r/DesiMarriageAdvice

​I am a 34-year-old married man. We have a 1-year-old daughter and a dog, living in a Tier-2 city. My wife works a corporate job in Mumbai while I run my own business in our home city. On paper, we have a great life, but behind closed doors, our marriage has completely collapsed.

​We previously tried an open relationship, which failed and was closed. Since then, I have repeatedly caught her cheating—with colleagues, friends, and clients. Despite endless promises to change, I recently caught her having affairs again.

​I am now at a point where I cannot trust a single word that comes out of her mouth, and my paranoia is constantly on high alert just to keep myself protected.

​The Core Issues Breakdown:

​Zero Trust & Paranoia: Living with her means being on guard 24/7. I have to double-check everything—her whereabouts, her stories, her finances. My suspicions are always confirmed. I can no longer open up to her, share my heart, or be vulnerable. I view her as someone who has completely gone rogue, and the sheer level of treachery has left me consumed by thoughts of resentment and revenge.

​Lack of Depth & Substance: Beyond the affairs, there is no real substance to her. She has no personal philosophy, no ambition, no depth, and no interest in meaningful conversations about life, dreams, or growth. Her entire identity revolves around superficial status—dressing provocatively, acting hoity-toity, demanding luxury trips, and seeking constant external validation from other men. Without a partner enabling this lifestyle, I don't see her accomplishing anything meaningful on her own.

​Financial Opacity: She earns well (around ₹2–3 Lakhs/month), but her money is completely hidden. I cover the mortgage, vehicles, domestic staff, and major expenses; she only pays for basic groceries and utilities. Her financial secrecy has been sketchy from day one.

​The Only Positive: She is genuinely an affectionate and invested mother to our 1-year-old daughter.

​What I Need Advice On:

​Is It Ever Worth Trying to Fix This? Deep down, I feel completely done. But from an outside perspective, is there any scenario where a marriage with zero trust, total deceit, and complete emotional detachment can or should be saved? Or am I just wasting precious years of my life?

​Impact on My Daughter: My biggest fear is how this affects my 1-year-old. Is it better for a child to grow up in a peaceful, single-parent home (where I take full responsibility for her), or does ending the marriage harm her more than raising her in a home filled with silent resentment, paranoia, and deceit?

​Handling the Exit Strategy: I want to get out cleanly, secure custody/guardianship of my daughter, protect my financial assets, and avoid getting sucked into emotional traps, guilt-tripping, or endless legal drama.

Women of Reddit—especially those who have seen this dynamic play out or gone through high-conflict separations—how do I navigate this cleanly and protect my daughter's future?

I (F24) think about leaving my partner (M25) everyday. We are in the middle of wedding preparations and the only thing stopping me is the fact that we are possibly going through a rough patch and that it will be better in the future.

He’s done so much good for me, and he was especially good to me in the beginning of our relationship. We have been together since June 2024, and at the end of 2024, he had failed his final exams for year 2 of Med school, and had to repeat the entire year. This was an especially difficult time for him and I did my best to support him during that time. And, because he was under so much pressure and stress, our relationship became strained quite a lot. During this time, we were still convincing our parents to accept our marriage (I am Pakistani and he’s Indian so it took a bit of convincing, particularly from his parent side because they were strict and my parents are very supportive of what I choose for myself) and this resulted in a couple more pressure on him to defend me to his parents. I wanted to be married in December of 2024 because I wanted to no longer be in a secret relationship, and he agreed. But because of his exams, things got delayed quite a lot. So 2025 was a time where our parents met for the first time, we did a desi engagement (families only) - one where I requested from my partner a separate proposal because it was something romantic I wanted for us (also because we had a fight the day before our desi engagement). So he had from August 2025 til December 2025 to propose. He ended up not being able to because of financial issues (he lives by himself in another state to his family). As such, I figured it was not really a good time to get married in December 2025.

I moved to make it December 2026 because I had made one request for a ring, and it made no sense for the wedding to come before the proposal. In February 2026, he took me ring shopping. It’s now August 2026 and a couple weeks ago, he sent me a screenshot of the order being complete of the ring that I had picked (basic 2ct lab grown diamond ring).

I feel like too much time has passed for this to happen. It’s now feeling like a shut up ring. And I’m also feeling resentment from a lot of arguments that have happened since his studies didn’t go as planned in 2024.

I think I’ve been resenting him a lot for everything that has happened. I once asked him to open up his TikTok dm’s and I noticed a dm to a gamer girl and a few likes on her posts. It was weird considering he has been upset with me before for having celebrity crushes. Ever since then I have never stopped thinking about how he could have been cheating on me while being upset about me having a celebrity crush on Charles Leclerc.

Am I wrong for being resentful?