oooo guess who's the lovey dummy of the year-ee?? *points to herself*
^(For the record: yes I) ^(did) ^(try to make the title rhyme despite the fact that the word "year"...does not..rhyme with the rest of the title.......k moving alooong~)
this past week has been..a slow burn of a train wreck for me emotionally, which ngl I didn't expect cause it..yaknow, hit me like a train wreck..
Annyways, recently I had been trying out different relationships on the more casual end (and to adhere with the rules of this subreddit all I can say was that the origins of most of these relationships did not begin as sfw. I'll leave it at that but hopefully that's okay for me to type here).
A week ago though, I met an amazing guy after he reached out to me online. Even tho we were on opposite sides of the country, we were both pleasantly surprised at how well we related to each other. He got me to laugh in ways I didn't think I could, we enjoyed the same type of manga, and not only did I see him as a really good friend, but he felt...sincere. Genuine. Like someone that I felt would truly care for me.
We sent lil voice notes to each other, told each other about life goals, chatted with each other and just like didn't wanna stop talking either, and had a very fun and lighthearted call that left me feeling really glad that I found him.
Buut not only did time prove me wrong, but in the heat of the moment one night, we said some really, really emotional stuff. While the relationship was short, it was also really intense (maaybe outta nowhere??). Like we would spill lovey dovey stuff that a couple would say, even tho we weren't. Even some really cheesy stuff, and (dare I say) a few l-bombs thanks to a literal mistranslation that I didn't clarify in time, because I thought I had a little bit more time with him.
For the unfortunate best, he made the decision that we should stop what we had, because while we were both grateful that we had a chance to meet each other, we kinda both knew deep down that it wouldn't work, even tho I pleaded with him to hear me out because I didn't want to stop talking to him. There was a whole other messy side I wanted to work out with him, but I think if I did try to explain any further, I was probably gonna end up hurting him even more.
All in all, I don't blame him for what he did with ending what we had, but by god..as a girl who has both never dated AND has never done literally anything with like an actual relationship before..it did feel nice to have a lil bit of a taste of what love could be like. Like a lil itty-bitty teeny-tiny sliver of a slice of a pie.
Its so weird for me, because for YEARS I thought that I didn't even crave love. And yet...after knowing him, I can't deny: it felt nice to imagine someone that I could cuddle with, someone who could cherish me, confide in me their worries, and just...it felt really nice man...
Part of me is like "Hey, at least you got to know what love could be like!". That said, I also keep telling myself "Great, out of aaaaall the short platonic relationships I've had in my life, I just haaad to experience a fraction of love in this one...with the one that was doomed from the start"
Confusing stuff. fun :/