FIRE’d comfortably, now helping my post college graduate daughter (25 yo in VHCOL city) I have indicated that we are not paying for her wedding ( in 2 years). Feeling guilty.
TL;DR : We subsidize most of the basic living expenses for our daughter and her fiancé while he is in school. We feel that our daughter will learn a valuable financial experience in saving, budgeting and planning if they pay for their own wedding without our help. Feeling guilty.
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I (63yo F) and husband (64yo) FIRE’d 7 years ago. Our NW is so much higher than expected with investments and we are on track to having way more as time goes on. We are trying to give our sole child (25yoF) $ now when she can benefit most rather than wait until we die. (Yes, we read Die With Zero).
We have always made it clear that we valued education, safe housing, health, and safe transportation when it came to spending money. We fully paid for her undergraduate college education, have fully funded her ROTH once she began working in hs, and continue to fund her ROTH with the excess 529 balance ( and will still have a balance leftover for her future use ). We pay their rent, bought their car ( used), fund their HSAs and Recently we have started an investment account for her for a future home purchase.
We recognize that the economic situation is very challenging for recent non-STEM graduates and our daughter is working part time as a server in a restaurant and at a law office. She moved to a VHCOL state so her fiancé could return to college for engineering. ( They live together and both work pt at the restaurant). She still hasn’t determined what she wants to do with her future, but we aren’t concerned as that will take time.
My daughter has never asked for anything. We have just volunteered because we saw the stress and impact on her mental and physical health when we didn’t initially help after college. She pays off credit cards fully every month. She has no debt. She and her fiancé pay for food, utilities, insurance, gas, pets, and entertainment. Her fiancé is very appreciative and good with financial planning and saving. My daughter is also very appreciative but has no interest in investing and happily spends any windfall $ that comes her way.
We are happy for their future wedding, but it’s not a priority for us ( we paid for our own wedding as poor graduate students back in 1990). We think they will prioritize better the size and cost of their wedding if they have to save and spend their own money. The fiancés family is not in the position to pay.
I go back and forth between feeling guilty and feeling comfortable with this. What do you think?