u/PonderingMom

The title captures it. I tried so hard to fit myself into the mold of happy SAHM who embraces the career break and enjoys the special moments with her littles. It all just made sense-my husband makes 2x my salary so we could afford to have me stay home, I could be present for all of my children’s firsts, and truly make the most of this season of my life…right?

Instead, the past several years I’ve been left doubting my decision and trying to convince myself that being a SAHM was the best thing for me and them, I could always go back to work but never get these moments back with my kids, and the like. But instead, I’m left feeling guilty of the unshakeable feeling that I just don’t enjoy being a SAHM. The days are long and often unforgiving, and while there are always moments of laughter and joy somewhere in the day, the other moments are trying to keep everyone happy, fed, clean, and avoid any meltdowns. I’m constantly on high alert and can’t let my guard down while watching them due to both of my kids being very young.

So here I am, finally on Reddit, admitting that it’s not for me. I am lined up to return to work full time soon and kids will be going to daycare….and yet I’m feeling MASSIVE guilt and worry over this decision because I just worry about the kids adjusting, getting sick constantly, feeling sad that I am leaving them with a new person for hours each day, what if they hate it, et cetera. My work doesn’t offer a part time capacity but I have a great opportunity and don’t want to pass it up as I don’t imagine this role comes up often. I want to feel happy for the chance to take this role (truly a dream job) and yet knowing I wasn’t able to fully be happy as a SAHM is a sad realization.

I’m not sure what I’m seeking here but maybe solidarity? Anyone’s experiences with staying home with kids and then choosing to return to work, and the outcome of that?

Thanks to any parents who can offer advice, experiences, or solidarity.

The title captures it. I tried so hard to fit myself into the mold of happy SAHM who embraces the career break and enjoys the special moments with her littles. It all just made sense-my husband makes 2x my salary so we could afford to have me stay home, I could be present for all of my children’s firsts, and truly make the most of this season of my life…right?

Instead, the past several years I’ve been left doubting my decision and trying to convince myself that being a SAHM was the best thing for me and them, I could always go back to work but never get these moments back with my kids, and the like. But instead, I’m left feeling guilty of the unshakeable feeling that I just don’t enjoy being a SAHM. The days are long and often unforgiving, and while there are always moments of laughter and joy somewhere in the day, the other moments are trying to keep everyone happy, fed, clean, and avoid any meltdowns. I’m constantly on high alert and can’t let my guard down while watching them due to both of my kids being very young.

So here I am, finally on Reddit, admitting that it’s not for me. I am lined up to return to work full time soon and kids will be going to daycare….and yet I’m feeling MASSIVE guilt and worry over this decision because I just worry about the kids adjusting, getting sick constantly, feeling sad that I am leaving them with a new person for hours each day, what if they hate it, et cetera. My work doesn’t offer a part time capacity but I have a great opportunity and don’t want to pass it up as I don’t imagine this role comes up often. I want to feel happy for the chance to take this role (truly a dream job) and yet knowing I wasn’t able to fully be happy as a SAHM is a sad realization.

I’m not sure what I’m seeking here but maybe solidarity? Anyone’s experiences with staying home with kids and then choosing to return to work, and the outcome of that?

Thanks to any parents who can offer advice, experiences, or solidarity.