r/NerdsCampfire

The feeling of not belonging anywhere is a vastly universal human experience. Everybody has felt it at least once in their lives, but some people feel it all their lives and more deeply. The stereotype is an overthinking introvert who has niche interests and is pretty shy around other people. But there is a difference between social anxiety and feeling like you don't belong. You can be extroverted to the maximum and still feel alone among people.

We have evolved to live in groups of 20 apes in a small tribe. We didn't evolve to live in cities which contain millions. The feeling of not belonging is the feeling of not having a tribe or community. A sense of camaraderie and family. It's not about how much you have in common with people. In my experience, I have been best friends with people who are vastly different from me, but we have the same values, like loyalty, love and purpose.

You don't feel like you belong because...well, you don't belong among those people. It's no crazy mystery. The more you know yourself, the more you know what people you want to have around. They have to share your values and care about your well-being. That annoying feeling of not belonging anywhere is trying to protect you from depleting your energy somewhere where it's not appreciated. It's up to you if you listen to it or not. And it's up to you if you do something about it...or just complain about how alone you feel.

Find your tribe. Find your people. "It's hard", you say. Well, of course, if it were easy...you wouldn't be reading this post.

We often struggle with introversion. Our energy gets depleted quickly when we talk with people and get energized by alone time. In jobs, we need to be cheerful, and the more we pretend, the more we get tired.

I’m an introvert, just like you, and believe me…I don’t like to talk to people all day. I often even describe myself as an introvert and make it part of my identity. But I try not to let it define me. I see it just as part of my personality traits, just one of many (exactly one of five if you also like the OCEAN personality spectrum). When we make something our identity, we live in a story where the attribute hinders us, and we make excuses as to why we can't do certain things. We like to blame it for our failures, "I can't get the promotion because I'm too shy", or "I can't get the interview because I'm scared and shy".

We limit ourselves. We limit our potential. We limit the good we can do in the world. It can be depression, anxiety or our personality, but if we let ANYTHING else decide our fate, then it's all over, and there's no reason to try to be better. I hope you want to be the best version of yourself. I hope you don't get discouraged because "others have it easier" because they talk easily with other people, they don't get drained, their extroversion and higher energy give them a leg up. But life doesn't work like that.

One of the best advice I heard about great ideas is from Stephen King. He said "a writer's notebook is the best way in the world to immortalize bad ideas". It means that great ideas keep popping up in your mind because they won't let you go and that it's important. It can be applied even to other aspects of life, business idea or a any kind of project. If the idea is truly good it will stick around, like a rash until you do something about it. It literally speaks to you and wants to come to life.

Do you have anything in your life which is stuck like a gum in your thoughts? Do you have unfinished goals or dreams? Does something bother you to the point you can't sleep?

It's your moral and personal duty to address it. If you want to live in peace with yourself, you can't ignore the highest voice you have in you - your consciousness. That's the voice that keeps talking and you ought to listen to it. If not, well...you can see for yourself what will happen. Nothing good. I can promise that.

So what will you do about the voice? Will you keep ignoring it or will you finally heed to its cries?

I thought about what rules nerds should live by. What simple creed is needed for us? What values should we hold and towards what should we strive? I like the number 13; I like to test destiny with an unlucky number.

13 rules:

1.        Know who you are.

2.        Find your guild.

3.        Treat your life as the ultimate RPG.

4.        Sharpen your mind.

5.        Build your body.

6.        Don’t make excuses.

7.        Treat introversion as a personality trait, not as a definition of your character.

8.        Be more connected to nature.

9.        Consume less, create more.

10.       Don’t AFK from real life.

11.       Choose meaning over comfort.

12.       Don’t spend life daydreaming.

13.       Become the Hero of your story