Kumbe yogurt iko na matumizi mengi hivi na hamsemi, syllabus iko kasi 😂

I, like most of you, grew up in a nuclear family. I watched(at least as far as little me was aware) my parents foster a partnership throughout my almost three decades while committed to each other. And understandably, this is a model I've idealized to recreate in my brain. It seems to be the model everyone does as well. Ah, beautiful stable monogamy, you.

But...

I'm currently conflicted...

Is Monogamy unnatural?

In my current understanding of humanity, and as far as I have read, we're not entirely monogamous species. For for the longest time, and by observing our evolutionary neighbors, long-term and life-long monogamy isn't as common. Some primates like Bonobos barely practice monogamy at all, they're highly promiscuous(and gay).

What I've learned is that for the longest time our ancestors practiced Serial monogamy, where the male partner could throughout the gestation period and maybe a short while to raise the kid, then move on to the next one. It wasn't life-long. This makes sense because of how vulnerable the woman might be during the pregnancy and how long human children take to develop, I can understand why this model works best for the continuation of our species. It assures that at least the most vulnerable among the tribe has someone to take care of them.

Is it mostly traditional peer pressure?

Most of life-long monogamy tends to originate from and represent class struggles, as a means to control the mixing of privileged and unprivileged blood. That's to say what we tend to do in the modern day is more socially driven by social factors like status and . I can also see why we'd develop it to control STIs (they're not fun to have), but generally, a social affair. The church and Islam are what enforced it to us anyway(not to say African societies didn't practice it at all).

Does it come from an unhealthy place?

Does it come from a place of possession? A place of insecurity? Isn't monogamy a call from our inner child's desire to be chosen and reassured that they're special and valued? Is that a healthy place? Would, therefore, a properly healed person whose dealt with their inner wounds still have these insecurities, and therefore no longer seek validation in the form of monogamy? What does it say about us who seek it?

Isn't monogamy unfair?

Let's be realistic. We cannot fulfil all of our partner's needs. So why do subject them to potentially a life of choosing only us to fulfil them? We ask them to sacrifice some desires, potential, and experience for us. And we have to give up the same. Is that fair? We're on this wet rock only once and barely for long enough, is it reasonable to forego all those potential experiences for someone?

Is it impractical?

Humans, understandably, are fallible beings. We make mistakes. We and our partners are like to, too. Now, knowing this, is a monogamous arrangement setting each other up for failure. Now, when more than ever, extra-marital affairs and having multiple sexual partners is commonplace and the norm, won't it be better to allow yourself and your partner a platform to be open about your philandering? Why set them up to have to sneak and keep secrets. If we understand that we're likely to do it anyway, why not have a mature agreement about it and be free with each other?

Is it really healthy?

While STIs are definitely not fun to have. I think we(Tanzanians) do have massive hysteria around STIs/STDs. I personally blame it on lingering hysteria from the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 90s and the government's social programs to raise awareness. But I'm of the opinion that STIs tend to rarely ever be as bad as we make them out to be. Kwanza, most people don't have STIs. Pia, with the advancement of modern medicine, you can get PrEP/PEP for free in most hospitals and DoxyPEP in some dispensaries.

Nevertheless, STIs are not fun to have, for sure. So I can understand why settling down can be worth it anyway. Besides, having sex with condoms(at least receptively) feels almost just as good as doing it without them. So it shouldn't be an issue, really.

Stability and growth?

Since I'm building a life and future for myself, if I'll be introducing someone in my life's growth plan, I would definitely want them committed to the cause. I like to cite Jesus when he says "why should I give the food that was meant for the children to the dogs?". I wouldn't want the personal and emotional investment I've put in us to be wasted on someone else. I'm convinced that a committed partner is probably more likely to pay attention to you, and collaborate better. Anything other people would be a distraction, wouldn't they?

Should I/we give up on monogamy?

I still understand the practical implications of monogamy, I do believe it's one of the things that's gotten us this far as a species in the last 100 years to be 8 billion strong. Admittedly, it's something I would love to recreate, and it's something I'm open to and maybe actively ready/looking for.

Of course, in MLM and MSM(Male who Loves Males and Male who has Sex with Males) circles, promiscuity and hookups are quite rampant, at least according to surveys, and understandably I find myself as the odd one out in those spaces like on Grindr or Tinder. Most men I know mostly to date to appease the women they desire, now when it's two men, you can see why they wouldn't even think about it.

I wonder if at this point I'm looking for a white elephant all these years. I wonder if I'm just setting myself up for disappointment looking for monogamy. Maybe I just need to outgrow it, and be like the rest. Maybe monogamy isn't the problem altogether?

Does this community have girls as i observe all i see are men but no response from girls 🙆🏾‍♂️🙆🏾‍♂️ Girls say something in here

Lets stop all BS and just be honest...Do you still have faith in love in this generation?

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