r/BlackCatJoy

We gave back the sweetest black kitten we’ve ever met, and we’ve regretted it every day since. Now we’re looking to adopt another kitty.

I know this is going to be a long post, and I also know I may get some harsh comments. Honestly, I understand. If you think we made a terrible decision, I probably won’t disagree with you. I just want to share the whole story because there’s a lot of context behind why we’re looking to adopt again.

About a month ago, my husband and I went to a Petco that had a local shelter adoption area. We had absolutely no plans to get a pet. We were literally just there looking.

There was this little black kitten, probably around 3–4 months old.

She came over and sat directly on my husband’s lap.

My husband had never had a pet before. Not once. But something about this tiny black kitten choosing his lap completely melted him. Within minutes, he was in love.

So we adopted her.

And honestly, she was everything you could ever want in a kitten.

She was outgoing, incredibly sweet, cuddly, playful, constantly purring, and absolutely beautiful. She had this silky, shiny black coat, a fluffy bushy tail, and she was basically a little shadow who wanted to be around us all the time.

But the thing that meant the most to us was how gentle she was with our son.

Our son is autistic, and he immediately became attached to her. From the very first day, she would sit with him, purr next to him, and let him cuddle her.

She never scratched him. Never hissed at him. Never tried to hurt him.

There was one thing that started worrying me, though.

My son didn't really understand when to give her space. He would sometimes grab her around the neck or not let her walk away when she wanted to move. I kept thinking that maybe we had brought a pet into our home before he was ready to understand how to interact with one properly.

Even though the kitten didn't seem bothered and never reacted aggressively, I was constantly watching them.

And then I started having doubts about whether we were actually giving this kitten the life she deserved.

Both my husband and I work from home, but we're in front of our laptops for most of the day. We started thinking that this incredibly social, affectionate kitten deserved someone who could give her much more attention.

Looking back, I think I also got cold feet about being a pet owner.

Instead of giving ourselves more time to adjust, I made the decision to return her to the shelter.

And that is the decision I regret more than I can explain.

We dropped her off and drove home.

That night, neither of us could really eat. The house felt completely empty.

My son just sat on the couch.

For the next three days, we kept checking the shelter's website, hoping maybe she was still available.

She was.

And then, one day, she wasn't.

Someone had adopted her.

That's when it really hit us.

We broke down.

My son kept asking about her. He would wake up in the middle of the night crying and asking where she was. He kept her picture in our prayer room and would look at it and ask God to bring her back.

Watching that completely broke me.

I called the shelter and asked if there was any possibility of getting her back. They contacted the new owners, but understandably, they said no.

And I don't blame them.

They adopted a kitten from a shelter. They fell in love with her. They gave her a home. They had absolutely no obligation to give her back just because we regretted our decision.

I even asked the shelter if I could offer the new owners $1,000–$2,000 if that would convince them to return her.

They refused.

Again, I understand.

I know how that sounds.

I know some people will say, "You gave her up. You don't get to demand her back."

They're right.

I don't think we were entitled to her. I was just desperate and heartbroken and willing to do almost anything to undo my mistake.

I even reached out to the founder of the shelter after discovering that she worked at my company. I tried calling and texting, hoping there was somehow something that could be done.

Eventually, the communication basically stopped.

And honestly, I understand that too.

From the shelter's perspective, we adopted a kitten and then returned her. Then, after someone else adopted her, we came back asking for her again and even offered money.

I can absolutely see how that could look like we were being difficult or entitled.

The truth is, we're not people who normally behave this way. My husband and I are both extremely introverted and sensitive people. We're the kind of people who won't even complain at a restaurant if our order is wrong.

But we were hurting.

And we were especially hurting because our son had lost the one little friend he had become so attached to.

It's been a month now.

He still remembers her.

He still cries for her.

And that's the part that I can't get out of my head.

I know I can't change what I did. I know we made the wrong decision. I know the kitten is probably happy in her new home, and that's ultimately what matters.

But we haven't been able to simply "move on."

We've been visiting shelters all over the Bay Area.

We've driven 60–65 miles just to meet kittens.

And I think we're making another mistake in a different way.

We're looking for her in every kitten we meet.

We meet a black kitten who hides under the couch, and we think, "She's not like our girl."

We meet another who is nervous around people, and we think about how our kitten would have walked right over and climbed into our laps.

We're looking for that same personality.

A kitten who is outgoing.

Social.

Friendly.

Cuddly.

Playful.

A total lap kitty.

And, admittedly, we're also hoping for that beautiful silky, fluffy, all-black coat.

I know that's incredibly specific.

I know every kitten has its own personality, and I know we're probably making things harder for ourselves by comparing every kitten to the one we lost.

But we're trying.

We're trying to fill the empty space in our home.

More importantly, we're trying to find a companion for our son.

I don't want another kitten to be a replacement for her. She can't be replaced. And I don't want to make the same mistake again.

This time, we're trying to make sure we're actually ready.

We're also working with our son on how to properly interact with a cat—giving the cat space, being gentle, understanding that a cat can walk away and doesn't always want to be held.

We want to do this responsibly.

So, with all of that said, we're looking to adopt a black kitten, preferably around 3–4 months old or younger, who is social, outgoing, friendly, affectionate, playful and enjoys being held or sitting on laps. Ideally, we're looking for a kitten with a soft, silky, fluffy black coat.

We live in the Bay Area and are willing to drive up to 100 miles for the right match.

If you know of a kitten who might fit this description, please let me know. We are happy to go through a shelter or legitimate rescue and are absolutely willing to follow the proper adoption process.

And yes, I know I'm probably going to get some harsh comments.

I deserve some of them.

I'm not posting this to convince anyone that what we did was right. It wasn't. We made a decision, realized we had made a terrible mistake, and unfortunately couldn't undo it.

I just hope that someday we can give another little black kitten the loving, stable home we should have been ready to give the first one.

And maybe, in the process, give our son a little friend again.

Thank you for reading this incredibly long post.