r/ExCons

Hey everyone. I woke up to a missed call from my nephew whose in county jail. I texted his brother who had heard from him last night. One of his kids was having a seizure. I looked at the county jail site and found him along with his wife. Looks like they were arrested when taking her to the hospital or maybe after, I don’t know.

I’m very upset and decided to call off work since I can’t focus at all. I found I can fund him and his wife money for food, should I do this? There’s no bail/bond yet, guessing the hearing probably won’t be until tomorrow.

Should I wait for him to call again before I do anything? Should I just send him money now? How much is a decent amount? I didn’t even know you had to pay for food and drinks. I don’t think he called anyone else, no one has heard from him.

Edit: Thanks everyone. I’m going to wait and see what’s going on. Cps called my sister to see if she could take the kids and they let my nephew call his brother to have the humane society pickup their dogs. Unfortunately that’s all they let my nephew say so we’re still in the dark. His brother said a couple rooms were “concerning”. So um yeah, I didn’t want to assume the worst but that might be the case. I feel sick, I was very close with him growing up and was excited to be closer to him again moving back home.

Anyway. Thanks again everyone.

State is Washington and it's a smaller rural jail not a big urban one. I got 24 consecutive hours.

So I (F21) was busted for a DUI, it was my 1st time getting in trouble and I blew a 0.12. I know I made a big mistake and that I likely do deserve jail time but at the same time I am very scared and would like to know what to expect. I know 1 day is nothing time wise but I am still afraid of being in danger.

I already did spend a few hours at that jail while being booked but as I was bailed out in like 4 hours I never entered the living unit, I was only it the booking cell. I am really scared and don't know what to expect and if I will be hurt since I am just a 21 year old middle class college studnet who is 5 feet 4 and 120 lbs so far from some big girl fighter.

1. Will I be bullied? Or in danger?
2. Does the 24h take into account the time it takes to book me and process me out?
3. Will I have to undress for a search (I only had a scanner upon arrest and had to change into orange jumpsuit in a private room).
4. Would it be possible to just not eat anything so I do not have to use the toilet in front of others?

[supprimé]

27f France, got 3 years, 18 months of them to be served in prison and the rest probated. I'm going to self-report in June (next month) to start my sentence. Luckily my phd will be on hold and not terminated though a felony conviction would impact my chances for a career in academia after. Rn I'm thinking of focusing on education/work inside prison so at least my brain/body won't go dull and get out with new skills.

I need help. And I need advice fast because I’m going through it. I feel lost, and need help and advice. How have others handled the aftermath effects and the psychological impact?

I am offering to pay restitution upfront and in full. Will this help with possible probation only?

Someone who serves 25 years for murder and then becomes eligible for parole is often stepping into a society that feels almost alien compared to the one they left. The psychological shock can be enormous — not just because of freedom itself, but because the entire operating system of daily life has changed.
A person who went into prison in 2001 and came out in 2026 would have missed:
smartphones
social media
streaming
GPS navigation
online banking becoming dominant
app-based work and services
modern dating culture
changes in language, politics, fashion, and social norms
AI becoming mainstream
And prison intentionally isolates people from many of those changes.
The first shock: ordinary life becomes complicated
Things most people do automatically can become overwhelming:
ordering food
using a touchscreen kiosk
scanning QR codes
tapping a debit card
using two-factor authentication
understanding ride-share apps
dealing with online forms instead of humans
Imagine never using:
an iPhone
Google Maps
FaceTime
Uber
TikTok
online dating apps
Then suddenly being expected to function independently with all of them immediately.
Some former prisoners describe release as feeling less like “freedom” and more like being dropped into a foreign country without speaking the language.
Technology shock
Technology may be the biggest adjustment.
Someone incarcerated long-term often remembers:
flip phones or landlines
DVDs/CDs
paper maps
desktop computers being optional
Now nearly everything assumes:
constant internet access
digital literacy
passwords
apps
email
texting etiquette
Even basic employment can become difficult because applications are online-only.
A former prisoner may struggle with:
setting up a smartphone
avoiding scams
understanding social media behavior
privacy issues
managing information overload
Some parole and reentry programs literally teach:
how to use a smartphone
how to search the internet
how to send email
how to use public transit apps
online banking safety
Because those are now survival skills.
Dating after 25 years
Dating can be one of the hardest parts emotionally.
A person entering prison before widespread internet culture may come out into:
dating apps
texting-based relationships
social media “status”
hookup culture
much different gender expectations
entirely different communication norms
Someone who dated in the late 1990s or early 2000s might remember:
calling someone’s house phone
meeting through friends or work
slower relationship pacing
less digital performance
Now:
people assess each other online first
communication is constant
ghosting is common
relationships can begin and end entirely through apps
people maintain huge digital social networks
For someone who’s been institutionalized, this can feel emotionally chaotic and impersonal.
There’s also the stigma:
many people are afraid to date someone convicted of murder
explaining the conviction is emotionally difficult
trust becomes a major issue
And then there’s age itself. Someone paroled after 25 years may be middle-aged or older, trying to rebuild romantic confidence after decades without normal intimacy or social development.
Emotional and psychological adjustment
Long-term incarceration changes people psychologically.
Many become highly structured because prison is structured:
wake-up times
meal times
movement rules
constant surveillance
Outside prison, freedom can actually create anxiety:
too many choices
unstructured time
crowds
noise
social expectations
Some experience:
hypervigilance
emotional numbing
institutional dependency
loneliness
shame
difficulty trusting people.

Does anyone have lived experience of what this feels like? Can you share your experiences and coping mechanisms? Thanks

Is Ashland federal prison low a sex offender yard or a check in place I’ve jus got my letter to turn myself in
That’s what I keep seeing
That’s it’s soft and real laid back but there’s a lot of sex offenders there

How is it there ?
How do they do rec is the yard open all day ?

I’ve heard they have tennis courts and pool tables ?

If you have been there or no someone who has let me know

What do I do?

This might be a little long.

I’m in a predicament and could really use some outside advice.

My partner is currently incarcerated. While inside, he’s made a few friendships. One particular guy he became close with because they are from the same area and close in age, so they clicked pretty quickly.

Over time, this guy kept asking my partner if I had any single friends. My partner knows me well enough to know I would never drag one of my friends into something involving someone I don’t know. So this is where I made my first mistake. I told my partner I would help the guy create a penpal listing instead.

I’m naturally a kind and easy person to talk to, and I think this guy started viewing our conversations as more personal than they actually were. Every conversation I had with him was about helping with the listing or general conversation. I never flirted, never crossed boundaries, and constantly talked positively about my partner and our relationship.

Then he started slipping in comments about my exercising, my body, and what he “looks for” in women physically and sexually. It immediately made me uncomfortable. I told my partner I was no longer going to continue writing him because I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t elaborate and moved on.

Last week at visitation, this guy and his mother were there too. I didn’t speak to him or even make eye contact. I briefly spoke to his mother while he and my partner talked, and everything seemed perfectly normal between them.

Then I received an email from him that honestly made me furious.

In the email, he claimed my partner was “acting weird” and suggested he was jealous because I had been writing him. Mind you, my partner knew every single time I emailed him and what was said. Nothing was hidden.

The email then shifted into him subtly criticizing my partner while portraying himself as the better man. He also made comments like he’s “not hitting on me,” but that I’m a beautiful woman who deserves to be treated like a queen. The entire thing felt manipulative and like an attempt to create a wedge between me and my partner.

Now here’s my predicament.

Part of me wants to absolutely tear into him and call out exactly what he was trying to do. Another part of me feels like responding emotionally could create problems for my partner inside, and I don’t want that.

I also understand prison is an emotionally difficult environment. Loneliness, jealousy, depression, and attachment issues are probably common. But at the same time, I feel like my kindness got completely twisted.

I haven’t told my partner about this email because I genuinely do not want to create unnecessary tension or problems for him.

So what would you do? Ignore it? Respond politely but firmly? Tell my partner everything? I’m honestly torn.

I turn 18 this year and I’m at a breaking point where I need to change everything. I come from a Southeast Asian refugee background. I started in a “silver spoon” lifestyle, but it all collapsed when my dad became extremely abusive. He would beat me so badly I couldn’t stand straight or think clearly. I watched him strangle and assault my mom. He passed away when I was 8, leaving us buried in gambling debt and loans. My mother's a bit of a fuck up on the mental side of things and was really suicidal too. We were desperate for money, it wasn't easy having to starve for weeks. So at the age I should've stayed home discussing games with my friends I turned to the streets, dealing, extorting, and opportunistically chasing cash, power, and respect wherever I could. It was petty. It was grim. It took a really big toll on my mental health as time passed because it usually ended up in me, being the younger one getting exploited and abused by the older guys in these societies. I was deluded and felt like I had "brothers" and a "family" that I never had. People I could call the second someone tried picking on me. People I could call the second someone owed me money. I was ignorant and happy with everything because I was bringing home 150-200USD almost every 2 weeks, on some days every week.

Endless cigarettes, alcohol, slowly coke, pills and finnally heroin. Violence and addiction had become my cycle. It felt like easy money at first, but it completely backfired. I got hit with serious charges, spent time in and out of juvenile detention, and financially destroyed us even worse than before. My family didn't hesitate to drop me, including my mom. I’ve lost those bonds. I was brought up in a tightly knit orthodox buddhist household. When I started getting picked up often by the police it became apparent to me I'd never live a normal life I see other kids my age live. Go to school, get good grades. Everything.

I’ve been in and out multiple times, but there comes a point where you’re just done. I’m now recovering from drug addiction, dealing with crippling mental health issues, and trying to rebuild from nothing at 17. I’m exhausted and regretful, but I’m serious about reforming because it's either I change or die. I want sobriety, stability, and a life that doesn’t destroy everything I touch. If anyone here has come from similar trauma, refugee family struggles, juvenile time, or heavy drug/street involvement, they'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

So this is for the overtly ambiguous refugee teens who get shoved around and are living or lived a life similar to mine, especially in the earlier phases. Stay off the streets. Stay off the drugs. You're not tasked with bringing money to the household. You're just a kid. Focus on school and your college, collegues and friends. Don't touch needles, baggies or pills.