u/Anonymous_Cat55

Hey everyone. I just need to get something off my chest and hopefully hear some thoughtful opinions from people outside the situation.

My buddy and I have been best friends for over 15 years. Him and his wife have become more than just “friends” to me — they’re family. He’s like my brother, and she’s like a sister-in-law to me.

We hang out regularly, and about a month ago I went over to their place to relax and unwind. My wife stayed home that night.

We were hanging out in the garage — me, my friend, his wife, and his sister. We were talking about life, relationships, how things have been going lately, and eventually my buddy passed out in a chair with a drink in his hand like he sometimes does.

At one point, the conversation shifted toward relationships, and his wife opened up to me about something I never knew.

She told me that before they got married, he cheated on her with one of his friends ex. She said she didn’t find out until after they were already married, and she admitted that if she had known beforehand, she never would’ve gone through with the marriage.

She cried while talking about it. His sister already knew about it too.

I tried to comfort her and told her that I know he loves her deeply, but that he also has a lot of unresolved issues he needs to work through.

It was honestly a surreal moment because he was sitting right there asleep while she was telling me all of this.

She asked me if I had known about it, or if he had ever told me, and truthfully he never said a word. Looking back, I think he probably knew me well enough to know I would’ve been disappointed in him. My mom cheated on my dad when I was younger, and he knows that stuff hits a nerve with me. He also knows I’m the kind of person who would’ve pushed him to be honest with his wife.

The hard part is… I’m not shocked.

When they were younger, early in their relationship, there were multiple situations where he fooled around or cheated. She would find out, they’d break up, and eventually get back together. Back then they were immature teenagers and I always tried to help calm things down and support both of them.

But this wasn’t teenage stupidity anymore.

This happened after they had a house together, after marriage, after she had just given birth to their second child. That’s real betrayal.

And honestly, it frustrates me that I’m not surprised because it means some of those old patterns never really died.

For context, he has a lot of abandonment issues, self-worth issues, struggles with self-control, and longstanding problems with alcohol. About a year and a half ago he got a DUI, and that seriously impacted their relationship too.

I feel terrible for her because she is genuinely an incredible woman — loyal, hardworking, a great mother, and just a really good person. She deserves far better than the pain she’s had to carry.

At the same time, I love him too. He’s my brother in every way except blood. Watching two people you deeply care about slowly fracture is heartbreaking.

Since then, life has carried on. They had another child, and lately there have been more conversations about his mental health and overall wellbeing. I’ve talked to him privately, and we’ve all had conversations together as a group.

But at the end of the day, if someone doesn’t genuinely want to change, there’s only so much anyone else can do.

The part I’m struggling with now is this:

When she told me all of this, she specifically asked me not to bring it up to him. The cheating happened around six years ago, and she only found out about it about two years ago. Because of that, part of me feels like it isn’t really my place to reopen that wound.

But another part of me wants to grab him by the shoulders and say:

“What the hell are you doing, man? You have an incredible wife, beautiful kids, a home, stability, people who love you… don’t throw your life away.”

The drinking issues and some unhealthy behaviours are still there, and I can tell she’s still deeply hurt by all of it. Seeing her cry really stuck with me because she’s not someone who cries easily.

I’m trying to respect their marriage and not interfere where I shouldn’t, but it’s hard to stand by and watch people you love struggle like this.

I love their whole family, and that’s exactly why this hurts so much.

Title: My friend passed out drunk… then his wife told me everything

Hey everyone. Honestly I just need to vent a bit and maybe hear some outside opinions because this has been sitting weird with me for a while now.

My best friend and I have been friends for over 15 years. Him and his wife are more than just friends to me at this point, they’re basically family. He’s like my brother and she’s like a sister in law to me.

About a month ago I went over to their place just to hangout and unwind for the night. My wife stayed home. We were all sitting in the garage talking, having a few drinks, me, my buddy, his wife, and his sister. Pretty normal night honestly.

Eventually my friend passed out in the chair holding a drink like he sometimes does. Me and his wife kept talking and somehow the conversation shifted into relationships and life stuff and then she told me something I didn’t know.

She told me that years ago, before they got married, he cheated on her with one of his ex’s friends. She said she didn’t even find out until after they were married and that if she knew before the wedding she wouldn’t have married him.

And she cried talking about it. Which honestly hit me because she’s a strong woman, not somebody who cries easily.

His sister already knew about it too apparently.

It was such a weird moment because he was literally sitting right there asleep while all this was being said.

She asked if I knew and I honestly didn’t. He never told me. Looking back though I think I understand why. He knows how I feel about cheating because my mom cheated on my dad when I was younger and he probably knew I would’ve been disappointed in him and pushed him to tell her the truth.

The shitty part is I wasn’t really surprised.

When they were younger there were multiple times where he fooled around or cheated and they’d breakup and get back together. Back then they were teenagers and honestly a mess together at times and I spent alot of time trying to calm things down between them.

But this one was different.

This happened after marriage, after buying a house together, after she had just had their second kid. That’s not “young and dumb” anymore.

And honestly it frustrates me that I wasn’t shocked because it means deep down I know some of those patterns never actually went away.

For context, he’s struggled with alcohol for years, self worth stuff, abandonment issues, impulsive behaviour, all that kind of thing. He got a DUI about a year and a half ago and that seriously affected their relationship too.

I genuinely feel terrible for her because she is honestly an incredible person. Loyal, hardworking, amazing mom, just a really good woman. She deserves way better than some of the stuff she’s had to carry emotionally.

At the same time though I love him too. He’s my best friend and more like a brother than a friend honestly. So watching this unfold over the years sucks because I care about both of them deeply.

They’ve stayed together and had another child since then and lately there’s been more conversations around his mental health and drinking and just where he’s at in life. I’ve talked to him privately before and we’ve all talked together too.

But at the end of the day if somebody doesn’t genuinely want to change then there’s only so much other people can do.

What’s messing with me is this part:

When she told me all this she specifically asked me not to bring it up to him. The cheating happened like 6 years ago and she found out around 2 years ago, so part of me feels like it’s not really my place to reopen everything.

But another part of me wants to grab him and say dude what the hell are you doing? You have an amazing wife, beautiful kids, a home, stability, people who love you… stop sabotaging your own life.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m too emotionally involved because I care about all of them alot. I just hate watching good people hurt each other and feeling powerless to do anything about it.

I’ve been watching porn for about 20 years. Fortunately, I never really drifted into anything extreme, and I’d consider myself pretty vanilla overall. I don’t really have any specific kinks or fetishes.

I’ve also been with my partner for over 13 years, and I’ve always been open about porn use within our relationship. For me, it’s mostly tied to masturbation, but if given the choice, I would rather have sex with my partner.

My libido has always been very high. I could masturbate multiple times a day and still want sex without issue. My partner, on the other hand, has a much lower libido than I do. She enjoys sex and is happy in our relationship, but we simply aren’t on the same frequency when it comes to how often we desire it.

Because of that mismatch, porn has become somewhat routine in my life. I think my wife largely accepts it because it prevents me from constantly bothering her for sex, but at the same time, I don’t actually like that porn has become such a normalized part of my routine. I’d prefer if my sexuality was more connected to my relationship.

At the same time, I wouldn’t describe it as an addiction. It doesn’t negatively impact my work, relationships, or daily functioning. If I’m busy, traveling, or focused on other things, I can go without it and don’t feel distressed. It’s more that it has become habitual and convenient.

I also genuinely love women and find female beauty deeply attractive across many different body types, appearances, and backgrounds. I enjoy femininity and physical beauty in general, which is part of why porn appeals to me.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for by writing this. Maybe perspective, maybe people who relate, or maybe just a space to think out loud about it honestly.

I need help. And I need advice fast because I’m going through it. I feel lost, and need help and advice. How have others handled the aftermath effects and the psychological impact?