The Belgian Gazette

Truth in a times of war · Belgium, est. 1830 · 5 October 2026

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PAGE 1

Our correspondent in Ghana

Ghana is where the action is, so that is where the Gazette has sent Patate. One day in, the press badge has been swapped for camouflage, a helmet and a Ghanaian flag patch. He is settling in nicely.

FRONT PAGE · A POLITICAL COLUMN BY PATATE

Let the Zombie Queen Cook

Belgium does not start governments. It slowly discovers them.

Belgium does not start governments

There is an old Belgian political tradition which says that when nobody knows who is governing the country, things are probably going reasonably well. It took Nicol roughly 48 hours to rediscover this principle.

The (wo)man(?) became president almost by accident. He didn't campaign, yet people still voted for him. His own view on the whole situation is hard to argue with: "YOU VOTED FOR SOMEONE WITHOUT A CAMPAIGN."

The first days of the Zombie Queen administration have nevertheless caused mild concern. France has taken Wallonia. Government positions were apparently distributed according to the ancient Belgian administrative principle of does anyone here know a guy? Half the country wanted the-kitten-that-aged-33-years Theopold back. The other half wants Solis. MiBru has somehow become "our only hope."

Nicol would like everyone to calm the fuck down.

>"Y'all acting like first days of any new administration is always smooth and shit. This is still Belgium eh." — Premier Nicol

Never before have wiser words been spoken about our constitutional system. Belgium does not start governments. Belgium slowly discovers them.

Our real-life politicians require eighteen months, six informateurs, three royal interventions and a man from Vilvoorde nobody remembers electing before somebody is allowed to order sandwiches. Nicol has had two days, and people are already asking why the Fr*nch haven't been driven back across the Seine.

One lost battle is not Waterloo II

Yes, we lost Wallonia. That is a pity. However, our strategic priority remains Ghana. This has led to the extraordinary sight of Belgians arguing that losing Wallonia may be acceptable because Ghana is more important. Leopold II would probably rise from his grave purely out of professional curiosity, and maybe to lend a hand or two in the fight (not his, FYI).

Our new president rightly points out:

>"Let's just all keep in mind, that we're winning the fights we're supposed to be winning." — Premier Nicol

The government's focus is Ghana. France is expensive. Mali is moving. Alliances are shifting. Governments have changed everywhere. It is the weekend.

And beneath the Discord smoke, the bounty mathematics and seventeen people simultaneously explaining why everybody else is an idiot, people are actually doing the work. Even Solis, the man who arguably should have won the election, has joined in rather than sulking in a bunker.

France winning one battle does not make it Waterloo II. It makes it one lost battle.

Belgium chose chaos

And perhaps this is the moment to remember Theopold's wisest contribution to Belgian political philosophy:

>"Guys please shame Nicol when the fighting is done, not before." — Theopold, former Premier

Because Belgium chose chaos. Nicol himself has repeatedly reminded us of this. We elected a president who didn't expect to become president and who now occasionally requires assistance from his pregnant partner to answer Discord while driving.

This is not Belgian dysfunction. This is pure Belgian government.

So let the Zombie Queen cook. Give Nicol, Solis, MiBru and the government a few days. Let Ghana play out. Let alliances settle. Let people figure out which minister actually has which Discord permissions. Then we can resume the ancient Belgian democratic tradition of accusing everyone in government of incompetence while absolutely refusing to take their jobs.

And if it all goes wrong?

Well. Solis has already announced he'll run again. Silvergerma will presumably also run again, because apparently he has become the electoral equivalent of The Simpsons: nobody remembers when it started, but cancelling it now would feel wrong. And Nicol still has 25 days to become Belgium's greatest president or produce enough material for thirty more Gazettes.

And remember: Wallonia has survived Burgundians, Habsburgs, Spaniards, Austrians, Dutchmen and approximately nine thousand PS governments. It can survive a weekend with the French.

Keep faith. Keep shooting. Keep Ghana.

— Patate, reporting from Ghana

GOOD NEWS FROM THE GHANA FRONT

Ghana Holds

A 2–1 victory over Burkina Faso, and Portugal's damage goes up in smoke

Our correspondent arrived just in time. Ghana's defence against Burkina Faso has succeeded with a 2–1 victory, with only the second round slipping just out of our hands.

The biggest loser was not Burkina Faso but Portugal. The Portuguese poured 236.18M damage into the attack, more than the other nine attackers combined, and all of it for nothing. Burkina Faso itself managed 11.19M, seventh on its own side. One wonders whose war this was.

On our side, Croatia led with 62.24M, followed closely by the Netherlands with 61.86M. Clearly our Dutch neighbours have laid off the cheese since Wallonia, and we gladly take back everything we said. Well, most of it.

Belgium came third with 54.24M, ahead of Italy (47.38M) and Kyrgyzstan (46.38M). For a country that ran out of paper, Kyrgyzstan appears to have found an entire notebook. Nigeria, Cuba, Ghana itself, South Africa and Hungary completed the defence.

>Keep faith. Keep shooting. Keep Ghana. — Proven correct within 24 hours

The strategy was simple, and yesterday it worked. Wallonia was lost; Ghana was kept. The resistance bar is filling, the iron keeps flowing, and Portugal will need a while to count its losses.

PAGE 2

THE BATTLE FOR WALLONIA

It's Not Us, It's Them

Belgium out-damages the attackers' top three combined, and Wallonia still falls

Wallonia has fallen, and the numbers tell a story every Belgian already suspected. Belgium put 131.7M damage into the defence. That is more than the top three attackers combined: Sweden (42.18M), France (39.64M) and Congo (29.01M) managed 110.83M between them.

Our allies stood with us, and we thank them. Turkiye (16.64M) and Poland (15.69M) led the way, followed by the United Arab Emirates, Luxembourg, Azerbaijan and, from our correspondent's new home, Ghana with 5.56M. Our Dutch neighbours came in tenth with 3.54M. We suspect one cheese too many; next time we will send them a cone of proper Belgian fries for energy. Even Kyrgyzstan showed up with 3.25M, which suggests they have found some paper after all.

But at least eleven nations lined up against us, from Senegal and Iran to Mali, the United Kingdom, Finland, Norway, Yemen and Sierra Leone. We tried. The aid that came was simply not enough to counter the hate we are receiving from our enemies.

>It's not us. It's them. — Belgium, on the Fr*nch and friends

The battle was also cheaper than it looks. Minister of Economy De_Nederbelg shared the latest figures, showing that 47.59% of the money we spent on the battle flowed back to Belgian players. And that does not even include those currently tending to our overseas areas. Our defence ledger records 131,696,294 damage and 4,956.43 BTC. France's own ledger shows 39,644,975 damage and 942.61 BTC. Belgium did more than three times the damage and brought home more than five times the BTC. France, meanwhile, spent more money, got less for it, and did not even manage to keep it within their own country.

Not everyone was convinced this matters. On Discord, NoKoffiekoekenForYou asked whether it really makes a difference if money leaves the country, as long as it stays within the alliance. De_Nederbelg answered that we still try to keep a healthy ratio. France's flowback, he added, stands at 6.62%, which is laughable no matter how you look at it. And they make less money than we do.

So we may have lost a battle, but we will win the war. At this rate we will bleed the French treasury dry, until they are forced to sell the Eiffel Tower for scrap to make guns for the defence of Paris, once we are back at its gates.

Belgium will not give up. The resistance bar for Wallonia is already filling, and we will soon be back to rid the map of that blue stain once again.

FOR THOSE WITH A LIFE

Civil War Cancelled

Yesterday's Discord debate in five minutes

Yesterday evening Belgian Discord did what it does best. There was more complaining than usual, even by Belgian standards, and for a moment it looked as though Marvel could film a Civil War sequel on location. The subject: money, bounties, and who should get them.

Waff ex-TaxmanGodx opened fire. Belgian MUs were left empty on battles with poor rates, he argued, while good rates went to allies who had given us bad ones. Belgian money should go mostly to Belgian damage and Belgian MUs.

Gilhil was unimpressed: the previous term had the same problem, with cores lost every other day because of the piggybank. The only difference, he said, is who did it. Then it was the Germans; now it is the clowns.

Theopold, from his retirement basket, noted that he received complaints on 2 out of 30 days, and that Nicol has already reached that score.

MrJack offered an honest confession. When making money, he often doesn't adjust his gear for bounties, but in major battles he fights even at a net loss. Theopold called that understandable and explained the catch: the top damage MUs often can't take contracts from their own country, because their members sit in government. If everyone adjusted their gear every time, Belgian max damage would rise to unseen heights.

His core argument: the money is not the problem. The problem is paying it to people who don't use it to do more damage. Keeping players from going broke while flying jets, and turning that into 200M damage, is a clear win. A rate like 0.07 exists because we need people shooting with better gear, or we lose. He then went to bed. Night night.

Minister of Economy De_Nederbelg added one point not to forget: Belgians who can shoot with better gear also reach a higher rank faster. Better-paid soldiers become stronger soldiers, and stronger soldiers make a stronger nation.

The final verdict came just before midnight. araminou concluded it was all the fault of the rich, just like IRL. MrJack corrected: not the rich, but the greed present in everyone.

And then, Belgians being Belgians, the civil war never came. Instead, everyone reached the conclusion your editor usually reaches himself: I could do better. And so they registered for Congress.

The candidates, and what they stand for, are on page 3.

PAGE 3

CONGRESS ELECTIONS

Nineteen and Counting

Who is running, and what they stand for, if they told us

Nineteen candidates have registered for Congress so far, and counting.

The candidates

MBKA: MrJack, Gilhil, Chaplain_Carakas
PISS: AkimboPanda, PiratePiss, Balthazar_Boma, Sod75, Vici
DCP: Pommelsmurf_Thijs, De_Nederbelg
MRW: Birow, LodewijkJ-Bakker, Rex_Ferrum, ExuTrioz
Achteruit: Silvergerma, Karbonkel, Cool_Breeze
BAP: Riverblade
Purple Reign: Slosse_de_Kerel

Not every candidate wanted to spend money on a campaign. Some chose a very modern, Discord-only approach, presumably reasoning that anyone serious about WarEra has Discord anyway. Pommelsmurf_Thijs and yours truly published both traditionally and on Discord.

Chaplain_Carakas · MBKA

"Your chaplain in Congress." Full disclosure: this one is written by your editor.

Fellow Belgians,

I'm running for a second term in Congress. Since my last campaign I've also taken on The Belgian Gazette. Both jobs come down to the same promise: you should know what's happening in your country.

Informed. I'll keep sharing as much as I can about what goes on in Congress. Some things are confidential, and I respect that. My colleagues know that when I'm unsure whether something can be shared, I ask first. I was grateful that our previous president mentioned this in his farewell speech. It's the standard I want to keep.

Discussed. This is my main point. Too often we vote for something because that's what we always do, or because everyone else seems to be voting that way. That isn't governing. A proposal deserves real discussion before it gets a vote: what it does, who it helps, what it costs, and what we might be missing. If a law can't survive a few honest questions, it shouldn't pass. Every law should also have a filled-in description. This can be brief, but the basic reason for the law should be known without having to check Discord.

Trusted. Openness only works if people can trust you with sensitive information. I'll keep both commitments: transparency towards you, and discretion where it's truly needed.

You may know me as your chaplain. This election, I'm asking to stay your congressman too. If you want a Congress that thinks before it votes, I'd be honoured to have your support again.

Vote Chaplain_Carakas.

Your editor notes, with some pride, that his Congress announcements are the only articles he writes with a positive upvote ratio. His chaplain work gets support, but is still mostly downvoted. He keeps going anyway. Apparently Belgians prefer their chaplain on the ballot rather than in the pulpit, but he is not giving up on either.

Gilhil · MBKA

At last, a candidate who promises beer. Premier, take notes.

"I am Gilhil, and I seek a seat in the Congress! Because prosperity and security begin with taking care of those who defend our homeland.

We will protect our farms, towns, and workshops, strengthen the Treasury, and ensure that our realm has the resources to sustain its forces. And when our armies march abroad on the Queen's expeditions, they will know that the homeland has not forgotten them.

Every soldier at the front deserves a full ration, reliable supplies, and, by decree of the Treasury, a free Trappist beer ration.

Strong coffers. Secure borders. Prosperous towns. Well-supplied soldiers.

For Queen Nicol, for Belgium, and for every soldier with a muddy pair of boots: Gilhil stands ready to serve."

MrJack · MBKA

The Gazette's educated guess

Editor's note: MrJack has not yet published a platform for this election. In the spirit of good journalism, the Gazette has made some educated guesses based on his last campaign. Any resemblance to his actual plans is purely coincidental.

Last month MrJack promised a governor for our conquered territories. Promise kept: we got a governor. Unfortunately, the conquered territory was Fr*nce, and Fr*nce has since un-conquered itself. Belgium now has a governor of nothing, which may be the most Belgian institution ever invented. We expect this month's platform to include a plan to retake Fr*nce, purely so the governor has something to do.

The goal of 400 citizens will surely return. With half the country now working in Ghana, we suspect it will be redefined as 200 in Belgium and 200 in Accra.

His last campaign opened with "I had a dream… but I don't remember it anymore." We are confident this month's dream will be just as memorable.

And the campaign song, paid for with your taxes, as he cheerfully admitted? For now he is still running on last month's track, which is, frankly, so last month. A man who commissioned his own banger can surely afford a remix. Until then, the original.

Vici · PISS

"Vici back in congress"

A strong economy starts with clear choices. The PISS Party stands for a future where hard work is rewarded, businesses can grow, and the government manages money wisely.

We do not believe in empty promises, but in plans that are clear, sustainable, and future-oriented. But I know I made a mistake. Piss, sorry.

Balthazar_Boma · PISS

Funded by the proceeds of, by his own account, the best sausages in the country

BOMA: "Ladies and gentlemen… Boma is running again. We had a tremendous first run. Tremendous. Historic. Frankly, nobody did Congress like Boma."

BOMA: "People said, 'Boma, you already won once. Why come back?' I said: Because I look fantastic."

He adjusts his glasses.

BOMA: "The moustache is bigger. The suit is better. The hair is… questionable. But we're going to win."

A reporter shouts: "What happens if you lose?" Boma pauses.

BOMA: "Lose? I don't lose. But if, by some terrible, horrible, absolutely unbelievable mistake, I don't win… I'm selling the football field. Yes. The whole thing. Grass, goals, everything. Gone. So you better vote for Boma, because apparently you people like football."

BOMA: "Boma is back. Believe me. Congress has never looked this good."

Let's just hope he doesn't replace the Red Devils with De Kampioenen if he gets elected.

Pommelsmurf_Thijs · DCP

Four terms and still not burned out. Will a fifth do the trick?

Dear Belgians,

I'm running for a fifth term in Congress. Most of you already know me, what I stand for, and the work I try to do, so I'll keep this one short again.

My priorities remain the same: a strong Belgian economy, a sustainable warmachine, useful projects for our players, B.D.S.M. education, and a country with the resources, tools and guidance it needs to function properly.

One thing I would like to focus on more this term is having the Government make better use of the people, experience and perspectives Belgians elected to Congress to represent them.

The President, Ministers and Departments need the freedom to do their jobs. Not every decision needs a lengthy debate, and some things need to happen behind closed doors. But when decisions, or NAPs, have major economic, military or strategic consequences for Belgian players, Congress should have the opportunity to be informed, discuss them, ask questions and provide input where useful. Where appropriate, Congress should also be able to give its approval or oppose an outcome before it is final. Congress should be part of Belgian decision-making, not simply the place where laws are rubber-stamped afterwards.

So let's make Congress a Congress again.

Beyond that, I'll continue doing what I've done throughout my previous terms: contribute where I can, support useful initiatives, ask questions when needed, and work with people across Belgium regardless of party or position.

Still willing to work. Still willing to listen and vote. Still hoping for you to fill in my box. Still convinced Belgium works best when we all work together. Still not burned out from politics ~~yet.~~

Vote Pommelsmurf_Thijs. Vote De Centen Partij.

De_Nederbelg · DCP

Discord only, and proud of the savings

De_Nederbelg is so modern that he has skipped traditional media altogether and saved his money. But unlike the silent candidates, he did at least tell us what he stands for. We all know the dangers of not doing so: that is how we got our current president.

Dear Belgians,

Back to back MoE, so I think by now you all know what you are getting from me. Another month, another Congress election, and once again I am running for De Centen Partij.

My priorities remain simple: money, stability, results. Belgium needs a strong economy, reliable policies, and a Congress that actually gets things done.

After serving another term as Minister of Economy, I have gained a lot of new experience and also faced plenty of new obstacles along the way. As my term went on, I kept running into decisions where I simply did not have enough information or proof to confidently make the right choice. Because of that, my own WarEra tools kept expanding. And now I am armed with more information than ever, with the data to back up my choices and decisions.

No long speech this month. Volle stoem veurooët.

Vote for De_Nederbelg. Vote for De Centen Partij.

LodewijkJ-Bakker · MRW

Discord only, and back from the retirement home. Belgium's retirement homes appear to be emptying fast.

Dear Belgians,

Last month, we finally accomplished our endgoal: keeping Fr*nce off the map and under Belgian control, where it belongs. However, even on the first day of this new government we already gave up on our rightful Fr*nch territories.

Therefore, even though I vowed never to do this again, I am now ready to give up on my spot in the retirement home and guide Belgium in the correct direction from congress.

As a seasoned politician I know very well what is important and what not, and therefore I can make very clear promises. I will only interfere on the following 4 subjects:

Keeping Fr*nce under Belgian control
No PISS colour
No fucking NAPs
Minimal (or preferably abolished) taxes

If any of these would contradict each other, I will keep to the order on the list. On any unrelated discussion I vow not to interfere or cast any vote.

Whoever supports this, feel free to vote for me. Not because I want to, but because Belgium needs it.

LGB

Riverblade · BAP

Published in four languages: Dutch, French, German and English. Four times the effort, four times the time.

Fellow countrymen,

They say politics is dirty. That every handshake has a price and every promise an expiry date. The Belgian Anti-Corruption Party says: it can be different. It must be different.

Corruption? We'll put an end to it. The backroom deals, the brown envelopes, the cronyism that has decided over our heads for far too long: all a thing of the past. Transparency will be the rule, not the exception. Anyone who sells out the common good for personal gain will have to answer to us.

(A small footnote, in all honesty: the above naturally does not apply to me. A good leader simply needs a little room to manoeuvre. Think of it as a strategic reserve, in your interest, of course.)

But the real problem runs deeper, and it does not lie in Brussels. It lies beyond our borders.

How much longer will we let ourselves be dragged along? Time and again our alliance calls us away from the fights on our own soil. Our men, our resources, our attention, sacrificed for foreign ambitions while the Belgian cause waits. That is not an alliance. That is a chain.

Belgium first. Not out of hostility, but out of common sense. A country that will not defend its own house has no voice at the international table. We choose our own battles. We set our own priorities. And we act beyond the border only when it serves our interests, not those of some distant headquarters.

A vote for Riverblade is a vote for clean government, a strong Belgium, and a congressman who dares to say what others only dare to think.

Vote BAP. Vote for yourself. Vote for home.

The first anti-corruption platform in history to come with its own corruption clause. It is also the first candidate this month to question the Ghana strategy, so readers who just finished page 1 may want to compare notes.

Slosse_de_Kerel · Purple Reign

Candidate number 19, and refreshingly honest

Slosse_de_Kerel won't be writing an article, he told the Gazette, because writing simply isn't his thing. Fair enough: honesty is a rare campaign promise these days.

His reasons for running are refreshingly simple. He's there as mental support for Solis, and because nobody else in Purple Reign wanted to be a candidate. He doesn't quite know what to expect, but he promises to do his best.

In a race where some candidates promise beer, governors and football fields, a man who simply promises to show up and try may be the most believable candidate of all.

The following candidates have not yet told us what they stand for: AkimboPanda, PiratePiss and Sod75 (PISS); Birow, Rex_Ferrum and ExuTrioz (MRW); and Silvergerma, Karbonkel and Cool_Breeze (Achteruit). That is nine of nineteen. The pages of the Gazette remain open, and voters would love to know what they are voting for. Remember what happened last time.

#BelgianGazette #WallonieTerug #KeepGhana #Congress2026

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