r/HighConflictCoparents

In the middle of getting a long term protective order; ex abused my children which resulted in several ocs reports from me and each kid’s (3) therapists. Everything between us has become increasingly more high conflict, it wasn’t great to begin with. There were a lot of issues with how the kids were treated during his care. If I didn’t agree or wasn’t doing what he wanted it would immediately become a personal attack against me. Now he’s trying to stretch every single interaction with our kids to try and “prove” that I’m coaching them even though he told me about the abuse. One therapist told him that he didn’t feel that that was the case at all when it came to my son. I would directly confront his accusations with the facts of the situation but I just started ignoring him unless it was directly about the kids. Example: I texted him about our son popping a loose tooth out and my daughter running into a doorknob. I was immediately “not even watching the kids” , neglectful, etc. I said that I was watching them, I was standing there watching her when she did it and they were just asked to not run in the house. And the dentist already said the tooth was already on its way out, my son doing that when he went to bed isn’t in my control. Every situation has been turned into something like this. That the kids are “acting weird” and don’t want to talk after interacting with me, that my oldest “sounds scared to say he misses them” when it’s quite literally him calling when they are playing games or we are about to do something. They are being normal busy kids, he also wants a call after dinner when it’s everyone’s wind down time. When I researched it, it said to keep neutral, have boundaries, only provide what I need to about the kids. To not even respond to his perceived allegations. Part of me wants to correct him so there’s proof of it even though I know it’s just his bid to cause more drama and issues. Do these claims actually go anywhere? Especially with ocs , after he’s already had several claims against him and we are still in open cases. It was never a problem before but now that something was started against him, I’m now the worst mother and I’m just turning the kids against him. When I honestly just want to help my kids through it and keep them out of everything. He tells my oldest that “I’m trying to take them away from him” and lies about events in the past. That even I abused him?? He comes back so conflicted and I understand why.

What can I do to help my kids further? How do I respond to these allegations he makes about me or how he perceives the kids? Would ocs actually give him the time of day when it’s clearly retaliation?

To start of with- yes I’ve gone to therapy, I’ve done a lot of internal work and I’ve come a very long way.

I have an ex, co-parent who is very high conflict about everything. I’ve been traumatized by him in the past and when we first broke up he would send me in a downwards spiral.

Now days, I’m fine and usually the conflict only bothers me at the time and then I’m quickly over it. But the anxiety that pours over me when I see a text from him - even if it doesn’t last long- is something I can’t seem to shake off. What I do that seems to help is turn off his message notifications. But is there anything that has helped you? Wondering what has helped others.

We have been dealing with numerous false allegations of abuse towards the children, as well as drug and alcohol abuse. Over the past year we have had child protective services and police at our home, checking our home, drug testing us, interviewing us and the children numerous times. Everything unsubstantiated and/or labeled false in the reports, we’ve passed the drug tests. Child services caseworker won’t even talk to coparent anymore because of coparent’s constant reports and rude aggressive behavior.

Here’s my questions:

As angry as I am, and as hard as it is to even see this as an option, has anyone ever been through this and reached a point of being able to repair their Coparenting relationship? I just hate that it is this way for our children and would like to see peace eventually even though I’m furious at the damage they’ve done to the children, to us, our reputations and lives.

Second, has anyone ever been through this and had the person making false reports face repercussions for false reporting? I’d like to put a stop to this for good. This should be illegal. I was working on getting a job at my children’s school and when you have reports against you, that affects that. At this point, I’ve given up my wish to work at the school because I expect they’ll make more reports, which devastates me. They’re trying to get more custody time and shared legal, right now, I’m the primary parent. Given the circumstances and their questioning and trying to force our children to make false reports as well, they should not be awarded this at all.

Please tell me there’s something I can do here?