Refusing to allow my husband’s granddad around my baby
I 28f am pregnant with my husband 28m and I’s first baby. We’ve known for awhile (I am about 20weeks) but just reached out to extended family to share the news. It is somewhat important to know that I am Black and my husband is White. Of course just about everybody took the news well and are really excited about the new baby. This will be the first grandbaby on my husbands side and I am the last sibling in my family to have a baby so they’re all very excited and surprised.
On to the issue. The people on my husbands side of the family have all been very accepting towards me, which of course is something you look at when dating/marrying outside of your race. Everyone has been kind, and open, and shown up for us in more ways than we can count. With the exception of his granddad 83m. He in general is just a nasty old man but is particularly cold towards me. My husband and I have been together for four years before getting married and in the first two years he wouldn’t even speak to me outside of saying hello. One time while playing a card game with the family, I miscounted and he said “I thought you were a school teacher, and you can’t count”. It was taken as a joke but honestly if you have barely spoken to me in the 5 years that I’ve been in this family and that’s the one thing you say, it sits more as an insult then fun banter. So, when he’s around I don’t assert myself and just let him be.
Last night we called his grandparents to share the news. His grandmother picked up the phone (FaceTime) she was sitting in the dining room. His granddad was sitting in the living room, which is connected to dining room. He was in earshot of the conversation, and had even asked who she was speaking too, which she told him it was us. We shared the news and she was thrilled and excited to learn about the baby and of course congratulated us. We asked if she could give the phone to his granddad and all you hear was a very stern and aggressive “NO” and then the phone hangs up. Idk. It really made me feel some type of way. My husband is making the excuse that he’s older and not in good health. But honestly regardless of me, he could have at least said congratulations to his own grandson.
So I told my husband that, I am tired of his behavior and if that’s how he’s going to act he CANNOT hold or be around our children. They’ve tolerated his rudeness for so long and chopped it up to “that’s just how he is”. For me it’s not acceptable and I have no allegiance to him to continue to give him grace in these types of situations. If he wants to be nasty and bitter, he can be nasty and bitter on his own. Why would I keep subjecting myself and now my child to that. It’s toxic and abusive. My husband thinks I’m overreacting and that he’s old and will probably die soon, and I should just keep the peace because not allowing him to hold our kid will start drama.
Also it’s important to note that I understand that people have boundaries and if they don’t want to speak on the phone they don’t have to. I also understand that not everyone is going to be excited about our news. He pretty much acted the same way when we shared that we were getting married. He said a short congratulations and hung up the phone. But it’s just heartbreaking to see the lack of care that he gives to my husband and him just accepting it over and over again. So would I be wrong for keeping my child from him?
TLDR: My husbands grandfather is a bitter old man and maybe even a racists. I don’t want him around my child am I wrong for wanting to stay away?