r/ISTJ

For context, i went through an incident recently, which broke my trust in a friend, and yeah for a few days I was down, also made a post here, thanks to everyone who commented and consoled me.

The thing is, i got to know about this from someone else, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not gonna confront my friend about it, and will slowly maintain a distance, neither I am gonna do some sort of revenge, meaning, no rudeness against them or something, i will just not entertain them as much, and not invest my emotions and time towards them.

This has been how I have lived my life till now, whenever I am wronged by someone, I just cannot confront them, thinking about getting revenge or doing wrong to them is out of this world to me. My friends/most people I talk to, never support this idea of mine, they want me to confront them, take some revenge, give them back. But i just can't do it, i am scared of all the chaos, all the shouting, all the negativity it's gonna generate. I am happy, letting things be, not addressing them, but this also comes as weakness or like i have come to terms with it, and the stuff they did does not affect me, but it definitely does, I get hurt, I feel like crying, i feel like shouting my heart out, but not at them.

I recall a few instances, in my childhood, in recent life, where i confronted, where I was right, and either it lead to a heated argument, or the other person did not get cared about me, and that hurted even more, so now I only have this one response to situations like this, which i sometimes think is not right...

I don't exactly know, if I am seeking advice about this, or just wanna know how you all respond in such situations, just felt to write about it and share, with people, who might understand.

TLDR :

I was hurt by a friend, but instead of confronting or taking revenge, I’ve decided to quietly distance myself.

I avoid confrontation because past experiences showed me it often leads to more hurt and negativity.

I know this may seem like weakness or avoidance, but I genuinely don’t want revenge or conflict.

I’m an INFJ who’s in a loving relationship with an ISTJ. How are you ISTJ’s going along with INFJ’s and do you guys have some relationship dynamics you guys like to share?
How do you guys find INFJ’s in general too.

Do any other ISTJs really struggle with asking for help especially in your closest relationships? I feel like it comes from not wanting to be a burden or inconvenience them since I myself hate to be inconvenienced. Also when people offer their help sometimes I struggle to see the sense in it because the way they have chosen to help me isn't the most optimal way they could manage/prioritize the way that they are helping me.

There is also a fear of a loss of control. I can't control how other people react, but maybe I try to more than I realize. If I ask for help there is a possibility the person I love could grow to resent my needs.

I had told my bf I also want to consider him when he offered to help me with something and going out of his way for me, but he said something to the effect of giving him the joy of getting to do something for me. That really made me realize how he sees things totally different than I do, and that I need to be better at receiving love. Relationships go both ways, I can't just be the only giver, I have to be vulnerable enough to allow myself be given to. he's ESFP, btw.

Hey everyone! I'm currently doing a research proposal about personality theory and would love to hear from the people in this community. What is it like being your personality type? It can range from your work/school life balance, romantic life, everyday decision making, and maybe something nobody really thinks about when it comes to your type that you may know. Anything is both helpful and interesting to me so don't be shy! :)

Anyone else finding it ironic how obtuse and brainnumbingly rigid others' understanding of ISTJs is?

I'm not bothered by the uninitiated/beginner tier. I'm talking about supposedly seasoned multi-nuanced gurus of the intuitive-kind.

I like to choose things for myself, and I take pride in my own decision-making. If I make mistakes, then I’ll know what NOT to do in the future, but I can be at peace knowing I didn’t make those decisions to please anyone.

When people give me unsolicited advice, I feel like this process is disrupted, and it annoys me. It bothers me even more when the unsolicited advice is something I’ve already considered or done.

That said, I admit that sometimes the unsolicited advice is valid, and I’ll begrudgingly accept at least part of it.

I created a group in telegram for people interested in personal development and open-minded, based on a post where people were already looking for friendships.

Hi everyone, I'm looking for people interested in joining an international group chat with shared interests and goals.

I'd like to create an environment free from toxicity or envy - a harmonious space where everyone is interested in personal growth and perhaps even supports each other. This is a major interest of mine (psychology, personal development, spirituality) and basically a hobby - well, one of many (horseback riding, macrame, hiking, reading...). It would be great to have people with whom I can exchange ideas and thoughts, talk about mindset, self-love, and the positive things in life, or simply offer support when someone is having a bad day 😊

Everyone 25 and older is welcome! If you feel very mature, younger is fine too. I'm 31 myself, but in real life I have friends in their 50s and 60s. If we keep the age range open, we can all learn from each other ☝🏼

Feel free to send me a DM if you're interested, and let's shine and grow together! 💫

(Oh yeah... and your MBTI score doesn't matter here.)

Curious because that’s not a traditional dynamic and I heard ISTJs are more traditional when it comes to relationships.

It takes a lot of years and effort to build trust with a person. I went outside my comfort zone, showed my actual feelings and emotions (you all know how difficult it is), became an open book, my mistake? I expected the same from the other person.

I don't feel anger, maybe not sadness too, it's confusion, I am not able to process my feelings. I don't blame them, I am blaming myself for being so dumb, not understanding the signals, not being critical.

It's ruined, now I am always gonna be paranoid, not sure if i will be able to show this level of trust in a stranger further in my life.

I am always gonna be scared.

And this wasn't even a romantic relationship, it was friendship, which I thought was too close, turns out, it wasn't from the other end.

And ykw I still wish the other person the best, I don't have any hate for them. And this is what causes the confusion of how to process this. If i have anger and resentment, it's towards myself, for being so delusional, and so understanding.

(Edit) This is the 3rd set of lines I wrote. Going silent, processing emotions is too real. I am just doing my work, and i don't wanna do anything else, talk to anyone or anything. I wrote about it 2 times earlier, it helped, was personal and full of context so did not post. Posted this, because I just wanted to let it out, probably to someone who might understand.

Greetings INTJs.

Brief background:
I'm (32M) an INTJ and have generally been in relationships with NF types all my life, except one NT. I generally have long term relationships and never have dated casually or had one night stands.

Whilst those relationships always on the emotional side were fantastic, when it came to ambitions and goals, I was always being held back by my partners and asked to devote less time to my career and more time to them - I would always strike a balance that kept both of us happy.

I have recently started formed a relationship with an ISTJ (28F). Firstly, it seems we are so similar in so many ways which was a surprise. She is strong willed, ambitious, organised, and intelligent which I admire, but she's also got a strong feminine side, a caring nature, and very devoted.

The one issue which we are both aware is that she is not emotionally expressive at all. She had toxic relationships in the past, but I think it is more about her personality than her past. This inability to communicate her feelings has sometimes led to misunderstandings between us.

It's something I am learning to understand better and to encourage her, give her the safety, to be more open, but it will take time I know that. It's not that I need to hear her gushing emotionally about how much she appreciates me, I truly see that with her actions, it is more that when times she is upset, or rocked, she may tell me (or not) that she is hurting/upset but will then shut me out or minimise it. This is a bit pull-push on me.

I want to ask if anyone has been in a relationship with an ISTJ and how that was for you?

I don't typically judge a partner by MBTI - I use the understanding to help be a more understanding partner. I think with 8 billion people there are enough variations and variables you can experience that MBTI is not one size fits all.

I say that because there seems to be quite mixed views on this 'pairing'. For some it is everything they've wanted, for others it is avoid like the plague. For me, till now, it has been the former. Communication can be worked on. Everything else is great.

Appreciate your insights !

My sister is an ISTJ and her birthday is coming up soon. I just thought I'd ask for some birthday present ideas here. I've wanted to do something with flamingos because she said that's here favorite animal. I can't think of anything to get here flamingo themed. Can you all help? Doesn't have to be that either. What do ISTJs like?

-INFP

So I know this guy who is istj, we come from same class since 7th grade (in my country we don't change classes so we were together in one class for 5 years) and at first we got close on 9th grade and shared interests but then he started buying me things that corelated with my interests and we always used to play sports during PE with all our classmates but one day I decided that today I wasn't gonna play and he stood beside bench that I was sitting on, it was empty only I was sitting but he didn't sat he just stood there and asked me if I was okay than he bought me food from cafeteria, and during our regular walks home as we talked about gym and stuff and when we had to part our ways instead of our usual handshake he hugged me for a bit longer than you'd normally hug someone, then 12th grade started and we are as usual but on every break somehow he's always there talking to me about something and always touching my hands, we got assigned seats together for English project teacher said she is pairing people who are already pretty close friends so we ended up sitting together and he said I have beautiful hands and he reached to hold it and during prom literally everywhere I went he was there and he had to leave early and before he would go he held my hand and made a long eye contact like this ain't even feeling real ATP💀🙏we finished school but we didn't loose contact we text each other pretty often and hand out sometimes, he told me that next hang out will be quite different but I really don't know how to react (I do like him alot but I'm very very bad at articulating my emotions correct to the situations and I'm afraid I might f up) and I don't know what to say or do cuz I'm really anxious can y'all give me advice on how could I potentially handle this