r/cosmicmessenger

Now, what is love
baby dont hurt me.
Onto you this trying not to shove,
but deep emotions to you admit i need.

Everone else speaks of this wonder,
and i know how badly you want it too.
With you it feels like drug i go under,
and only cure for this poison is more you.

I speak of an emotion know i cant prove,
in me feels like ceaseless hunger and thirst.
My heart is moving to your rhythm and groove,
and glad that i found in this world you first.

When i admit that i truly only do love you,
and you assume i propably say that to everyone.
Then you would be right because i kind of do,
telling everyone i love you and are my only one.

Already forgot how intense my emotions are now,
and if this is how normal heart is supposed to feel.
How badly i wanna say it and you really have no clue,
and getting close to you makes me silently squeal.

So for this one time i beg and pray for you,
to just trust my word and this foolish admission.
Because i already wanna be stuck with you like glue,
and there's no one better for my emotional nutrition.

I truly mean all this feeling inside,
wanting to burst for you like volcano.
Admitting it makes me feel i already died,
but the worst thing you can say is no.

Beauty in everything  

I want to see all the beauty in this world 
More flowers, butterflies, sunsets, and rainbows
People holding hands walking in the market 
Hills and mountain tops 
I want to watch the birds 
Maybe take a few flights
And talk to new people 
It’s not about what you have in this life
It’s about the memories you make
And the experiences you have 
I want more 
But wanting is longing which is wasteful 
What's so wrong with a little lust?
Maybe throw in some envy 
These traits are always inside us
It’s okay to be you 
You’re perfect just the way you are 

Your passing holds no interest 
For again I carry on
Empty on the inside
I await another dawn. 

Endless searching for another
A substitute at best
Someone I pretend is you
In hopes that I may rest. 

Their arms offer no comfort
No solace in their touch
I pretend they all are you 
The one I miss so much. 

We’re getting the band back together.

That is all.

Welcome back old friends. And enemies. You’ve been missed. The place just ain’t the same without you.

Evil Lord M

All signs pointed to you 
In the intrinsic constellations painted in the sky
And the shooting stars above me
Even in the rabbit you sent as an omen 
The signs were there all along 
In the dog you finally decided to get
That saw me as an ally 
He remembered me as I remembered you 
I saw you in the water like Narrsicus 
In every song I listened to
You were whispering the secrets of life
In every piece of art I was shown 
I saw all the connections
And in between everything you never said 
I saw you in the people I was connecting to
In the abandoned buildings longing for comfort 
I also saw you in the mirror 
I was worried you were trapped in
Where I knew I needed to liberate your soul
So I broke you into 10,000 little pieces 
And released you back into the world 
Bringing you back to the life you deserve 
Showing you that peace and happiness are attainable 
I hope you get the ending you’ve been searching for

“you must either imitate or loathe the world”

::::::::::::::::::::::: O ::::::::::::::::::::::::

I struggle to color inside the lines, so to speak.

I enjoy thinking both inside and outside the 📦 box.

Telling me I can’t do something makes me want to do it even more.

This mentality has been both blessing and curse.

I was told once I could not stay sober unless I was in this program by an AA Facilitator who is still here, working his program.

After voicing my frustration with his lack of understanding the complexity of mental illness and how it affects addiction and alcoholism, I left the meeting and exited the program.

I’ve thought about attending his meeting, held Thursday nights and telling him thanks for his advice. 🤪

However, I am more satisfied allowing him to believe I have failed…

::::::::::::::::::::::: O ::::::::::::::::::::::::

"I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures." - Lao Tzu

Lonely is a muse - Halsey lyrics

I spent years becoming cool
And in one single second you can make a decade of my efforts disappear
I'm just waiting at the bar and you rip open all my scars
By saying something like, "Didn't know you were here"
I always knew I was a martyr and that Jesus was one too
But I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew
And I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you
Or anybody that decides that I'm of use
Lonely is the muse
Ah
Lonely is the muse
So, where do I go in the process when I'm just an apparatus?
I've inspired platinum records, I've earned platinum airline status
And I've mined a couple diamonds from the stories in my head
But I'm reduced to just a body here in someone else's bed
I always knew I was a martyr and that Jesus was one too
But I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew
And I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you
Or anybody that decides that I'm of use
Lonely is the muse
Ah
Lonely is the muse
Ah
And I will always be a martyr, I will fill your life with songs
I'll be a wind chime in the window, catching life you throw around
And I will tear apart your bedroom, I'll call you in the night
I will exist in every second just to decorate your life
And when you're done, you can discard me like the others always do
And I will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new
I will always reassemble to fit perfectly in you
For anybody that decides that I'm of use
Lonely is the muse
Ah
Lonely is the muse
Ah
Lonely is the muse
Lonely and forgotten aside

There is something
terribly wrong
with my heart.

I claimed
its thirteen and a half
hollows
could be used
as rooms
for the
unavailable.

Places where
'souls would
bump into each other,'
temporarily
documented.

"Give me
absolutely
everything
inside you."

For a while.

I awoke the other day sobbing. My dream was stuck in a time loop from childhood. Exactly 2 weeks after my 9th birthday.

In an apartment complex somewhere in Sherman oaks California as I played with my friend and neighbor a loud explosion could be heard for blocks.

For us it was right there, just outside the apartment walls.

It rended silence from what was a bustling community only moments before. And what came next haunts my dreams to this very day.

Every tenant at home that day came out of their homes and peered through the gate at the bellowing clouds of black smoke and the air felt electrified in its unfamiliar silence.

That silence would instantly be shattered by screams of agony so harrowing that they sounded demonic yet familiar in a way that made them primal.

Just as quick as the hush had blanketed the area, burning embers and sparks fell all around. It could’ve been magical had it not been immediately followed by smoldering metal fragments.

I heard a loud “CRACK!” And saw what appeared to be an entire fender that had struck the makeshift lid to a sand box where most of us kids would congregate.

In the California heat that dry wood went up like a tinderbox with the younger group of children caught beneath.

As I grabbed at the small hands reaching out of the sand and smoke, the large object that struck the box caught my eye.

~yellow , *lemon yellow, capri yellow .

A shriek. I snapped out of my color trance and began to beat out the embers in a girls hair while tugging at her arm.

I noticed the man that kept most of the adults in complex “elevated”, just leaning against a palm tree, watching. Why wasn’t he helping?

I reached again for another tiny set of hands when I realized that the continuous shrieks were getting closer. And that’s when I saw the figure of a person staggering toward the gate from the parking area.

I froze. The world went silent once more as the high pitched ringing in my ears drowned out the sound.

There was smoke trailing off of what was left their hair. The clothing adorned by them was melted into their skin and a look of utter shock, a vacant stare was floating crossed their face.

It was my mom.

I turned away from the small voices and tried to push my way through the people that had gathered around, but, I couldn’t leave the others. But I couldn’t not go to my mother.

Two other people came , lifted the lid and smoke bellowed out. “One more” I told myself , the clanging, the murmuring of voices, the smell of burnt flesh and hair all came to the forefront of my senses in that moment.
I was grabbed by a stranger and hauled off toward the front of the complex where the ambulance was pulling up.

All I could do was shout “no! One more!” As if complying made it all reality…. But it was reality.

And I was never able to get that one more. Some days it echos from my core “one more”

I just
want
To help

ONE MORE.

I never knew how they faired. I never knew their fate.

My mother suffered 3rd and 4th degree burns over 60% of her body that day.

But I’m out of time for now. I have to go to work.

Another favorite for dancing from Ms. Valencia Grace, just like me, never once subtle when it cums to our sexuality...or enthusiastic bed dancing routine!😻

EDIT: I don't mean to offend anyone with the religious terminology of this song. I would like to know if it bothers anyone, I have no problem removing it from Cosmic and reposting to my profile or otherwise addressing the issue.🩷