r/Culturestream

EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING AND REQUEST FOR MODS: I attempted posting this elsewhere, only to receive purposely triggering replies. We can't even post in women-centered subreddits. I know there is a bot problem but we all need to acknowledge the amount of IRL men that are agreeing with bad faith actors. Please be vigilant, I want to let other's know they aren't alone without fear. I know mods are working overtime and I appreciate the hard work they're doing to try to protect victims so we can continue to share our experiences.

In another post where I was vulnerable and opened up about some of the worst things that happened to me multiple times I was still attacked. I thought I was ok. But now the flashbacks and vivid nightmares about the harm inflicted on me, my ex-husband showing me texts and videos taken while multiple men raped me and used me in every way after I had been drugged and literally rented out via group texts. All while he called me a used up whore. I was in pain, bleeding, mentally tortured and dissociating. I would hide in my "safe space." Hiding in a locked bathroom, lying on the floor, watching the crack under the door so I could see shadows or hear him approaching.

I can’t take it. Knowing people are blaming the victim, seeing people laugh about it in real life, people acting like there's any gray area... It’s too much. I haven't been severely triggered to this extent in a long time. I feel like I'm back at square one sometimes.

The POTUS, a rapist admired by millions, is gleefully defending rapists and rape apologists. I know misogyny is rampant, but the mask off open disdain of women is disturbing me to my core.

I trust NO MEN except for my partner who has always called out and confronted men making sexist "jokes" and misogynistic comments, even when it lost him "friends." He's the ONLY man I know in real life that defends women without hesitation. It's the reason I felt ok starting a relationship with him.

I want to scratch off my skin. I cry until I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open. My heart physically hurts. Staying away from social media and the news doesn't help. I hear this shit even if I'm just grocery shopping. I don't feel safe leaving the house by myself.

Please let me know I'm not crazy or overreacting. Maybe I sound needy but I need connection with other people that understand.

Edit: I want to thank you all for your amazing replies. I don't feel as alone. Your words mean so much to me and are helping me get through the day.