching band put me in it. Wearing that uniform caused me so much distress that it put me in danger. I don't want to see my body like that. She knows this, and she tries to make me feel bad about it. I know the picture may not seem like a big deal, but it reminds me that i'm trapped in my own skin.

So, what do you think? Am I the asshole here?

Edit: I realize that I should've verbalized my discomfort. I didn't even consider it in the moment because it always ends up with my mom making comments about how we hate to see her happy. I guess I didn't wanna deal with that, but I had to deal with it anyways. You see, my mom has always been the kind of person to get defensive when you express that she has done something to bother you. I've been in therapy for a long time, but she hasn't been working on bettering her communication and accountability. I still need to work on how I communicate with my mother and express myself.

I've always been alt, but i have only recently started doing DIY with studs and safety pins and funky materials. I'm wondering.. how do we wash this stuff?? Do things not break?

I just started doing more diy with clothes! What are some things that I should get for DIY fashion?

I've thought about fabric paint, safety pins, and painter's tape. I know there are probably plenty of other supplies I should get. Any suggestions?

Tw: casual mentions of genital preference ?

OKAY, SO I (pre-T M15) have been talking to a guy (cis m16) for a bit. I'm trans, and I usually don't want others to know, but I felt it was right to come out to him. (I was trying to pass as a cis man, not a cis woman)

He basically explained that he knew because of my voice. THAT hurt.

THEN, he said that he's pansexual (which doesn't matter because I'm a DUDE) maybe he's thinking about anatomy, but 1) he says he's asexual, and 2) genital preference is different than sexuality

THEN!! he said he usually prefers trans men over cis men because they're nicer

I know that our experiences make us more empathetic on average, but like.. it feels like he is a chaser.

Idk what to say. He's also doing that thing where he tried to make me feel bad for not answering for so long. "FUCK FUCK I HURT YOUR FEELINGS" and "oh."

Idk man idk

Actually, I DO know deep down. I just need some thoughts.

i, FTM minor, am really exhausted.

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I don't know what's going on. My head and my heart just feel so heavy and i can't get it to go away. I feel so unsafe everywhere. I feel like i'll never be able to live authentically as my self. The dysphoria is getting so bad. I don't want to die, i just want out of this hell. I feel more and more miserable every day. I can't go on HRT for 3 more years. I feel like i won't survive until then. I can't seem to cry about anything anymore. I know that life is beautiful and there's so much stuff I want to do before my time is done, but I don't know if I'll make it past this point of my life where I have no control of anything. i'm autistic, so I'm very mature for my age and I understand the world better than most other people I know do. I also have BPD. I can't handle school because it's not made with people like me in mind. I can barely even handle my own home. I don't feel safe anywhere outside of my own bedroom. Even when I'm in there, I don't feel perfectly safe. I just feel so numb. I need to hold somebody and sob, but there's nobody to hold and tears just won't come. I'm a he/him trans man. I feel like I'm fighting just to keep everybody else alive and happy when I can barely even keep myself afloat anymore.

But, then I remember that I have gotten so much closer these past few years.

Note: this is not asking for medical advice. I want to hear about others' experiences. I understand that everyone has different experiences.

I am a trans masc teen who can not take T. I have severe gender dysphoria. My period makes me severely mentally unwell every month.

I want to see if birth control can stop my period, but I know that they can boost estrogen and worsen dysphoria. I have also heard that there are estrogen-free options.

Have any of you guys taken birth control that has minimal feminizing effects?

Hello! I (M15) am autistic and have other disabilities. I am a good student with straight As. However, I genuinely think I need this 504. I'm being denied it, though, because my grades are good. I don't know what to do. I need my headphones. I need my sunglasses. I need my extra time. I may be getting good grades, but I don't ABSORB as much information because I can't focus on the actual material (bc I have to focus on doing the bare minimum to get the grade). Any advice?

(Also, I was assigned female at birth. I think my birth sex might subconsciously play a role in why I'm being discriminated against this way)

Hello! I (M15) am autistic and have other disabilities. I am a good student with straight As. However, I genuinely think I need this 504. I'm being denied it, though, because my grades are good. I don't know what to do. I need my headphones. I need my sunglasses. I need my extra time. I may be getting good grades, but I don't ABSORB as much information because I can't focus on the actual material (bc I have to focus on doing the bare minimum to get the grade). Any advice?

(Also, I'm trans, so I was assigned female at birth. I think my birth sex might subconsciously play a role in why I'm being discriminated against this way)