r/CouplesCounselling

So I am 38F and my husband 38M , I have some friends (females specifically) with whom I reconnected, amazing women that I am glad to have in my life.

Yes some topics are about reminiscing, her boyfriends, a lot of introspection and analyzing in the aim of growing and sharing lives (we live in different countries).

Whenever my husband walks in while I am talking to one in particular, he makes faces and then overhears some part and start criticizing and finding something negative to say about how HE couldn’t handle her around.

Mind you we were all in Uni together and spent years together, like all the times. She is a sweet heart, so giving and genuine, she may seem a little naive at times but it’s because she is really genuine.

So it is truly bothering me when he does so, as well as the fact that now every time he walks in I get uncomfortable and end up hanging up. I asked him to stop talking negatively about the people I love, but he continues and disguises it as humour.

I guess I am wondering if anyone had such experience and could share a tip?

So I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month now, and we were talking for a bit before that too. On our first date, he came up to the door and introduced himself to my parents, which I know some people would appreciate, but honestly it made me uncomfortable. I’m 23 and I prefer to keep my dating life separate from my parents, especially early on, so it felt like things became more serious before I was ready for that. Since then, I’ve felt a bit trapped in it because my parents already know about him.
He’s also someone who always wants to spend time together, and while I know it comes from a good place, I’m someone who really values my alone time, especially after work. A lot of the time I’m exhausted and just want space, but he doesn’t really seem to pick up on that. He’ll still come over and just lay with me for a bit and leave, which could be sweet in another context, but because I live at home and things are chaotic there, I honestly just end up feeling uncomfortable and exposed rather than relaxed.
I also feel like our conversations are really one-sided. He tends to dominate them, and when I share a thought or opinion, it often feels like it gets corrected or one-upped instead of genuinely heard. He doesn’t really ask questions or seem curious about me as a person, and it feels like he equates simply spending time together with emotional connection, while I end up mostly listening. He is genuinely a nice person, and on paper we align in a lot of important ways like faith, values, and waiting until marriage, but aspects of his personality really frustrate me and I don’t feel emotionally seen in the relationship.
Part of me wonders if I should keep trying because no one is perfect and relationships take work, but another part of me feels like the connection just isn’t naturally there for me. #relationship

Hello,

I have been struggling with my boyfriend since last year due to behavior issues. I had left with my kids in October to another state and had been bouncing around place to place while pregnant at the time.

When I first separated from him he started counseling; in December my children and I ended up having to return to his residence due to issues with stability in housing, about to have my baby in January 2026 and he promised that he would change and no longer have his behavior issues.

When I first returned in December a little bit before Christmas, my boyfriend was still attending counseling; he had decided he got enough help and knowledge from the counseling to stop going; he stopped going in January.

As of March I have been having issues with his behavior. He has been yelling, calling me names , being controlling and as of recently hit an object because he was so angry; Some of these behaviors have happened around the children and then he blames me for his angry behavior.

I have a recording of a recent incident between us from MAY 12th 2026; if anyone wants to listen and please give me advice.

Other than the issues that I have been having; he is a good dad and he does support us financially at the moment so he may be financially stressed but I’m not sure what to think as I am past domestic survivor.

Is this abuse and can someone please help me with this?

I know it sounds plain and simple, yes- but with 5 years of feelings it is harder said than done.
For Context, bf (22 M) and I (21 F) got together our junior year of Highschool (when we were around 16) and he was also my only friend in Highschool towards the end of senior year. Basically, he means a lot to me and we even had our graduation party together. My Bf, call him Montana, was the first boy I ever loved and lost my virginity to. However, The spicy time aways lacked me being able to finish and for a long time I thought it was just me. With everything else being amazing in the relationship it was easy to overlook, especially since he has abs and a long ykw.

The real problems in our relationship began when I moved three hours away for college and he saved money by going to community college in our hometown. I could feel a sense of despair from him but for the first time I felt like I was developing my identity and forming actual friendships. I felt bad for having the best experience of my life without him since I could tell how much it impacted him being stuck in our hometown.
Before I left for college Montana bought me a $1200 promise ring and although I was ecstatic at the time, it became to be a heavy promise that I couldn’t back out of.
By my Thanksgiving break I brought my college bsf to stay with me since she lived out of state. Montana did not even give us a day to spend by ourselves and spent every night over. Granted, I should have asked him to give us space but at the time I felt like I couldnt ask him to leave since we couldn’t see eachother every day like I could see my college bsf ( Even though he did drive up every other weekend to stay with me). All this to say I started to feel extremely suffocated when he told me he wanted to transfer to my college the spring semester so we wouldn’t be apart.
I had a blast my first semester and honestly was a little disappointed because the college was something I finally felt like was mine ( ik it sounds weird but my therapist says I have anxious attachments so being on my own is extremely scary). Regardless, I was proud of him for applying and getting accepted.
Sh*t hit the fan when spring break came around and I went on a girls trip. I got super drunk one night and made a horrible decision to have a one night stand. Partly bc my 18 yo brain thought that I was already two steps down the wedding isle and I truly wanted to know if ‘spicy time’ was as un -climactic with other people. It was a horrible mistake that ended up destroying our relationship when I told him about the trip.
He was extremely mad ,understandably, but since he had arguably just moved to another city to go to college with me he made the decision to stay.
As you can imagine, it caused a lot of insecurity for him and it was hard to see the pain that I had caused him.
For a year and a half following that I repented immensely doing everything I could to show how much I cared for him. Montana was, again understandably, emotionally unavailable and couldn’t even look at me without distain.
I began to develop itchy sores all over my body from a chronic illness I have because of the stress and sorrow this entire situation led to. I still take a $6000 shot every three months to prevent itchy outbreaks. Obviously I dropped all my friends and did what I could to spend time with Montana as much as possible after, but with sores that made classmates sit in another row and a bf who couldn’t bare to look at me I became to be extremely depressed. Then my cat got ran over. That was my last straw.
A few months later Montana broke up with me and my entire world turned upside down. It resulted in a therapist, psychiatrist, and thankfully a rescue kitten.
I had just started to develop my own hobbies and actually taking care of myself when Montana ran into me at my place of work and ofc I said yes to hanging out the next 3 weeks or so until he asked me to be his girlfriend again.
Everything was perfect in our relationship. It felt just as it had before we graduated from Highschool with puppy love.
Ofc until I got that hey girlie text that asked about timelines because he had intercourse w her.
Immediately going through his phone I found disturbingly gross texts with his roommates about sexual escapades he had over the summer AND the month before being official.
Montana had s*x w me, s*x w a different girl, s*x w me, sex w a different girl, relationship with me.

I wouldn’t mind the fact he had intercourse with others when we weren’t together but it hurt my feelings that he would sandwich me in between them and say those disgusting things that were womanizing on text.
I asked for space but eventually forgave him because after-all I have made mistakes too.
Months have passed of dating and getting things to a new normal, but s*x hasn’t improved despite trying to communicate how to please me and I can’t help but to think about a guy I started seeing while me and Montana were broken up. It was the first time I have ever finished and it completely surprised me since I thought it wasn’t even possible.
My relationship with Montana is great despite this one thing but the reason I am coming to you all is because I am starting to be unsure.
You see, a few days ago I got absolutely blacked out and while my sweet boyfriend was trying to take care of me I apparently called him by the wrong name and tried to come onto him…
He said the name and it was a random name that I don’t know anyone with or met ( checked my socials the next day and no one w that name added me vise versa). So I virtually have no idea who I was calling him.
Montana is understandably upset but I am too because of my black out behavior (i will be handling my liquor from now on).
This has ultimately put me at a cross road because it feels like we are back to starting over in a bad spot.
I know I am young and dumb but I truly do care about Montana and want the best for him. I think I am in Love but my black out behavior makes me question what I really want.
So ig what I’m trying to say is, should I attempt to patch it up or is my subconscious wanting me to break up with my boyfriend of almost five years?

Thank you for taking the time to read and hopefully someone answers because I NEED HELP !