r/UpperMiddleFinance

My husband and I have a combined net worth of about $3.5 million, although we do have some debt outside our mortgages.
My husband is 70 and I’m significantly younger. He spends quite a bit on nice dinners ($250-$1000+) a couple times a week, expensive trips and hotels ($20,000), again a couple of these a year, etc., mostly things he chooses for us to enjoy together. His philosophy is that he worked hard for his money, doesn’t know how much time he has left, and wants to enjoy it. I understand and agree with that to a point.
My concern is that our timelines are very different. I could potentially have decades ahead of me after he’s gone, and I also worry about future illness or long-term-care expenses. Sometimes I’m so worried about how much we’re spending that I can’t even enjoy the luxury.
For those with $3M+ net worth, do you actually feel rich? Are you frugal or do you spend freely?

Since you have so much money, you should buy this thing and that.

How do you teach your kids the value of time and money? How do you teach them to value life and go to school when they grow up well off? For my parents, it was easy. We just didn’t have much we would shop at the dollar store for cookies and even then we would look for nickels in the couch. We weren’t encouraged to take extracurricular because they would be too expensive.

For context, my wife is a public accountant, and I am an engineer at a tech company.

I’m just grateful for where I am in life and I hope you all are too. I mean holy shit in this economy the upper middle can buy food, we can save for retirement, many if us have houses, and we have discretionary income!

I’m literally living my dream life. The upper middle may not be “rich” but holy shit so many of us have come so far. I’m 33 and you could not have convinced 16 year old me that the upper middle isn’t rich. You also couldn’t have convinced 23 year old me that this isn’t rich.

For us, my husband and I eat out all the time. We pay for things for friends and family. We buy stuff without worrying about it. We never know when the next paychecks hit. We’re cash flowing IVF. Money is not a major deciding factor in many of our decisions. We max out our retirements, invest in index funds, and we move on with life. I know we don’t have yachts and private jets, but we are so unbelievably lucky.

I hope my fellow upper-middles are able to sleep well knowing your family gets to eat and you can replace a popped car tire. Well done everyone!

i am 24F, i started full time job 2 years ago.

my current income is around £125k yearly pre-tax. i have around £80k net worth (including internship incomes). most of it is in savings account and 20k + 20k ISA (10% return over past year).

my income next year will be £180-200k yearly. and it will increase by approx 10% each year roughly (if i continue to be in the field i am in - i am a quant and it can eventually get stressful).

i live in london. each month i spend around £1500 in rent + bills. my total average spending per month is approx £3k per month including rent. i am just wondering if it's too much? and i should live below my means? i have been getting too comfortable with income and i don't think while spending a few hundred pounds. please tell me if my mentality is not optimal.

i am aware of lifestyle inflation and i do want to inflate my lifestyle more eventually (stay in a 1 bed apartment). i could also work harder and get paid more. but i think it will make my life worse due to the stress at work and also the stress of getting a higher paying job and having to prep for it all.

i think first of all i should get better at investing. but even beyond that i am wondering if i should be "bothered" about my spending? people around me who earn more than me actually live far below their means and i am not sure if it's a gender thing because they're all males... and i have quite some materialistic desires. wondering if it's worth curbing them. some reality check would be appreciated! thank you.

Edit: I actually do not care if I am ahead of 99% people my age because I worked very hard for this and I made it happen. I will be very honest. People around me earn $300-400k easily and it's the norm. Most of them stay in flatshares and spend very less on activities outside or anything else really. It makes me feel behind. $100k vs $200k when young can compound very differently after 10y+. That's what I am worried about. Whether people have any insights into this.

How much gold you guys are holding at this moment? I'm a 26F, married. I personally have 240 gms of gold which I received on my wedding. And I'll probably inherit more in future. Share about yours.

I I just watched a TikTok video of people in Ohio talking about how disappointed they are with the state of the country. A few people said it feels like they can barely breathe financially anymore and that everything feels out of reach.
I know I’m in my own bubble, so I’m genuinely curious about how much this varies by region. I live in California, and while things are obviously expensive here, most people I know have adjusted to that reality. People still complain about rent, groceries, and gas, and maybe certain purchases get put on hold, but I don’t personally hear people describing life as completely unmanageable in the way I saw in that video.
It made me wonder if the cost of living is experienced differently depending on where you live. For example, does $4 gas in Texas feel similar to $6 gas in California because wages, housing costs, and local economies are different? Or are people in some states genuinely being hit much harder?
I also notice that people online often assume Californians must be struggling because of our prices, but California also has a higher minimum wage than many states. I’m curious how those things balance out in practice.
I’m not trying to make this political or argue that one state is better than another. I’d just like to hear from people in different parts of the U.S. What has your experience been like?

Idk I want to know more and feed my curiousity and questions.

I am currently 48 years old and still left a lot in me.

Working in IT in a head position. I have a house worth 5 cr, savings 30 lacs and gold 30 lacs

I just paid off my home loan last month and will start accumulating wealth now.

I work like hell but at the same time take care of my health.
Is this late?

I dated someone earning around ₹60 LPA at a well-established international product company. On paper, he was exactly the kind of person people on Reddit would call a "dream match."

But here's what I learned.

Salary tells you almost nothing about whether two people are actually compatible.

Money matters. I'm not one of those people who'll say it doesn't. Financial stability is important.

But compatibility matters even more.

Can they communicate when things get difficult?

Can they take a stand when family pressure shows up?

Do your values align?

Do you both want the same kind of life?

Do you genuinely enjoy spending time together outside the excitement of the relationship?

In my case, communication gaps became obvious. Family dynamics became a huge challenge. And after we broke up, the way I was treated changed so much that it completely changed my perception of the relationship.

None of those things were visible from his salary.

I also realised something else. Sometimes you're looking for a partner who wants to explore life, grow together, build experiences, and make certain choices.

The other person may have completely different priorities, responsibilities, or expectations. Neither person is necessarily wrong—but that difference can make you fundamentally incompatible.

Looking back, I don't think our worlds aligned as much as I wanted to believe they did. We were in a long-distance relationship, and whenever we spent extended time together, I slowly realised the chemistry wasn't as effortless as I had imagined.

There wasn't anything dramatically wrong—we just weren't the right fit.

That's why I no longer believe a ₹60 LPA package automatically makes someone a great life partner. It also doesn't mean they're a bad one.

It just means they're someone with a high salary.

Everything else, emotional maturity, values, communication, family dynamics, lifestyle, compatibility, and the ability to stand by your partner, is a completely different conversation.

The only advice I'll give is - when you choose someone, see how they fit your lifestyle, your point of views and family dynamics and if you like them as a husband beyond his package.