r/WorkingParents

So I really need some advice. It may seem simple to some honestly Its a tricky one.

My partner has a cousin. The cousin let's call him Fred has lived with his partner let's call her Rhonda for the past 8 years.

They live in a house in a nice town in Surrey. They live in Rhondas dads house.

Her dad still lives there.

Rhonda and her dad have not had it easy. She has a brother who has moved miles away and they barely speak with anymore. He moved in with his boyfriend a few years ago.

Rhonda and Fred met at work and both worked in child services.

Rhonda went on maternity to have her first baby with Fred.

Fred has always had a very complicated relationship with his mother who lives in a council flat in London.

Apparently Fred is on her Tenancy and used to pay her rent until he stopped when he found out Rhonda was pregnant.

Now Rhonda had the first baby and didn't return to work.

She stayed at home and claimed benefits.

This is where it starts to go left.

Rhonda shows off about Fred's job and his wages.

They show off that they live rent free in her dad's house only giving money for the odd bill.

They show off they have got a fancy car. Infact 2 fancy cars.

And she claimes benefits. He lives with her. And I believe she has said she pays rent to her dad and gets a decent amount of money on the assumption she is a single mum and Fred is not living with her.

She then after a couple years had baby 2.

At this point Fred gets made redundant and gets a nice payout and immediately finds a job again very well paid over 70k and she bigs it up massively.

Rhonda however still claims.

They still show off. She says they want to put 2nd baby into 15 hours free childcare next year but she will have to prove her work if 16 hours.

She plans to say she is working for her dad for 16 hours a week to qualify and just fiddle the books let's say. I imagine the plan is he pays her something and Fred pays it back from his personal account.

So I ask her.... why claim if Fred is making such good money.

She said....we dont want to pay from our own pocket.

This is where i get annoyed.

Very annoyed actually.

As myself and partner have to work and still pay for nursery fees and dont get extra.

Lots of parents at the school suffer working with little left over and paying for childcare ect.

And then they say its ok he is registered at his mums so no proof he is living there.

They plan for baby 3.

I just feel this is slightly appalling as they dont even have to pay rent.

Her dad also took out equity on the house to get the kitchen re done.

They dont even look after the house.

Don't paint or decorate and it feels so selfish of them.

Rhonda says when her friemds ask why they dont move she scoffs and says why would she they get to live there for free and save money. But that money is benefits.

And its in Fred's account they have savings.

She says its not fraud.

But it appears to be.

I was going to leave it and let it run its course.

What would you do?

I understand that wages have to stretch so far and its hard on one salary and I understand people do things to get by and some people genuinely do need the help and can claim as a couple or need that little bit extra if they private rent ect.

But to show off and rub it in is unpleasant.

So I suppose its a post to vent and post to get others opinions

The title captures it. I tried so hard to fit myself into the mold of happy SAHM who embraces the career break and enjoys the special moments with her littles. It all just made sense-my husband makes 2x my salary so we could afford to have me stay home, I could be present for all of my children’s firsts, and truly make the most of this season of my life…right?

Instead, the past several years I’ve been left doubting my decision and trying to convince myself that being a SAHM was the best thing for me and them, I could always go back to work but never get these moments back with my kids, and the like. But instead, I’m left feeling guilty of the unshakeable feeling that I just don’t enjoy being a SAHM. The days are long and often unforgiving, and while there are always moments of laughter and joy somewhere in the day, the other moments are trying to keep everyone happy, fed, clean, and avoid any meltdowns. I’m constantly on high alert and can’t let my guard down while watching them due to both of my kids being very young.

So here I am, finally on Reddit, admitting that it’s not for me. I am lined up to return to work full time soon and kids will be going to daycare….and yet I’m feeling MASSIVE guilt and worry over this decision because I just worry about the kids adjusting, getting sick constantly, feeling sad that I am leaving them with a new person for hours each day, what if they hate it, et cetera. My work doesn’t offer a part time capacity but I have a great opportunity and don’t want to pass it up as I don’t imagine this role comes up often. I want to feel happy for the chance to take this role (truly a dream job) and yet knowing I wasn’t able to fully be happy as a SAHM is a sad realization.

I’m not sure what I’m seeking here but maybe solidarity? Anyone’s experiences with staying home with kids and then choosing to return to work, and the outcome of that?

Thanks to any parents who can offer advice, experiences, or solidarity.

I am the working parent. Frankly, work is the break and I did not think much of the distribution of labour. Until I was unwell with a cold and worked from home.

I was a little taken aback to see how little happened when I am at work. We have daycare, and a cleaner every couple of weeks. I am not sure what I imagined happened while I was at work, but it has hit me rather hard.