r/BlackWomen

Ladies & gay besties I need your help. A few weeks ago me and a guy I was dealing with linked and did the devils tango. And right after we were done he went to the front of his car to go retrieve a towel to clean me up. As he was grabbing it I peeped that he had my airbud case in his hand. I didn't think too much of it because of the c*m running down my leg. But I ended up forgetting about them until he dropped me off home. When I got inside I realized I didn't have them and I texted him. But unfortunately he didn't receive the text until he got home. For context he lives in Maryland and I live in Pennsylvania. From his place to my place it's an hour and something minutes drive. We were both tired and worn out so I didn't push for him to come back and drop them off. But we both agreed that the next time we see each other he would give them to me. We've both had pretty busy weeks so we haven't been able to meet up. But there was a few things he said in particular that caught my attention. I won't lie I don't know what was wrong with me when I said this but when we were doing the devil's tango he asked who's is it. And normally I always tell whoever i'm with it's mine. But on this particular occasion I said it's his and he could have it whenever he wanted. I genuinely don't know what came over me when I said that. And normally when I do activites such as these i'm normally js sore. But this time my hips were sore and that's never happened to me before. It was the type of sore where not unless to touch it you wouldn't even know you were sore. And I had asked him what type of magic did he put on me? Cause my hips were sore for almost a whole week. And what he said genuinely kinda had me a little scared but I shrugged it off as a joke. He said " No baby that's a curse". I Orginally shrugged it off because he a man that jokes a lot. I feel like this is important but I don't know. He is also a southern man, Georgia man. I also forgot to mention on 2 seperate occasions he asked me for a hickey before and during tge devil's tango he asked me for them. But ladies & gay besties should I be worried cause low-key I kinda am right now 😬. Fyi I am also a Nigerian women who does believe in spiritual consequences, so please let me know loves

I (33f) have been single for the last 5 years following a horrible breakup. I’ve been dating around but haven’t had a partner.

Some friends tell me my standards are too high and others tell me not high enough. So I would like some thoughts on my list:
- employed
- kind/empathetic
- culturally curious
- reader
- has hobbies
- likes to travel internationally
The list idea came up one night on a girls night. We wrote every possible thing I want if I could build my ideal partner and narrowed it down to one what’s listed above.

I just can’t tell if I’m blocking my blessings or appropriately discerning who I want to be with.

Thanks!

I 31F just realized that I actually dislike my mother. I live 8 hours away from her for the past decade, not once did she bother visit my son and I, but she has no issues driving 12 hours to visit my sibling.

We never had a really loving relationship as she was a teen mom and I was living with my grandmother for a chunk of my childhood while my mother was completing college and grad school.

My biological father was never in the picture never met me whatsoever, which definitely left a pretty significant impact in my life. I never questioned her about the suggest as she tended to turn violent and unreasonable when said subject was approached.

Fast forward this year, she casually dropped in a conversation that my bio father reached out to her when I was about 2 yrs old, and she denied him access to me because in her own words "He only asked because he heard about your dad". By "dad" she refers to my step dad she met after him who she married and had other kids with. my step dad l is a narc and made my life miserable by telling me to go find my real dad among many other things.

But today really broke me. I came to visit for my youngest sibling graduation. While there, her dog kept on chasing and jumping my son. Then the dog bite my son in the back hard. Broke a bit of skin. She didn’t even bother checking on my son and went to drop off my younger sibling off like nothing happened.

I dont know why, but this ultimately made me lose any once of respect that i had for her. I shortening my trip and plan on stopping all communication with her.

Planned on asking this in another sub but the word coon isn’t allowed there.. I feel like it’s valid here so I’ll use it, yeah.

I watched it with a friend two days ago and I’m not gonna lie, I feel like this was made for white folks as not a SINGLE joke was funny if I exclude Katt Williams and I think every word of his bit, he meant it.

Why the fuck would Netflix air this?

The master and slave jokes

The starving African child jokes

Kevin Hart on the sidelines shucking and jiving.

I know that he and all of the other black folks who participated in this program are just wanting to receive a pay check at the end of the day, but why at the expense of ourselves.

Smdh. I’m tired. 🫩

Today I just questioned myself why I am superdark . is it my fault .why my features are not good like others why my face is oval shape and you can say looks like a potato but what I can do in this i didn't choose this i know I look ugly i am well aware about that but it's something I can do nothing about that all the girls around me are so beautiful but me ....

My mom is fair skinned also my brother but genetically as my father is black I am black too no matter how many products I try I can never be fairer I am super frustrated now not because I am black but someone who is very close to me told me that I look like a ghost is it really? I mean I laughed at that but it crushed my soul and just......i am losing my confidence

I was wondering what do you say and why?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how many Black women in corporate environments become experts at “competence masking.”

Not hiding incompetence.
Hiding capability.

Making ourselves smaller.
Softer.
Less direct.
Less ambitious.
Less visible.

Because somewhere along the way we learned that being TOO competent can trigger resistance, exclusion, or intimidation.

I work in leadership coaching now, and I see this pattern constantly among high-achieving women of color.

Women who are:
• leading without the title
• doing executive-level work without executive recognition
• mentoring everyone else while being overlooked themselves

I’m curious:
what workplace behavior did you learn that later realized was survival, not authenticity?

Same as the title.

I know I'm not conventionally attractive. My face isn't anyway.

I've been bullied a lot for my appearance, overlooked, and harassed online for it. I have never seen another Black woman who looks somewhat like me receive praise. I think it's called "featurism" that I've gone through.

People always tell me to look for Black women who "look like you", but no one does.

I've done a lot for my appearance. I've changed my diet permanently, cut out most meat (besides fish), stay active, do skincare, take supplements, and try to maintain my hair, nails, and oral health. I took all the advice people gave me, but it doesn't work because my facial harmony is garbage. I cannot afford facial cosmetic surgery either.

For a long time, I wanted to be like the other Black women online who were praised, beloved, and seen as inspo for their appearance + how they carried themselves. All of the women who get reposted online, in the main sub, etc. I wish that could be me as well.

I only wanted to be beautiful so I could belong and like myself. I wanted to exist without fear of being ostracized for my facial features.

Society values looks. Lookism made it seem as though beauty equals safety, validation, opportunities, positive visibility, and much more.

I feel like I'm not a woman.

I do not want to "embrace" my ugliness. I want to be like the other Black women my age that have beautiful faces.

Please don’t flame me. I have no one else to speak to about this.

Preface this by saying, I’m attracted to and open to dating men of all racial groups.
I’m an unambiguous brown skinned lady , born and raised in the States and family is Southern African.

When I date minority men , I have significant problems. Most recently it was a Brazillian man who got weird about me not being “American American” and sent laughing emojis saying I look like I’m from Madagascar (nothing wrong with Malagasy people, but I did block him becase what’s funny???). He looked like he could have a fully black parent and followed very white ladies (when I saw this, I already planned my exit).

I tend to have this same or similar experience, where if I date a man who is not fully white, there seems to be an ingrained racial hierarchy in their minds, which is projected onto me or the dating experience, then when I don’t adhere to whatever invisible rules they have, they lose their minds. Same thing happened when I had a Mexican boyfriend (who yelled how police couldn’t arrest him bc he was a white boy - I was 17 and had to learn a lot of things on my own). He would get angry about me being in college and put me down by saying his people are naturally twice as smart as my people , especially because he speaks two languages. He later became a soundcloud rapper bragging about bagging a white girl. He has been blocked for years now.

My longest relationship was with a black guy, my college sweetheart. Sadly we did not last, but outside of him I have been called ugly to my face consistently by unambiguous black or mixed with black men my whole life.

It feels like some of these men can be physically attracted to me but hate that they are, and take it out on me at the same time. That or they genuinely believe I’m ugly and feel emboldened to tell me (from unambiguous black men).

I was open to all races of men but this has become so exhausting. The single group of men that have never behaved like this towards me are white men. I’m not pedestalizing them at all. I’ve had my fair share of toxic white men too. But never once has a white man had the audacity to tell me I’m ugly, project weird hierarchy invisible rules openly onto me or in our relationship or been afraid to be seen with / date me openly.

It’s a shame. I guess this is growing up. I came to terms a long time ago that my husband is probably going to be white. I genuinely feel attraction to everyone, but if non white men feel like they can “do better” by being with a white lady, I would rather choose peace and only date white. Safe to say, my Hinge has set racial preferences and all now, and I’ve been having a really good experience since doing this.

I had to get this off my chest.

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective from people who might have been in a similar situation.

I'm a freshman in college, almost 20. I've been largely self sufficient I'm on the dean's list, secured an RA position out of 200+ applicants, have an internship, run a small business, and have worked at the same company since I was 15.

A few weeks ago I sent my mom a heartfelt message about feeling depressed, unwanted, and alone. Instead of support, my mom got upset, told my dad, and he called and yelled at me for an hour and gave me an ultimatum follow his rules or leave. The "rules" I broke were going to a nearby college party once, spending time with my boyfriend, and researching summer housing options without telling them first.

Now it's finals week, move out is in 4 days, and they still won't give me a straight answer about whether I can come home. My mom keeps saying "you have security" but won't just say yes.

Here's the thing I actually have a solid plan to stay on campus. Summer RA housing covered, internship, multiple job opportunities stacking up, fall RA already secured. I like who I'm becoming here.

But I feel guilt, grief, and anxiety about choosing myself over going home.

Has anyone navigated choosing independence over a toxic home dynamic? How did you handle the guilt? Did it get better?

Edit: they also threatened my fafsa such as giving their info for it all while I have finals this week. Also like cutting me off so

I paid 10/11k of my tuition this year and largely pay for all my own stuff in 2 semesters I asked them for $30 and they paid a portion of one bill yet sent me an instagram post about children who are ungrateful and use their parents as bank accounts. I pay them to take me to work and they owe me over 2k

So my friend told me she went on a few dates with a dude who was 19 a few months back and she was 25. She said it was cuz she wanted to do a hook up but ended not doing so cuz the dude was too young

But am feeling the ick/appalled even that she even went on dates despite not doing anything. I mean if someone told you they went on dates with a 16/17 year old, it'd be gross and its the same thing honestly as she went out with a child

So am not sure but leaning towards cutting her of or telling people tbh

So I (22F) have this online friend I met through a game. Let's call him John (18M). John and I met through a game and we clicked and moved our convos over to discord. We were talking one day, and he randomly called me the N word (without the hard
-er) in a sentence, in like a joking way. I asked him if he was black too (he knew I was black from the beginning) because I genuinely didn't know but was also iffy, and he said no, he's Latino. I asked if he's Afro Latino and he confirmed that he's just Latino.

That honestly pmo but I know non black people use the word all the time 🙄 I told him he shouldn't use the word, especially around me. All he said was okay and that he wouldn't use it around me. This emo even more and I told him he knows he shouldn't be using it at all... right? He said isn't the intent all that matters and that where he's from everyone uses it. I said not really and it doesn't mean he should say it too but me trying to tell him to stop won't change anything if he still uses it. He basically agreed and ever since then, I've felt not as close to him as before.

And then today, he was sending me screenshots of a convo with another friend because I pointed out he has weird texting habits, and in the screenshot, his friend was using the n word... who he confirmed was also Hispanic. Idk this whole thing is making me want to ghost him, but I play the game we met on a lot and chances are l'Il ran into him and the game will be awkward. But I don't want to keep being friends with someone like this. He's old enough to know why it's wrong.