r/growfromtrauma

Hey redditors! I want you to know that if you need someone to hear you out, someone to tell you you’re not crazy or sensitive, or if you feel drawn to sharing your story and experiences, this is the place!!! 💛
I felt empowered to start sharing my story, so you can find that post in r/growfromtrauma as well as strategies I have learned to cope. I kinda just felt a pull, like it was the right time for me. Now, I want to post all the therapy concepts I learn here that I find useful and the goal is to have this subreddit be one big collection of people’s experiences and tips! Please share this with people you think would benefit or be interested if you’re comfortable sharing.
Remember, you will heal, even if healing means achieving just stability. That stability becomes your new normal, and the ups and downs will smooth out. The jumps will get smaller and smaller. You will heal 💛

I was born into an extremely politically conservative, extremely evangelical Christian household who happened to follow the twisted and abusive teachings of James Dobson. Thankfully, this man is deceased, but unfortunately his books still influence this world.
If you don’t know who he is, dobson is basically a Christian evangelist who believed in “spare the rod, spoil the child” literally and not figuratively. He claimed that children as young as 15 months old and more were inherently evil and defiant. He also strongly believed in corporal punishment and informed parents to spank their children as young as 15 months old. They were generally believed to be allowed to cry for a few minutes. If they cried too long, guess what??? They get another spanking.
My parents used to beat me and slap my older brother and I with whatever they could use at the time. Belts, spoons, hands, whipping with towels, and rulers and rubber bands on our hands. I grew up hearing the same labels stuck onto me: defiant (the most common), selfish, sensitive, a witch, bratty, disrespectful, stubborn, stupid, self-centered, egotistical. I heard phrases like “the world doesn’t revolve around you,” “you’re being defiant. Tell me what that word means” (before they beat me), “take a joke,” “you’re being a brat,” “then stop making me mad!”
They used to have locks on our doors in elementary school out of our reach on the outside of the door. They would lock us in there for a few hours each day and call it “quiet play time.” I remember being up there for some long, I had to pee in my trash can. I screamed, cried, banged on the walls and doors, stomped the floor, but no one heard me. And guess what??? I got beat for that.
I remember having to plug my ears when I heard the screams of my brother. So. Many. Times. There was one time where I just couldn’t handle it, and I stomped my foot so hard I was rolling on the floor in pain. And when they were done with my brother, the came and tried to beat me WHILE I was rolling in pain. If I shielded my behind, they would strike my fragile hands. I wasn’t allowed to look behind me either, so every strike scared the absolute shit out of me. The absolute shit.
I had no privacy, no respect. They went through my phone regularly. They took the things I used as outlets away as punishment like my phone, earbuds, music, my AI alexa thingy, my stuffed animals which were dear to me — one by one I watched as my sources of comfort and familiarity were taken away from me. They even threatened to take my door off if I didn’t leave it halfway open, at least.
My fucking mother was a narcissistic control freak, and my father can’t control his temper to save his fucking life. I was forced to get straight A’s ever since I started school in 1st grade. And I did… I even graduated high school as valedictorian. I played the flute for seven years, collected medals and trophies. I was always exhausted. Always. My mother once threatened to pull me out of school if I didn’t obey her. I was rank 2 in my class at the time, and had amazing grades. She actually wanted to ruin my future just because she wanted full control…
And we can’t forget the public shaming too! 😅Yelling and striking us in public. I used to try so hard not to cry in public, or to get the red mark off my face before going into restaurants. It was utterly humiliating.
I cannot stop hearing the screams, reliving flashbacks and body sensations over and over. Flashbacks and pure rage episodes during the day that last for hours on end. The longest one was 11 hours long throughout the night, just of me laughing and crying at the same time, shaking with invincible rage. I must’ve looked like an absolute psychopath, like the girl at the end of chainsaw massacre. Nightmares at night too. There is no real peace, only fleeting moments.
And the paranoia… I think every car that passes by me now is gonna shoot me. Every stranger that stares is a threat. I know how to think like a soldier. How to detect something that needs to be… removed because they are stressing me out. I nicknamed these episodes as “soldier mode.” I wonder what I would do if laws didn’t apply to me. My episodes got so bad that I had to admit myself into a psychiatric behavioral hospital for a week.
Now, I am on such a high dose of anxiety medication and I have major depression, GAD, C-PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder (bpd), and ADHD all combining and swirling to form a debilitating storm inside me.
I am going to therapy, taking medications, and yet my parents still deny what happened. I had an hour and a half long phone call with my parents of me trying to explain what was happening to me, and that ended with this: “well, we disciplined you, but I don’t believe we ever abused you. We’ll have to agree to disagree.” And “well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but that’s not what I believe happened. We had no intention of abusing you.”
Well, what the hell else is there now to explain how fucked up I am? James Dobson is a sick and twisted person, and I so wish I could’ve crucified him. All of the people that do what I went through to their children. All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children.
I am healing now. I am more self aware and educated than ever now, and my empathy and discernment have grown exponentially from my own trauma reflection; from facing the horrors of my ENTIRE LIFE. It all started when I was 15 months old….

Thank you for taking the time to read this 💛 You are not alone out here, and you will heal.

Your physical health and mind are closely linked. A healthy lifestyle improves mental health and makes it easier to manage difficult emotions. Use the acronym PLEASE to remind yourself of five healthy habits.

PL - Treat physical illness
E - Eat healthy
A - Avoid mood-altering drugs
S - Sleep well
E - Exercise

Most people who hear ten complements and one criticism will focus on that single negative comment. Learning to recognize the positive aspects of a situation can help improve your mood.

Practice paying attention to positive events by doing so purposefully for a short period every day. Choose an activity that’s generally enjoyable and make a point to focus on the positives (without getting hung up on negative details). Try these ideas to get started:

- Have a good, unrushed meal
- Watch a movie
- Visit with friends or family
- Visit a local attraction like a zoo or museum
- Go for a walk
- Put on headphones and do nothing but listen to music
- Have a picnic
- Give yourself a relaxing night in
- Try a new hobby

Try to be specific about what you focus on. Make sure it is positive and beneficial to you in some way. Try thinking about lessons learned during a movie, or specific nice things about the picnic. Practicing gratefulness by naming what you are grateful for also pairs nicely with this exercise. I would recommend doing both simultaneously! For example, practice identifying the good things about the action you pick and state that you are grateful for them. On a picnic, you might choose to be grateful that the sun is shining brightly while actively deciding to ignore the ants crawling in the grass nearby.

After some practice, try extending the positive outlook to more and more situations in your life. To challenge yourself, try it during situations you usually don’t enjoy. Use this positive outlook as a coping skill to regulate emotions during negative or trying times and events.