r/ClimbingCircleJerk

I love my crew, but being the strongest climber in the group is honestly a full-time unpaid babysitting gig.

Just got back from the crag and I swear I spent 85% of my day standing in the dirt staring up at a 5.6 slab. My buddy spent 45 minutes on it. He was matching on a ledge the size of a sidewalk, hyperventilating, and asking for beta on jugs you could see from space. Meanwhile, my neck is permanently bent at a 90-degree angle and my own project is just sitting there collecting dust.

Taking gym gumbies outside is wild. They show up with good vibes and zero gear, expecting me to be a mobile climbing store. They literally didn't bring anything while I'm out here hauling the 70m rope, draws, stick clip, and anchor gear for people who claim they "climb 5.12" but get absolutely shut down by an outdoor 5.7.

I waste so much time babysitting noobs, finishing routes people "just wanted to top-rope the start of," and ruining my vocal cords trying to yell "SLACK" to my deaf belayer on the ground.

I am honestly so tired of how soft and weak my crew is. People really need to step up their game.

I currently climb V17 comfortably, but to bring my climbing to the next level I have thought of an innovative training program.

I have acquired an extensive mineral collection (over 2000 pieces) and they make really good crimps and pinches.

Every day I do 10 repetitions of crimps and pinches of every single piece in the collection, followed by standing barefoot and doing 10 pistol squats on the most pointy corner of each. It takes me about 6h so I can only squeeze in two sessions including some rest in between.

However I feel like this is not really bringing me to my maximum potential, despite already doing the exercises shirtless.

Do you have any suggestions on how I could optimise my training protocol? I was thinking to expand the collection to seashells, so add some variety and training for more marine environments but I am not sure it is the move that will unlock V18 for me.

I’m tired of these gumby redditor retards recording their pink-in-the-corner sends on their 2nd inning at the climbing gym. Nobody gives a fuck about gym sends and especially not ur Gumby ass friendless jobless ass flopping on the wall like a fish. Get into the sport and then share once u have something to share.

Even worst are the lifeless gumbos updooting these damn “sends” and encouraging this behavior. We need more bullying in this damn community.

Thank god these retards don’t see sunlight else they’d be in our crags stinking up the place. In any case they can’t see holds unless they’re brightly colored.

God bless and send hard fellow crag goblins. 👹