Should I tell on my cheating mom?
It's been just over a year now since I found out my mom is cheating on my dad via nsfw phone calls.
I have thought about it every single day since I heard the first phone call. It has traumatised me so much and my general anxiety levels are at an all time high. I feel like it is keeping me stuck in life. I am 23, but sadly moving out is not an option for me for the forseeable. The burden of the secret is so heavy and I feel so much guilt daily and can get severely depressed at random times. I have anxiety anyway, so trying to say anything to my dad has just caused intense panic attacks. I feel closer than ever to saying something, like it's finally boiling over, but should I?
I can't cope with this depression, guilt and resentment (my relationship with my mom has completely deteriorated and no one knows why) but things have the potential to be a lot worse if I say something. I also don't know how much I am just catastrophizing... My family is pretty dysfunctional anyway, and my biggest fear is that someone would commit suicide or my parents would die sad and alone (they are already in their late 50s/60s and probably wouldn't look for another partner knowing them). I know that is out of my control and probably unlikely, but I have heard other people saying that they regret speaking up and I am paralysed by the potential negative consequences. Perhaps most of all, I am terrified my dad will never forgive me for being silent for a year.
I really need help in this situation. Should I say anything? How should I say it? And how can I go on living with myself if I don't?