Conflicted About Apostates
During the last few years, I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with apostates, especially after I started lurking around their online communities a few months ago. Honestly, I feel conflicted.
If you judge apostates ONLY by their online activity, you’d probably conclude the GB’s description of apostates is fairly accurate: angry, bitter people who twist the GB’s words and spread unfounded or exaggerated claims about the organization. But the reality is much more nuanced than that.
Apostates are NOT a monolith. It’s true that the more vocal members of their community often fit the stereotype the Watchtower has promoted about them, but not all of them are the deranged enemies we’ve been led to believe they are.
A lot of them have actually been victims of abuse, often at the hands of their overzealous JW parents. Many times, the elders and the rest of the congregation failed to provide care and support when it mattered most. Other times, they were victims of real injustice at the hands of their brothers and sisters. Many of them struggle with mental health conditions, and the congregation simply was not patient or understanding enough. They are not all bitter and angry for no reason. They are hurting, and if we are honest, many times their congregations failed them.
An awful lot of them needed a hug that never came. They needed that one friend they never found in their congregation. They needed better parents. They needed the brotherly love JWs pride themselves on.
It’s easy to be captured by apostasy when you feel like that. It’s easy to become radicalized against the community you see as the source of your pain and suffering. At that point, you become vulnerable to believing anything that validates your feelings. You stop questioning apostate claims. You may even embrace conspiracy theories. The virtual “interest” their community shows you can feel more real than any actual hug you ever received in the congregation. You don’t always become an apostate because you are proud and choose to oppose God and his people. You become an apostate because that’s where your personal experiences led you.
And yes, many of them are angry. They repeat apostate tropes that are exaggerated or twisted versions of the truth, and they refuse to accept logic or nuance. Many of them will hate you for supporting what they see as an evil organization before they even know who you really are.
But remember: they are victims. They are hurting.
So I’m learning to see them that way. Not necessarily as victims of the Watchtower or the GB, but as victims of their personal experiences.
I recently spoke to an Ex-JW advocate. He genuinely could not believe I had a happy childhood as a JW. To him, the idea itself was impossible. He brought up birthdays and Christmas as if those were essential components of a happy childhood. After thinking about it for a minute, I honestly felt very sorry for him. If I had been speaking to him in person, I would’ve given him a hug.
So yes, the Watchtower’s advice to its members makes sense. Apostates can absolutely be a toxic influence for a JW, and association with them is something many would want to avoid if they don’t want to risk their spirituality. But at the same time, they should still be viewed with compassion and when possible it’d be nice to male them feel loved.
If I were an active JW with a friend who had turned apostate, this is what I would say:
“I love you, and I’m here for you if you ever decide to come back to the congregation. But for now, I’m going to follow the Bible’s advice and stop associating with apostates, as painful as that is.”
I’d give them a hug, if they allowed it, and walk away.