u/vitaiterest

The feeling of not belonging anywhere is a vastly universal human experience. Everybody has felt it at least once in their lives, but some people feel it all their lives and more deeply. The stereotype is an overthinking introvert who has niche interests and is pretty shy around other people. But there is a difference between social anxiety and feeling like you don't belong. You can be extroverted to the maximum and still feel alone among people.

We have evolved to live in groups of 20 apes in a small tribe. We didn't evolve to live in cities which contain millions. The feeling of not belonging is the feeling of not having a tribe or community. A sense of camaraderie and family. It's not about how much you have in common with people. In my experience, I have been best friends with people who are vastly different from me, but we have the same values, like loyalty, love and purpose.

You don't feel like you belong because...well, you don't belong among those people. It's no crazy mystery. The more you know yourself, the more you know what people you want to have around. They have to share your values and care about your well-being. That annoying feeling of not belonging anywhere is trying to protect you from depleting your energy somewhere where it's not appreciated. It's up to you if you listen to it or not. And it's up to you if you do something about it...or just complain about how alone you feel.

Find your tribe. Find your people. "It's hard", you say. Well, of course, if it were easy...you wouldn't be reading this post.

Those of us who like to be a better version of ourselves can't get discouraged by not progressing enough. Life is a wild ride. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down. We can do everything right and still feel like an utter failure and lose hope. Let me briefly tell you my story.

I like to optimize my life so that everything is in order. I try to do everything in the book. Eat healthy, work out, drink plenty of water, take care of my mental health, spend time with my partner, go to doctors if something is wrong, repair anything broken in the house, clean often and on and on...and on. But...I still suffer from severe dry eyes, I still have low confidence, I still can't find a proper career, I still haven't created my wished nerd community and have a great social media personal brand. Sometimes, I just scroll on TikTok; sometimes I like a bit of a smoke; sometimes I like to do nothing and then blame myself for being lazy.

I hope you recognized yourself. Trying to do the good thing. Trying to be better, but still not seeing the results. We might just curse the gods or the universe. We might just give up because what is the point of all this if you can't see the results? In my opinion, the point is reaching for something higher. In the Stoic view, it doesn't matter if you achieve your goal; what counts is the effort you put in.

I needed to remember this today. I came from an eye doctor's appointment with the same bad results I have been getting these past 2 and a half years. I got sad and discouraged. But I need to go on. I can't quit. You can't quit. Why? Because what else is there to do than do good, improve, and make the world a better place?

Keep it going guys.

We often struggle with introversion. Our energy gets depleted quickly when we talk with people and get energized by alone time. In jobs, we need to be cheerful, and the more we pretend, the more we get tired.

I’m an introvert, just like you, and believe me…I don’t like to talk to people all day. I often even describe myself as an introvert and make it part of my identity. But I try not to let it define me. I see it just as part of my personality traits, just one of many (exactly one of five if you also like the OCEAN personality spectrum). When we make something our identity, we live in a story where the attribute hinders us, and we make excuses as to why we can't do certain things. We like to blame it for our failures, "I can't get the promotion because I'm too shy", or "I can't get the interview because I'm scared and shy".

We limit ourselves. We limit our potential. We limit the good we can do in the world. It can be depression, anxiety or our personality, but if we let ANYTHING else decide our fate, then it's all over, and there's no reason to try to be better. I hope you want to be the best version of yourself. I hope you don't get discouraged because "others have it easier" because they talk easily with other people, they don't get drained, their extroversion and higher energy give them a leg up. But life doesn't work like that.

One of the best advice I heard about great ideas is from Stephen King. He said "a writer's notebook is the best way in the world to immortalize bad ideas". It means that great ideas keep popping up in your mind because they won't let you go and that it's important. It can be applied even to other aspects of life, business idea or a any kind of project. If the idea is truly good it will stick around, like a rash until you do something about it. It literally speaks to you and wants to come to life.

Do you have anything in your life which is stuck like a gum in your thoughts? Do you have unfinished goals or dreams? Does something bother you to the point you can't sleep?

It's your moral and personal duty to address it. If you want to live in peace with yourself, you can't ignore the highest voice you have in you - your consciousness. That's the voice that keeps talking and you ought to listen to it. If not, well...you can see for yourself what will happen. Nothing good. I can promise that.

So what will you do about the voice? Will you keep ignoring it or will you finally heed to its cries?

Self-improvement for nerds isn't about blind hustle and the grind culture we see everywhere. It's about treating your body, mind and spirit in the same way you treat your hobbies. We can spend hours upon hours analyzing games, reading about lore of fantasy worlds or watching countless hours of YouTube about space. This deep analytical mindset can be used to level up your life and overall health. This obsessiveness about our interests comes from our never-ending curiosity and it would waste to not use it where it actually matters.

If you are a nerd who wants to design a more meaningful and fulfilling lifestyle, then use the nerdiness. When I started taking gym more seriously, I became science gym bro who watched every Jeff Nippard or Dr. Mike's video possible. I became obsessed, just like when I watch videos about WoW lore. You can do it. I Believe in you.

I thought about what rules nerds should live by. What simple creed is needed for us? What values should we hold and towards what should we strive? I like the number 13; I like to test destiny with an unlucky number.

13 rules:

1.        Know who you are.

2.        Find your guild.

3.        Treat your life as the ultimate RPG.

4.        Sharpen your mind.

5.        Build your body.

6.        Don’t make excuses.

7.        Treat introversion as a personality trait, not as a definition of your character.

8.        Be more connected to nature.

9.        Consume less, create more.

10.       Don’t AFK from real life.

11.       Choose meaning over comfort.

12.       Don’t spend life daydreaming.

13.       Become the Hero of your story 

We can get caught up in the big wins. Celebrating only our graduation, promotions, weddings, babies being born and so on. We forget to enjoy and celebrate the little moments, which are more plentiful and don't require years of hard work. They also feel better in a way because when we celebrate the big things, we immediately fall into the trap of thinking "That's what I was supposed to do all along. It was my duty", and can't enjoy anything from it.

So, what are the little wins? It can be anything. You woke up early, you worked out pretty intensely that one session, you helped someone, and you felt better; you didn't shout at that annoying Karen (even though you probably should). These are all things which can happen every day. They are also totally under your control, which from the Stoic perspective, is the main metric by which you should value yourself. The big wins (promotion, wedding, etc.) are heavily dependent on the outside. Your boos might be a jerk who promotes his relative, and your spouse might become a c*nt; it's all in the stars. But you can control the little stuff, because YOU do them.

Life is really long, and it does not consist mainly of the big stuff; it is made of the small stuff. Like the beach is made from singular grains of sand. Sure, there is a rock here and there, but the grains are what make beach a beach.

What a wonderful feeling is uselessness. It strips us of the last bit of decency we have for ourselves. It speaks to the highest form of ourselves - consciousness - the thing which tells us we do something right or wrong. When we feel useless, we know we ought to do more, we need to try harder, and we need to find meaning in our lives.

Working in a dead-end job? Working just for money with no positive effect on others? Not working at all? Blindly going from job to job, from hobby to hobby, from inspiration to inspiration. And in the end...there's nothing worth a f*ck around you. It's funny how we know we should do more meaningful things, yet get stuck in comfort. It's funny how feeling useless is accompanied by its best friend - feeling lost.

"Pick the heaviest load you can carry" is Peterson's advice, and I think it is a good one. He says meaning is found in responsibility, but you can be responsible for a whole marketing department for washing machines, and I don't think you will find much meaning there.

Help people. That's my advice for feeling useless. You might still feel useless even when you help thousands or millions, but that's the nice thing about feelings...reality doesn't care how you feel, it cares what you do.

We all suffer from low confidence and shame. We don't see ourselves as others do. We live in doubt and try to lighten it by calling it "Having too big expectations of oneself". But even if we try to become the best version of ourselves, we still lack the belief. We can believe in Gods, spirits, luck, misfortune and even others, but struggle to believe in ourselves.

So, let's try it today. What is the smallest and most possible thing you can believe in? Is it that you will make a good deal? Is it that you will go to the gym? Is it that you will help someone?

Just believe you are capable of something, and you will be astonished by how much your feelings about yourself will improve.

Keep it going guys!

The Nerd's Campfire is a place for any nerd. From anime and books to philosophy and sports. Anyone interested in delving into topics deeply and with the right mind and soul is heartily welcome here.

Just like a campfire in any fantasy world, it serves as a place for rest, chat and getting new strength for your next adventure. This place is not just for talking, but for getting better. Because the night is dark and full of terrors, and so is our real life. We must be better; we must strive towards something greater. Why? I will let you answer that question for yourself. But if you want to be better, you are in the right place, dear adventurer.

I want all of us to connect, to talk, to discuss, to share and to improve together. It is always much better to quest with others than alone.

Thank you for joining the campfire.

The Nerd's Campfire is a place for any nerd. From anime and books to philosophy and sports. Anyone interested in delving into topics deeply and with the right mind and soul is heartily welcome here.

Just like a campfire in any fantasy world, it serves as a place for rest, chat and getting new strength for your next adventure. This place is not just for talking, but for getting better. Because the night is dark and full of terrors, and so is our real life. We must be better; we must strive towards something greater. Why? I will let you answer that question for yourself. But if you want to be better, you are in the right place, dear adventurer.

I want all of us to connect, to talk, to discuss, to share and to improve together. It is always much better to quest with others than alone.

Thank you for joining the campfire.

We all make mistakes. That much is clear. We don't want to make them, but somehow they manage to crawl into our lives. The worst part is...they are all our children. We made them, by accident or by precarious calculations. Doesn't matter how much we try to predict the outcome of our actions or calculations; the future is uncertain, and we never know what the result will be in the end.

We will never stop making mistakes. We wish we would stop, but we never do. We swear we will never make such a mistake again. Yet, we agained. But why? Why can't we get rid of them? It's partly because what we see as a mistake might be something a cosmic being sees as the biggest blessing. I recommed to look at the famous Chinese farmer story. It's my favourite one in this regard, where it says that we can never know the absolute outcomes of our actions, whether they are good or bad. But that mindset doesn't help very much when we torture ourselves with never-ending thoughts of our shortcomings and failures.

I have no idea how to get rid of the bad feeling after making a mistake. Try everything that TikTok, YouTube or any self-help books say, but from my experience, our consciousness will torture us either way. And maybe that's the whole point. We shouldn't feel good. We shouldn't be Stoic about it. We should feel the moral weight of our failure. We are reminded to be better. We should try harder next time because we will die either way. Might as well be the best version of ourselves.

Keep it going guys!

Those of us who like to be a better version of ourselves can't get discouraged by not progressing enough. Life is a wild ride. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down. We can do everything right and still feel like an utter failure and lose hope. Let me briefly tell you my story.

I like to optimize my life so that everything is in order. I try to do everything in the book. Eat healthy, work out, drink plenty of water, take care of my mental health, spend time with my partner, go to doctors if something is wrong, repair anything broken in the house, clean often and on and on...and on. But...I still suffer with severe dry eyes, I still have low confidence, I still can't find a proper career, I still haven't created my wished nerd community and have a great social media personal brand. Sometimes, I just scroll on TikTok, sometimes I like a bit of a smoke, sometimes I like to do nothing and then blame myself for being lazy.

I hope you recognized yourself. Trying to do the good thing. Trying to be better, but still not seeing the results. We might just curse the gods or the universe. We might just give up because what is the point of this all if you can't see the results? In my opinion, the point is reaching for something higher. In the Stoic view, it doesn't matter if you achieve your goal; what counts is the effort you put in.

I needed to remember this today. I came from an eye doctor's appointment with the same bad results I have been getting these past 2 and half years. I got sad and discouraged. But I need to go on. I can't quit. You can't quit. Why? Because what else is there to do than doing good, improving and making the world a better place.

Keep it going guys.

We often struggle with introversion. Our energy gets depleted quickly when we talk with people and get energized by alone time. In jobs, we need to be cheerful, and the more we pretend, the more we get tired.

I’m an introvert, just like you, and believe me…I don’t like to talk to people all day. I often even describe myself as an introvert and make it part of my identity. But I try not to let it define me. I see it just as part of my personality traits, just one of many (exactly one of five if you also like the OCEAN personality spectrum). When we make something our identity, we live in a story where the attribute hinders us, and we make excuses as to why we can't do certain things. We like to blame it for our failures, "I can't get the promotion because I'm too shy", or "I can't get the interview because I'm scared and shy".

We limit ourselves. We limit our potential. We limit the good we can do in the world. It can be depression, anxiety or our personality, but if we let ANYTHING else decide our fate, then it's all over, and there's no reason to try to be better. I hope you want to be the best version of yourself. I hope you don't get discouraged because "others have it easier" because they talk easily with other people, they don't get drained, their extroversion and higher energy give them a leg up. But life doesn't work like that.

Every coin has two sides. Introversion trades low sociability for introspection, anxiety for prudence, or shallow talk for deep debate (a great book on this is The Quiet Mind by J. Coleman). If you use introversion as an excuse, also keep in mind its positive aspects. Then there's the hard reality check of why introversion only seems to be negative and not positive in your life. Might have something to do with you. Keep it simple and take accountability for who you are and what you do.

Keep it going guys!

Self-improvement for nerds isn't about blind hustle and the grind culture we see everywhere. It's about treating your body, mind and spirit in the same way you treat your hobbies. We can spend hours upon hours analyzing games, reading about lore of fantasy worlds or watching countless hours of YouTube about space. This deep analytical mindset can be used to level up your life and overall health. This obsessiveness about our interests comes from our never-ending curiosity and it would waste to not use it where it actually matters.

If you are a nerd who wants to design a more meaningful and fulfilling lifestyle, then use the nerdiness. When I started taking gym more seriously, I became science gym bro who watched every Jeff Nippard or Dr. Mike's video possible. I became obsessed, just like when I watch videos about WoW lore. You can do it. I Believe in you.

I thought about what rules nerds should live by. What simple creed is needed for us? What values should we hold and towards what should we strive? I like the number 13; I like to test destiny with an unlucky number.

13 rules:

1.        Know who you are.

2.        Find your guild.

3.        Treat your life as the ultimate RPG.

4.        Sharpen your mind.

5.        Build your body.

6.        Don’t make excuses.

7.        Treat introversion as a personality trait, not as a definition of your character.

8.        Be more connected to nature.

9.        Consume less, create more.

10.       Don’t AFK from real life.

11.       Choose meaning over comfort.

12.       Don’t spend life daydreaming.

13.       Become the Hero of your story 

Hey everyone!

I have always been interested in self help, motivation and the whole personal growth niche. I have read all the classics from 12 Rules for Life to Psychology of Money. I made a YouTube channel dedicated to mental health, self-improvement, philosophy, psychology, etc. Anything that makes us better and helps us reach a better place. I have been wanting to do an interview-style podcast. I’d love to talk to people who have similar interests in knowledge and improvement.

Would anyone be interested in joining an interview in a podcast with me to talk about these topics? The goal is to have honest and thoughtful conversations that could help others and improve their lives. The name of the channel is PrometheanQuest. I also have Instagram and TikTok. If it seems interesting, let me know in the comments or DM me.

Hey everyone!

I have always been interested in self help, motivation and the whole personal growth niche. I have read all the classics from 12 Rules for Life to Psychology of Money. I made a YouTube channel dedicated to mental health, self-improvement, philosophy, psychology, etc. Anything that makes us better and helps us reach a better place. I have been wanting to do an interview-style podcast. I’d love to talk to people who have similar interests in knowledge and improvement.

Would anyone be interested in joining an interview in a podcast with me to talk about these topics? The goal is to have honest and thoughtful conversations that could help others and improve their lives. The name of the channel is PrometheanQuest. I also have Instagram and TikTok. If it seems interesting, let me know in the comments or DM me.