A bit about me, and pls help me figure out if I’m Sx2, Sx7, Sx3, Sp2, So2 or something else entirely
help lol
So uh, a bit about me,
I grew up as the ”gifted kid”, naturally conscientious and a high achieving perfectionist (carried onto my later adult years too), learned from an early age to associate success and achievement with self worth as many other high achieving students
struggled socially, not because I wasn’t social enough but it just seemed hard for me to get along with other kids, had a strong “my way” type personality yet didn’t wanna argue if there is another strong personality around so I’d just retreat.
Was an only child who was pampered and tended to, yet many of my needs remained unmet, especially my deeper emotional needs and how lonely I felt outside the house, how isolating it became. I learned to fixate on and almost romanticize the idea of a special someone “the perfect best friend” that would finally understand me and accept me for who I am. I didn’t end up finding them so I quickly adapted into repressing my identity and trying to adapt to others in order to feel more loved and accepted
Though I struggled making deep emotional bonds, I had no problem being popular, the “perfect” image I always presented and tried my very best to maintain coupled with my bubbly and enthusiastic personality got me a lot of attention anywhere that I was, good and bad. I was always very well known and respected for my achievements, manners and personality and I liked it that way. I fought with myself and my mental disorders to maintain it, the perfect look the flawless image I thought protected me from judgment and eventually rejection, since I had struggled with rejection a ton in younger years again since, no one wanted to befriend the enthusiastic and bossy me..
The same patterns continued through my teens, successful image, flawless exterior, lonely and isolated on the inside. I struggled even more making friends as a teen since the fixation grew stronger and the extent I would reject my own personality and try to adapt to others grew with it as a result. It was an awful time, my mental state quickly escalated as well, as I struggled with emotional regulation and anxiety, intense academic pressure due to my extremely high standards, and even more loneliness.
I still remember the time I stoped seeing myself as a high achiever, I tried doing some self discovery and reflection again, as I felt very empty inside, I resorted again to my fantasy of finding a special person, maybe they’d make all of this go away I thought
I have adhd so I don’t know how to explain the 7 part, I’m not the most impulsive ever but I’m obviously always bored and never saying no to a good time. I love keeping things light and fun and romanticize everything about my life, even struggled to face negative emotions in my teens as it felt like a threat to the happy bubbly personality that I thought defined who I was
I considered being a 2 because of my intense desire to be liked and accepted, my empathy and big ability to read and understand others, sometimes convincing myself I know what’s going on, even though I’m no mind reader, I take great pride in my emotional understanding of others, not so much of myself but that’s something we’re working on :’)
I was self sacrificing in terms of identity, but no so much in terms of trying to help others or better their lives, I was much more focused on the feeling of being loved, but hate being depended on, it makes me feel trapped or something. I attracted a lot of people who admired me and wanted to be my friends, though I had no interest in them and found their obsessive nature quite suffocating.. so that’s that
I’m still incredibly ambitious, though I have grown out of the societal expectations and started focusing on my own personal meaning of success. Some even think I’m delusional with how high I aim most of the time.
if I’m a heart triad core there’s definitely a 7 fix present , as i really struggle with negative emotions, expressing and accepting them, oh also I struggle with asking for help, as I always felt like I should be capable of handling it, despite my family being there for me and not making me really on myself in a lot of physical needs, I have no problem having others take care of me as a result, it’s emotional and mental health help I struggle to ask for, as somewhere in the back of my head a voice still tells me “others shouldn’t see you this way” and that I’ll be forever hated and resented for depending “so much” on others
If you made it this far thanks for reading my messy rant :) I’ll possibly edit it later to make it more coherent for you and if I remember anything <3