r/MidlifeMavens

I know, Mayo Clinic: Belly fat = bad. I get it. Oh, chronic stress can make it worse, you say?! Tell me more!!! Also, fuck right off!

I eat a mostly healthy diet. I exercise. I have fucking MS and a full time job and a teenager. I am on HRT. I’ve had therapy. I am gaining weight.

I don’t want to go through hating my body and beating myself up for it. I do not want to go fight disordered eating or over exercising again (plus, MS kinda prevents it for me).

Has anyone with a history of body image issues reached a content plateau with their softer, perhaps bigger, body? I feel like I’m 19 again, avoiding mirrors and shit. I’m fucking 51 and over this nonsense already. I just want to enjoy life, including food, and also stay reasonably healthy (other than MS 😅) and feel OK about how I look. Geeezzzz. Any wise mavens who can school me?

Hello... I feel like I've gotten mostly through perimenopause so I don't know that my sadness is ALL that. Maybe some hormone stuff, sure, but not all. I've tried HRT several times and no version of it worked for me. So, there's that part of it all. I'm just sad all the time. ALL the time. Not the panicky sad like I felt when I was more in the throes of perimenopause, but an underlying things-are-never-going-to-be-okay-again sadness. I've lost my Father and I seemed to just change inside when that happened. My Mother is older and has some health issues but, overall, is doing well for her age, thank goodness. I love her more than anything on earth and I live in fear, every single day, of the simple fact that my days with her are more numbered with each passing day. I do anything and everything I can to help her and I consider it to be an honor and a privilege. I also help care for another older relative who can be very demanding at times. There are a lot of appointments to go to, cooking to do, scheduling, research about health things, etc. etc. and yet it feels like I never really DO anything. I know I do but it feels like I don't. I don't know how to make that make sense. I guess meaning that I never do anything that a lot of others would consider worthwhile or meaningful. It's all helping take care of others which is what I want to be doing because I love them so much but I also feel like I should always be doing more.

And, I have excruciating back pain almost daily that I try to work around as well. I'm trying to do what I can to take care of my back (exercise, etc.) but a lot of times it's a matter of just doing what has to be done through the pain anyway. That wears on a person. I feel like my nervous system is just fried.

And, I've been looking back on my Facebook memories and I see a person that I don't even recognize and I wish so much that I could be her again. And I wonder why I can't but... I can't. I'm not the same, things are not the same. I used to be carefree and fun and adventurous and now... I'm not. I can't be. There's always so much to be done, worried so much about those I love, my back hurting so much, and I don't know how to be that again. Or, really, any version of that.

I'm just sad. Sad about what was. Sad about what's to be. Sad that I didn't appreciate how things were when I was younger more than I did. Sad that every day feels so hard. I don't even know. Just so sad. And I catch myself thinking, "Well, take an adventure or do something like you used to do" but that's not really an option either. There are too many things that need dealing with on a daily basis and then, of course, my pain that has to be factored in. But, this overwhelming sadness isn't helping anything either. Anyone been here? Any tips?

If you read this far, thank you! :)

Hello fellow Midlife Mavens. 🌼

I’m a 45-year-old human woman (not AI!) and my slate is pretty clean at this point… single, no kids, can’t really live near family because our values are very different, don’t have a ton of friends because most of my friends are married with kids, have just enough money to start over, some good skills, lots of interests, not a lot of clarity on the specifics of what’s next, perimenopause symptoms, and not a ton of extra energy. Going through a pretty major transformation. It’s for sure been challenging, but I’m embracing this opportunity. It’s a potent time, and I know many people who passed away way too young who would have loved to have LIVED with my problems.

I’m still exploring exactly where I want to live to maximize community building so I can start making my next chapter of friends. Also weighing in on whether I should rent a house of my own and start over with all of my things that have been in storage, or find a sweet, mutually beneficial housemate situation (do those exist?!). I know for sure that I want to prioritize health, new friendships, community, and continuing to nourish my passions (sailing, nature, painting, healthy food, flowers).

AND… I also need to make the $$$.

I want to be really smart about this next chapter of work because I want it to set me up well. I’ve owned my own businesses before and know where my weak spots are and how to get the support I need to not make the mistakes I’ve made in the past… and girrrl… I’ve made a lot of mistakes!

Here’s what I’m considering creating… either or both.

1. Academic success coach working with students receiving special education services in a hybrid model… some virtual, some in-person. I have my MA in special education and am highly relational with my students. I’m their biggest cheerleader, and this is something I can see myself setting up and potentially doing ongoing as I get older. I really enjoy this work. ❤️

2. Professional organizer/cleaner. I discovered that I really enjoy this work after helping family and friends who were struggling with it. I’ve found that I had a knack for it, especially working with clients who have lost loved ones, are dealing with illness or disability themselves, or have a loved one going through that process. I also really enjoy this work.

If you made it this far, I would be very grateful for any insights and reflections you may have to share as I maneuver this next phase of life. I’m happy to be here. Thank you so much in advance for your thoughts.