r/ProbateHelp

Warning long post

I’m involved in a California probate case involving my father’s estate, and I’m trying to figure out what my options are before I sign anything.
My father’s 2010 will gives my sister and me $1,000 each, leaves the residue to my mother, and then contains another provision giving the executor “sole and absolute discretion” over the residue if my mother predeceased him. She did.
My uncle Gerry is the executor.
I just learned that I am past the 120-day deadline to contest the will. But I was never really trying to invalidate the will itself. My concern is how the executor is using the discretion the will gives him.
He has now proposed giving me $50,000, minus about $9,000 that he says represents “loans” or advances he made to my household, leaving me with about $41,000.
I dispute that those payments were loans.
There were no repayment terms, repayment dates, interest terms, promissory notes, or verbal discussions saying I would have to pay most of that money back. Much of it was presented as financial help when my family was struggling.
Earlier, my uncle tried to get me to sign an agreement saying certain rent assistance was a personal loan and also included language about what I was entitled to under my parents’ wills. I refused to sign that version.
Now those payments and other financial help are being treated as debts and deducted from what he says he is willing to distribute to me from the estate.
What concerns me even more is what I’m being asked to sign in order to receive that distribution.
Along with the proposed $41,000 payment, I have been presented with documents that appear to require me to release or waive additional claims and, separately, sign an irrevocable waiver of accounting.
That accounting is exactly what I want to see.
I still do not know exactly how the remainder of my father’s estate is being distributed, what amounts are being paid to whom, what reimbursements the executor is taking, what expenses have been charged to the estate, or how he arrived at the amount he is offering me.
So from my perspective, I am being asked to accept approximately $41,000 and at the same time waive my right to receive the detailed accounting that could answer the questions I have about where the rest of the estate went.
I am not saying I know that he is hiding something. I’m saying I do not understand why I should waive access to an accounting before I have actually seen and understood the estate’s finances.
I have not signed the distribution agreement or the waiver of accounting.
What really concerns me is the executor’s own statements about how he is exercising his discretion.
He has repeatedly said that I am only entitled to more than the specific $1,000 gift if he decides to give it to me.
He has said I need to prove that I am mature, responsible, honest and hardworking.
He has tied additional money to whether I improve my lifestyle, employment, education and financial behavior.
And in one message he said, essentially, that he controls distribution and that the more I make him angry, the greater the chance I have “overplayed my hand.”
So my questions are:
Does being past the 120-day will contest deadline stop me only from challenging the validity of the will, or does it also stop me from challenging the executor’s conduct?

Is challenging how an executor uses discretionary authority legally different from contesting the will itself?

Can an executor with “sole and absolute discretion” legally base estate distributions on personal anger, family history, lifestyle judgments, employment, education or whether he thinks a beneficiary is mature enough?

Does an executor with broad discretion still owe fiduciary duties?

Can a probate court review whether he abused that discretion?

Can he deduct about $9,000 from my proposed distribution as repayment of alleged personal loans when I never agreed that most of those payments were loans?

Who has the burden of proving those payments were actually loans rather than gifts or voluntary assistance?

Can he reimburse himself from estate funds for money he personally advanced to me if I dispute that I owed him anything?

If I refuse the $41,000 offer and refuse to sign the release, what happens next?

Am I entitled to see a full accounting before agreeing to this distribution?

Why would a beneficiary sign an irrevocable waiver of accounting before seeing where the estate money went?
If I refuse to waive the accounting, can I require the executor to provide one or ask the probate court to compel one?

Does the final petition for distribution have to disclose who is receiving the rest of the estate and how much?

If my sister receives more than I do, am I entitled to know that through the accounting or final distribution paperwork?

If the executor receives reimbursement or compensation from the estate, does that have to appear in the accounting or final petition?

Can I object to the final accounting or petition for distribution even though I am past the will-contest deadline?

Can I petition to compel an accounting or ask the court to review the executor’s conduct without triggering the no-contest clause?

Would texts showing that the executor tied distributions to whether I made him angry or whether he approved of my life choices matter in determining whether he abused his discretion?

Is there anything I should file now rather than waiting for the final petition for distribution?

Would refusing the $41,000 offer preserve my rights, or is there some risk in simply refusing it?

If the proposed $41,000 distribution is conditioned on me releasing claims and waiving the accounting, should I treat the payment itself and those waivers as separate issues?

Can an executor condition a discretionary
distribution on a beneficiary agreeing not to demand an accounting?

The estate was originally estimated at roughly $494,000, and more recent figures I received put the net estate at roughly $252,000.
I’m not claiming I automatically deserve all of that money.
What concerns me is that I’m being offered about $41,000 after disputed deductions while I still do not understand how the remainder of the estate is being distributed.
And the document I’m being asked to sign would waive the accounting that seems most likely to answer that question.
That is the part I’m having the hardest time understanding.

If everything has been properly administered and distributed, why should I waive the accounting before I’ve seen it?

I also do not want to sign a release or accounting waiver and later discover that I gave up rights I could have exercised.
For anyone familiar with California probate, what would you focus on first?
Would you be looking at an objection to final distribution, a petition to compel an accounting, abuse of discretion, breach of fiduciary duty, disputed creditor/loan claims, or something else?
I’m especially interested in hearing from anyone who has dealt with a will giving an executor extremely broad discretion over the residue.

Also want to add since I know a lot of you are probably going to advise me on this.

I don’t have the money to retain a lawyer. I’ve done one consultation which lead them to believe after seeing the will had only one witness ( which is the notary!) that we actually may have a case. But wanted 3500 to be retained.

If anyone knows of any free legal counsel or resources that may be of assistance in the California/ Ventura county area. Please DM ‘me!

My family is dealing with an estate right now and one thing I didn’t really understand going into it was how much sits outside the actual probate/legal process. The lawyer can handle the court side, but then there’s figuring out what accounts exist, tracking down assets, dealing with the house, banks, bills, taxes, subscriptions, beneficiaries, etc. It starts feeling less like one legal process and more like managing a bunch of separate projects at once. Asset discovery is probably the part I’m most curious about. For people who have actually gone through this, how did you make sure you’d found everything? Did your probate lawyer help with that side too, did you bring in a CPA or another professional, or did most of it still fall on you as executor? And if you used some kind of full-service estate settlement company to coordinate everything, was that actually useful compared with hiring the different professionals separately?

I have an estate account set up now and found a check made out to the deceased. Do I simply sign the back as my name, Personal Representative? Or Estate of XX?

Also, I use Chase and typically do use the app to take pictures of the checks I receive for my normal accounts. Is this option available for estate accounts too? Thank you!

I’m dealing with a complicated estate situation in Minnesota and would really appreciate perspectives from people familiar with probate, estate litigation, POA abuse, or similar family situations.
I’m intentionally leaving names out, and obviously some of what follows is alleged because I have not yet been able to obtain the complete financial records.
My grandmother died September 19, 2025.
She had five children. Four survived her. My father, her fifth child, died before her.
Her 2018 will, however, specifically addresses what happens if one of her children predeceases her. As I understand it, that child’s descendants take that child’s share by representation/per stirpes. My father had three children, including me.
The will also names one of my aunts as Personal Representative.
Here’s where things get strange.
More than a year after Grandma died, probate still has not been opened and, to my knowledge, the original will has not been filed with the court.
Shortly after Grandma died, the four surviving siblings apparently got together and discussed not following portions of the will. I have been told they actually wrote/signified their agreement on the original will that they would not honor the equal-distribution provision and another specific monetary bequest.
Obviously, beneficiaries writing on a will after someone dies doesn’t magically rewrite the deceased person’s estate plan, but the fact that this allegedly happened is one of the things that concerns me.
Then there are the assets.
My aunt had been acting under my grandmother’s power of attorney before Grandma died and had significant access to her finances.
I have reason to believe that, during the years she had that authority, ownership and/or beneficiary designations on various assets may have been changed. These potentially include bank accounts, investments, CDs, retirement assets, life insurance, etc.
I do NOT yet have the records necessary to determine exactly what was changed, when it was changed, who authorized it, or what Grandma understood at the time. Obtaining those records is one of my primary goals.
There is also the house.
A transfer-on-death deed apparently transferred Grandma’s house to this same aunt.
The strange part is that shortly before Grandma died, while she was hospitalized and unable to speak, I personally heard my aunt say words to the effect that she had Grandma sign a TODD so she could sell the house and divide the proceeds according to Grandma’s will.
The house has since been sold.
Instead of my father’s branch receiving what would have been his share under the will, my aunt sent the grandchildren checks accompanied by letters characterizing the money as a “gift.”
The four surviving siblings apparently received distributions from the house proceeds as well.
That distinction bothers me enormously.
If this was simply my aunt’s house because of the TODD, why was she distributing its proceeds among the siblings in a manner resembling Grandma’s estate plan?
And if she was distributing the proceeds because that was Grandma’s intent, why was my deceased father’s branch excluded from his share?
There are other financial issues that concern me.
I’ve been told that approximately $32,000 in cash was found in Grandma’s safe-deposit box and divided among the surviving children.
I’ve also been told that money was moved from Grandma’s accounts after her death into an account controlled by my aunt to pay expenses.
There was apparently also a tax rebate/refund check received after Grandma died that was cashed or deposited.
I do not yet have complete documentation showing the exact amounts, accounts, dates, endorsements, or ultimate disposition of all these funds, which is precisely why I am asking for an accounting rather than claiming I know exactly what happened.
There’s another piece that predates Grandma’s death and concerns me even more.
The day before Grandma died, I personally heard my aunt state that they had emptied some of Grandma’s investment/bank accounts to “hide” money in case Grandma needed medical assistance so the state couldn’t take it.
Again, I don’t yet have the financial records necessary to determine exactly what transactions she was referring to.
I have now formally requested an accounting, financial records, information concerning my deceased father’s share, and the filing of the original will.
I emailed my aunt and also sent a certified demand letter. I have proof that it was delivered.
I have also been working toward opening formal probate myself and requesting supervised administration, preservation/delivery of the original will, an accounting, and appointment of an appropriate Personal Representative or Special Administrator so someone with actual legal authority can preserve records and determine what happened.
My concern is bigger than simply “I want an inheritance.”
I want to know:
What did Grandma own before these changes?
What did she own when she died?
What beneficiary/ownership changes occurred while someone was acting under POA?
Who received those assets?
What happened to assets after her death?
Why was her will never probated?
Why were the four living children apparently treated differently from the descendants of the child who died first when the will specifically addresses that situation?
And most importantly:
Was Grandma’s actual estate plan honored?
My dad died before his mother. His death was devastating to his children. Seeing his entire branch of the family seemingly treated as though he simply ceased to exist has made this especially painful.
I’m not asking Reddit to determine that anyone committed a crime or stole anything. I don’t have enough documentation to make that assertion.
I’m trying to get the matter in front of a Minnesota probate judge so records can be obtained, transactions can be accounted for, and the facts can speak for themselves.
For anyone who has dealt with Minnesota probate litigation, POA accounting, beneficiary changes made by an attorney-in-fact, TODD disputes, constructive trusts, or supervised probate:
What would you be focusing on first?
Would you prioritize getting a neutral/special administrator appointed before pursuing discovery?
Would you subpoena the financial institutions directly rather than relying on family members to voluntarily produce records?
And if beneficiary designations or ownership interests were changed by someone acting under a POA for their own benefit, what records would you consider most important to obtain?
I’m already speaking with attorneys, but the potential cost of litigating this is significant when I don’t even know the true size of the estate yet.
I’d especially appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar in Minnesota.

Found out my mother passed away in Feb 2024. She left her house and a 750k estate ($550k of that is in a IRA) to a friend and disinherited me in the will which was dated 2019.
I never got a chance to inspect the will or contest it because the executor never notified me. The executor placed a notice in the local paper but I am out of state and there was no heir search or notification that was done.
Am I screwed on contesting this will?