r/DecenteringMen

I know the media we consume affects us a lot. We are what we consume. I had grown up to center romantic love because of the romance media I consumed. But now that I am aware of it, can I watch it without my subconscious being affected by it? Formerly, I had been trying to consume media centered around other things to alter my subconcious beliefs. But today I was just craving the idea of romantic affection and instead of trying to find it in my reality...I thought of quenching that thirst by consuming romance media. Is that an unhealthy method? Will it start making me seek romantic validation to feel whole again or is this a normal innocous way to give myself temporary gratification?

An important thing to note is that I am bisexual and can consume sapphic/wlw romantic media...yet I only feel the urge to consume heterosexual romance media.

I’ve reached a point in my life as a woman at the ripe age of 30 that I can only closely befriend women who are not male centered and have mentally deconstructed religion and patriarchy or are actively on their journey of deconstructing & de-centering. I’ve witnessed and experienced how men and man made systems take years off of women’s lives leaving us drained and powerless. I am proud to be a woman and know our creative power and abilities. For millennials, women have been stripped & stolen of their divinity and true nature only to appease and serve men, our own creation. I can’t get on board with women who spend most of their time chasing men and their validation. It’s heartbreaking to watch and I wish all women were awakened to who they are and their creative power to manifest whatever is their heart’s desire independent of a man. My ideal friend is ambitious and resilient. She’s self sustaining and manifests a better quality of life, not just a man. My ideal friend knows men will always be available and doesn’t spend her time waiting on one to show up or act right. She focuses on loving herself and building her concept of self. She isn’t attached to the belief that masculinity created everything from the beginning and femininity came later. She isn’t subscribed to women being subordinate or dominated but uplifted and empowered. My ideal friend is a reflection of me. She is me and I am her. The woman is divine in her own right. She brings life! She is the pedestal! She is the creative energy! She is the source of her own life! This friendship is rare but that’s what I desire to manifest. Men are easy to manifest, women are unique and complex in the best way so I’m intentional when it comes to my desire of my type of friendship. I know it doesn’t happen overnight but I’m determined to attract it, I’ve done the inner work and will continue. Asé!

Growing up in a country dominated by a very patriarchal culture and consuming media that all centered around a woman finding a man, I grew up thinking marriage was my dream in life. I never realized how much romance media shaped my subconcious desires and perspectives. Every disney movie, every rom-com, every kdrama, and literally every movie with a female protagonist I consumed had romance as a major plot line where a man would come save the day.

Naturally, I started believing that romantic love would fix all my issues and save me. Whenever I would be distraught, I would daydream of a man providing me comfort and healing my emotional wounds. Overtime, it became something I made my goal, something I couldn't imagine my future without. I romanticized the idea of marriages and proposals, dreaming of the day a man would fall for me enough to want to legalize our partnership. But now it feels like I have been thrust with the callous reality of marriage.

Marriage is a scam. It does not benefit women in anyway. The marriage customs and traditions of my culture in specific are even more toxic to women. I am shocked by the fact that I romanticized something that horrible.

I am currently in a healthy relationship with a man, and realizing this has been hard. I still feel hesitant to let go of my old fantasies of a man proposing to me and marrying me, but I know it is important to fully decenter it in my life. It feels isolating to realize this, because I don't have enough female communities in my life that have or at least try to decenter marriage and men.