r/TransGoth

I started dressing up since I was 16, now is something that is part of me, I’ve thought in transitioning, but family and social relationships stops me cuz idk how they gonna react.

I go by as Alice (Alan if I need to hide for survival reasons).

I have had trans feelings since my twenties but I could never find anyone to talk to.

I opened up on being gender queer at age 39. My dad who I still live with doesn’t agree with my gender identity but at least he lets me live at home.

Now I’m age 46 and I have a lot of regrets not transitioning at an early age.

It wasn’t just my attraction to women’s clothing. There were times I wish I could be a birthing mother and become pregnant- even if it was physically impossible.

What helped a little with being trans was being a drag queen (often as a dark clown or goth girl look)

I’ve discovered hard truths and difficult revelations about trans feminine ppl starting out with HRT while middle aged. Body hair doesn’t completely go away, head hair won’t reappear to cover up my male pattern baldness, and facial surgery and electrolysis treatments are too expensive.

I’m not bothering getting breasts or bottom surgery as I feel awkward not getting hair and facial features to go with it.

Instead, I was thinking about a lower dosage of HRT to have subtle feminine features on the face. I do have the following concerns:

1. Lower libido and would I ever get it back.

2. Can I still be attracted to women even if with lower HRT?

3. Would it help my autism if I took a low amount of HRT?

4. Am I expected to change by interests being on HRT? I like doing artwork in horror and fantasy genres (I’m influenced by artists like Frank Frazetta) and I like creating monsters and dinosaurs with my art. I don’t want to give it up. I didn’t collect Barbie when I was young- I loved TMNT and superhero stuff. I believe women, nonbinary and feminine adjacent ppl shouldn’t have to change their interests if they don’t want to. Are trans women or trans femme expected to act a certain way or like specific things?

I was going to use my masculine and feminine name interchangeably. I also want to blend in easier if things are getting too fascist. I live in Alberta Canada where it’s getting like that. It’s bad enough Idaho, Kansas, Texas, and Florida are unsafe for trans ppl.

If anyone who is middle aged with low HRT as a trans femme, I appreciate any advice you may have.

Thank you for reading this post.

~ Vi cosplay from this past weekend 😁