Leaving my BJJ gym after almost 3.5 years. 3 weeks before receiving my blue belt , did I make the right choice?
I left my BJJ gym about 3 weeks before promotions, and honestly, I’m still kind of processing the whole thing. I was suppose to get my blue belt during this promotion ( confirmed ).
I had been there for almost 3.5 years. A lot of time, money, sweat, friendships, and memories went into that place. So leaving wasn’t an easy choice.
What really started everything was waking up one morning to a DM from the professor’s wife telling me that he had been unfaithful. That was a pretty crazy thing to wake up to.
More things started coming out…There were allegations about inappropriate conversations involving a minor, an incident involving what was described as an “accidental” slap to a female student’s butt, and constant comments and jokes that I personally found really inappropriate, including jokes about people’s religion, body shaming, and racist remarks. More than half the time people laugh or chuckle from feeling uncomfortable , no one finds it funny and he’s doing this in the middle of class. Asking a 15 year old boy in front of a class full of adults whether he’s seen a naked girl before or if he’s had sex already is just wrong and inappropriate.
I’m not saying I personally witnessed every allegation, so I’m not going to pretend I know every detail. I’m just explaining what I was told and what I saw happening around the gym, and why it eventually became too much for me.
Once the DM from the professors wife was confirmed received from multiple students at the academy and conversations were starting to happen …. Multiple students left, the kids’ coach left, and other coaches left. People who had been there for a long time were suddenly gone.
I WAS CHARGED A FREAKING EXIT FEE 😂 which I thought was comical …
Then promotions came around.I had been training for almost 3.5 years about 3x plus classes and open mat a week and was still a white belt.A student who had been training for around 6 months received his blue belt.What really made me question it was that this student had multiple kids enrolled at the academy. When we’d roll, I’d sub this guy minimum 2 times within a 5 minute round….My immediate thought was, *“Is there a financial reason this person is getting promoted?”*I’m not saying that’s definitely what happened because I obviously can’t prove that. But when you’re already questioning the leadership of the gym, it’s hard not to look at things like that differently.
I decided to attend the promotion that was set 3 weeks after my departure so I can support my former teammates. The whole promotion felt strange to me given everything that had been happening. With so many students and coaches leaving, it felt like a lifeline to keep people around and maybe reassure everyone that everything was still okay….
that’s just how it looked from my perspective.
The part that sucks is that I actually loved training there for a long time. I met some really good people. I had some great rounds. I learned a lot. There are people there who I genuinely care about and still consider friends.
That’s what makes this whole thing bittersweet.
I don’t regret the time I spent there. I just don’t think I could ignore everything that was happening and keep pretending I was comfortable with it.
I’ve started training at a new gym now, and honestly, it’s been refreshing. I can just show up, train, learn, and leave the drama at the door.
Everyone at the new gym always has a shocked face when I tell them I’m still a white belt after 3.5 years and that my skill set is definitely above a white belt. So it feels nice to have that reassurance .
I feel a little sad about the whole thing.
Almost 3 years is a long time to be somewhere, and walking away from something you’ve invested that much into isn’t easy.
So I guess I’m posting this because I need some confirmation from my fellow Reddittors 😂
Did I make the right choice by walking away?
Would love to hear what you guys think, especially anyone who’s been through something similar.