I ate chicken as a vegetarian
I come from a strictly vegetarian Indian family. We don't even add onion and garlic in our food. Omly Jain diet and values are followed. In my early 20s, I realised how much this is entrenched in casteism. I decided to rebel against my values and eat chicken. But this would have been a rebellion if my family knew. So after some time, I told my family.
My maternal grandmother, who I love and care deeply about, got really emotional. She was talking to me in shivering voice and crying. I felt really guilty and promised I would not eat non veg food again. She does not love me as much as she loved me before. But it felt liberating when the truth came out and the reason as well. I could not convince them, though.
I also realised I started eating chicken because I wanted my actions to match my thoughts. Now, I feel a weird discomfort. Maybe because the wound is still fresh. I am also upset with myself for causing so much pain to my grandmother. Any thoughts?