r/toastme

I know no one here on reddit can help me, but honestly this is kinda my only way to not feel so alone. Basically posting to the void so someone out there knows I exist.

I just turned 35, live near Seattle in Washington state, and have never had a girlfriend before. I haven't even been able to go on so much as a first date in almost 4 years. Outside of a couple meaningless lucky tinder hookups in my late twenties, my dating life has pretty much been non-existent and NOT for a lack of effort or putting myself out there.

Sometimes I feel like someone put a curse on me or I'm being punished for something I did in a past life, because I simply have no other explanation.

I hit the gym regularly and stay in decent shape, hit up bars, clubs, social events, singles mixers, hiking groups, been salsa/swing dancing and used dating apps; I simply get no mutual romantic interest...ever. Sometimes I'll get a girls number but they never text back and just ghost before I even had a chance to mess something up. Even had some of my women friends try to set me up with their friends, but they never find me attractive back. They're always baffled why a handsome, intelligent and funny dude like myself struggles and quite frankly...I couldn't say. I did everything I was given advice to try and improve like being in shape, working on confidence, social skills, being funny/charming and cold being passionate about something. I even adopted some kitties who I love dearly to help me feel better and take my mind off things.

It's easy to look at people like us who are struggling and say oh "his personality must be bad" or "he's approaching the wrong women', but truthfully I do believe some of us are plain and simply unlucky or a bad victim of location.

I'm not this desperate guy that's gonna become a passport bro or literally ask out every single woman that walks down the street or take anyone. I always just genuinely believed that putting yourself out there and doing the things you enjoy would eventually put you in front of someone who was attracted to your energy and it would all workout naturally.

All I do is get rejected constantly. How can any man stay sane or have any confidence left when he's gone his entire life basically being told he's not good enough. 🥲

I'm incredibly lonely. Never in a millions did I ever imagine it would be this difficult to find one woman to date and connect with who likes you back.

Edit: I’m trying my best to reply to all comments. I honestly didn’t expect this many kind words when I posted this. I will try my best to get to everyone it just may take time

Been sober after years of drug use. Feeling really depressed about myself and having no relationships, Getting rejected left and right as well. Hope y’all can say something nice :)

Here’s what I wrote in my diary: I wrote to my uncle who passed away 8 years ago; imagine I’m sending a letter than would never be sent

Dear tio,

I'm not doing great. I feel so lost, just a walking corpse waiting for its expiration date. I try so hard to be seen, but no one hears me. I call out, no one answers: A never ending cycle. What once was full of light is nothing but darkness. Maybe I'm the problem, all I do is push people away, it's what I do best. No one stays, even if my intentions are geniune. Sometimes a pure heart is never enough, it shatters every single time. A heart made of glass, but yearns for love. My future feels light years away, everything moves too fast and I can’t keep up. Everyone leaves and moves on, while I'm left in the dark. Life isnt fair. I keep telling myself, I cant control anyone's actions except my own, and It's true, but it still hurts. All I do is hurt. A pain that never goes away, it lingers, waiting to strike. All I want is to see the light again, to leave the dark, to let it go. All I can do now, is have hope. I have hope.

Got sent home early by my team lead and also got told to put my two weeks on because I don’t know how to do anything I’ve only been working for 3 weeks and barely got scheduled (I worked for Starbucks in target) and found out my work crush who walks with me everyday and waits for me after work and teases me all the time…has a long distance girlfriend bro and someone walked in on me in the target bathroom (doesn’t lock) crying smh so embarrassing also i feel like so unlucky with men sometimes but life is life god the only man i need or sum at least im funny

Today is my birthday and I took this photo in the bathroom since the lighting was good. I thought it was nice but then my mom took a pic of me that was so bad that I feel very self conscious now 😭 I just shaved my beard and so I feel a bit weird

just kind of wanted to share this in a place where my friends won’t see idk I just want to feel better about myself