r/ispeakthelanguage

I (30M) recently moved into a new apartment complex in a very diverse part of the city. My next-door neighbor, let's call her "Mrs. G," is an adorable, 70-something-year-old woman who mostly speaks Spanish. She's always very sweet to me, offering me food and asking about my day in broken, kind English. I've never let on that I speak a word of Spanish, mostly because my accent is terrible and I'm shy about it, but I can understand it perfectly.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to get a new haircut. I'm a guy with a pretty big, curly head of hair, and I got it cut short for the summer. It was a big change.

So, I'm walking back to my apartment, and I run into Mrs. G in the hallway. She looks me up and down, and her face is just this mask of pure, unadulterated horror. She's trying to smile, but it's more like a grimace of pain. She puts her hand on my arm and says in English, "Oh! You... look very... nice. Different!"

As soon as I say "Thank you, Mrs. G!" and start walking away, she turns to her friend who is with her and launches into a rapid-fire rant in Spanish, clearly thinking I'm out of earshot.

I can hear her crystal clear:
"Ay, Dios mio! Has visto su cabeza? Es un desastre! Parece una oveja que se pelo en una batalla de tijeras. Pobrecito! Era tan hermoso con su cabello largo y ahora parece un soldado en el dia de la peluqueria. Un soldado muy triste."

(Translation: "Oh, my God! Have you seen his head? It's a disaster! He looks like a sheep that got into a fight with a pair of scissors. Poor thing! He was so handsome with his long hair and now he looks like a soldier on haircut day. A very sad soldier.")

Her friend starts cackling, and Mrs. G joins in, both of them laughing in the hallway.

I just stood there for a second, a huge smile on my face. I turned around, walked right back to them, and said in my best (admittedly clumsy) Spanish:

"Senora G, que exagerada! Parezco un soldado triste, eh? Bueno, al menos soy un soldado con mucho menos calor en el verano."

(Translation: "Mrs. G, you're so exaggerating! I look like a sad soldier, huh? Well, at least I'm a soldier who is a lot less hot in the summer.")

The look on her face was priceless. Her jaw just dropped, and she let out this little squeak. Her friend started laughing even harder, pointing at Mrs. G.

For a second, I thought I'd offended her. But then she just burst out laughing, grabbed my face in her hands, and gave me a big kiss on the cheek.

"Ay, picaron! Tu si que eres un travieso!" she said. ("Oh, you rascal! You are a little troublemaker!")

Now, every time she sees me, she critiques my look in Spanish on purpose and we have a good laugh about it. She still offers me food, but now she also makes sure to tell me exactly what she thinks of my new shirts or haircuts, and I love it. Honestly, her genuine, unfiltered opinion was way better than any fake compliment I would have gotten in English.

I was waiting for my train at a station in London. I am Indian but born and raised in the UK. I speak fluent Hindi and Punjabi.

Two aunties were sitting next to me. They were clearly from India, visiting their son or something. They started talking in Hindi, loud enough for everyone to hear.

One of them said, Look at that girl with the red bag. So thin. She must be starving herself. In our time, we ate properly.

The other one laughed and said, And that hair. So messy. She thinks she looks modern but she looks like she just woke up.

They kept going. Commenting on every girl that walked past. Their clothes. Their weight. Their makeup. Judging everyone.

Then they looked at me. I was wearing ripped jeans and a hoodie.

One said, And this boy. Sitting here like he owns the place. No respect. In our village, boys dressed properly. His mother must be so ashamed.

I just sat there. Silent. Smiling inside.

Then the train came. We all stood up. As I walked past them, I turned and said in perfect Hindi, Aunty ji, meri maa ko meri jeans pasand hain. Aur woh bhi kehti hain ke apni beti ko thoda aaram karne dein.

Translation: Aunty, my mother likes my jeans. And she also says you should let your daughter rest a bit.

Their faces went red. One of them grabbed the other's arm and whispered, Oh god, he understood everything.

I just smiled, gave a little nod, and got on the train.

Didnt look back. But I could feel their eyes on me the whole time.

I don’t know if this belongs here but here we go. I was walking in the street minding my own business when a guy started saying. Hey miss you are pretty or something like that.

i just ignored it and went in my way. Idk if he was going the same way or follow me but he started saying pssss pretty lady pssss like idk he is calling a cat. I was annoyed, his ethnicity was clear and I could speak his language.

I turned around and told him in his native language (evident also by his accent):

are you proud of yourself, behaving this way?

rn some other idiot is doing the same thing to your mother and sister! I hope you are ok with that too!

the dude went blank (especially in their culture The mom and sis is really someone you don’t touch lol)

he was like wait what? what?

You heard me, aren’t you ashamed already ?

he stopped following me I laughed so hard. I hope this taught him a lesson !

I'm a white guy from the US but I lived in Spain for about 6 years during college and grad school. So I speak Spanish pretty fluently.

Last weekend I was at the mall killing time before a movie. I sat down on one of those benches in the middle of the walkway to check my phone. Two women, probably mid 30s, sat down right next to me and started chatting in Spanish. At first I wasn't really paying attention.

Then one of them starts going off about people walking by. Commenting on everyone's outfits, their weight, their hair, just straight up roasting strangers. I kept my head down, pretending to be on my phone, and just listened.

Then she started talking about me. Said something like "look at this guy sitting here alone on a Saturday like he has no friends. Probably waiting for his mom to pick him up." Her friend laughed and said "he's kinda cute though" and the first woman goes "yeah for a loser."

I put my phone down, looked right at her, and said in Spanish "thanks for the compliment, but I'm actually waiting for a movie. And my mom dropped me off."

Her face went bright red. Her friend just stared at me with her mouth open. The first woman started stammering and said "you speak Spanish?" and I just smiled and said "si, y tu español es muy bueno, pero tal vez no deberías hablar de la gente tan alto."

Translation: "yes, and your Spanish is very good, but maybe you shouldn't talk about people so loud."

They got up and walked away so fast. I sat there laughing for like 10 minutes. Best movie pre-show ever.

This happened a few years ago when I was living in a big city. Im a white guy, but I speak fluent Spanish. I lived in Spain for a few years and it just stuck with me.

I was at a Whole Foods, waiting in line to pay. It was a busy Saturday and the line was long, but moving. In front of me were two guys, probably in their late 40s, very well-dressed in expensive-looking suits. They were clearly having an animated conversation, but in Spanish. I wasnt paying much attention until I started picking up on the tone.

One of them, lets call him Javier, was on the phone. He was talking loudly and laughing, clearly trying to impress the other guy. The other guy, Carlos, was nodding along.

Javier hung up and started talking to Carlos. Here is the gist of what he said in Spanish, of course.

That was my guy in Madrid. The deal is closed. We just made another two million. Its so easy. This is nothing.

Carlos responded, You are a machine, hermano. What about the project in Miami?

Javier waved his hand dismissively. Pfft, thats small change. A million, maybe a million-five. Its for my wife anyway. She wants another house.

They went on like this for a few minutes. It was all about their massive deals, yachts they were looking at, and how they were going to slum it at a normal restaurant for lunch because they were in a hurry. They were loud and clearly wanted people to overhear them, but they were speaking Spanish, assuming no one would understand in this part of the city.

I just stood there, holding my basket with some chicken and salad, trying not to smile.

Finally, it was their turn to pay. The cashier, a young girl, was having trouble with their card. The machine kept declining it.

Javier started getting flustered, speaking English now. There must be a problem with your machine. I just used this card yesterday for a fifty-thousand dollar purchase.

The cashier tried again. It says insufficient funds, sir.

Javier scoffed. Thats impossible. There should be at least three hundred thousand on that card.

He tried a second card. Declined. Then a third.

At this point, he was getting red in the face and starting to get angry, mumbling under his breath in Spanish, Estos idiotas... su sistema es una basura.

I decided it was my moment.

I stepped forward, smiled politely at the cashier, and said in my most perfect, clear Spanish, right to Javiers face.

Señor, la próxima vez que quieras impresionar a tus amigos con tus millones, asegurate de que el banco tambien este al tanto. Los idiotas que trabajan en este sistema probablemente no saben que eres un genio de las finanzas.

That means, Sir, next time you want to impress your friends with your millions, make sure the bank is also on the same page. The idiots working at this system probably dont know youre a financial genius.

The look on Javiers face was priceless. Carlos just stared at the floor, completely mortified. They both went completely silent.

Javier fumbled with his wallet, pulled out a wad of cash, and paid for his few items. He didnt look at me, not once. They just grabbed their bag and walked out as quickly as they could without running.

I paid for my chicken and salad, and the cashier, who obviously didnt understand a word of the exchange, just looked at me, confused.

I just smiled and said, Have a good day.

I was in Paris on a sightseeing bus a few weeks ago with my nephew and brother, and a family gets on (grandma, grandpa, mom and baby). Grandpa/Mom/baby go upstairs to have the good view, grandma is left with the stroller on the main level. There’s a few other strollers so no real room for her to keep it open. She tries to fold it but has no idea how to work it.

She’s struggling to try to get it down and maintain her balance while the bus is moving, and I hear her say “Como hago esto…” (how do I do this) and realize she speaks Spanish. I’m fluent and coincidentally also have that stroller and know how to fold it.

I look at her and say “Si te sirves podría ayudarte con este cochecito” (if it helps I could help you with that stroller). She thanks me profusely, I fold the stroller and she sits down next to me where we chat for the next 25 minutes in Spanish about her family, their trip, etc.

Was a really nice random interaction!

I was at the library last week looking for a book to read and I was standing in the children's section because I was looking for a specific book that I used to read when I was a kid and I could not find it anywhere else.

There was a little girl there with her mom and she was maybe five or six years old and she was looking at picture books and she kept looking at me and then looking at her mom and then looking back at me.

I was wearing a long flowy skirt that day because it was hot outside and I had my hair down and I guess I looked a little different than usual.

The little girl tugged on her mom's sleeve and said in French "maman regarde. elle ressemble a une princesse. j'adore sa jupe."

Her mom smiled and said "oui elle est jolie. mais on ne dit pas ca tout haut."

The girl said "pourquoi?"

Mom said "parce que ce n'est pas poli de parler des gens comme ca."

I pretended not to hear them and kept looking at the books. But honestly it made me smile.

After a minute I walked past them and I said to the little girl in French "merci petite princesse. ta jupe est jolie aussi."

Her eyes got so wide and she hid behind her mom's leg. Her mom started laughing and said "oh my god she is so shy. she was just telling me how much she loved your dress."

I said "I heard her. she made my whole day."

The mom said "she has been asking for a flowy skirt ever since we saw you."

I said "she should get one. every princess needs a flowy skirt."

The little girl peeked out from behind her mom and waved at me. I waved back and said "au revoir petite princesse."

She said "au revoir" really quietly and then hid again.

I walked away smiling and I still think about that little girl sometimes.

Nothing dramatic happened. No one got embarrassed. Just a sweet moment with a kid.

I was coming home from a really long shift at work and I was exhausted and I just wanted to get home and sleep so I called an Uber and got in the back seat and just closed my eyes.

The driver was on the phone with someone and he was speaking Spanish so I could hear everything because I took Spanish for like three years in high school and I still understand most of it.

He was telling his friend "este pasajero esta muy callado. no ha dicho ni una palabra. a veces es un poco incomodo cuando no dicen nada pero bueno."

His friend said something back but I could not hear it.

The driver laughed and said "si. parece que va a dormirse. ojala no se duerma y se pase su parada."

I was so tired but I also did not want him to think I was being rude so I opened my eyes and said in Spanish "no estoy siendo grosero. solo estoy cansado. trabaje todo el dia."

He looked in his rearview mirror with his eyes wide and said "oh! hablas español?"

I said "un poco. entiendo mas de lo que hablo."

He laughed and said "pense que eras un pasajero misterioso. no sabia que me entendias."

I said "no te preocupes. solo quiero llegar a casa y dormir."

He said "te llevo rapido. descansa."

I closed my eyes again and he turned down the music and did not talk on the phone for the rest of the ride.

When we got to my place he said "que descanses. y perdon por hablar de ti."

I said "no hay problema. gracias por el viaje."

He smiled and I went inside and slept for like ten hours.

Nothing dramatic happened. Just a normal interaction with a nice driver.

This happened last Saturday in a coffee shop in downtown Miami. I was sitting alone at a small table near the window, working on my laptop with my headphones on. I had my jacket on the chair across from me because I was saving the table while I worked.

Two women, maybe late 40s, came in and there was no free table except the one next to mine. They stood there for a second looking at my jacket on the empty chair and then sat down at the table right beside me. I didn't think much of it and went back to my work.

Then one of them started talking to the other in Spanish. At first I wasn't really paying attention but then I heard her say something about me. She said:

"Mira a este tipo, ocupando toda una mesa para él solo como si fuera dueño del lugar. Ni siquiera está comiendo, solo mirando la pantalla como un zombie. Típico americano, tan entitled. Vienen aquí, ocupan todo el espacio, ni siquiera intentan hablar nuestro idioma. Extranjero inútil con su laptop y su café fancy."

Her friend laughed and said:

"Tranquila, no nos entiende de todas formas. Míralo, pelo rubio, ojos azules, seguro que es de Ohio o algo. Seguro que piensa que 'gracias' es un tipo de salsa."

They both started laughing.

I kept a straight face and let them finish. Then I slowly took off my headphones, turned to the first woman, and said in Spanish:

"Perdón, señora, ¿me podría decir dónde está el baño? Es que no soy de Ohio, soy de España, viví allí 20 años, y me parece que el único extranjero inútil aquí es la que no sabe que no debe juzgar a los demás sin conocerlos."

The look on her face was priceless. Her friend just froze. They both stared at me for what felt like forever. I smiled, stood up, grabbed my jacket, and said:

"Que tengan un buen día, señoras. Y la próxima vez, tengan cuidado con quién hablan."

I walked to the counter, ordered another coffee, and went back to my table. They finished their drinks so fast and left without even looking at me. The barista saw the whole thing and gave me a nod and a smile.

Best coffee I ever had

I was at the park last Sunday just sitting on a bench and reading because it was a nice day and I wanted to be outside instead of stuck in my apartment. There was this woman sitting on a bench maybe twenty feet away from me and she was on the phone and she was crying.

She was speaking Hindi so I could hear most of what she was saying because I grew up speaking Hindi at home with my parents. I was not trying to eavesdrop but the park was quiet and she was not exactly being quiet about it.

She was saying stuff like "mujhe samajh nahi aa raha kya karun" and "woh mujhe chhod kar chala gaya" and "main akeli hoon." She kept wiping her face with her sleeve and her voice was cracking the whole time.

I sat there for a few minutes trying to decide if I should say anything because I did not want to make her uncomfortable or embarrassed. But she was really upset and nobody else was around and I thought if I was crying like that in public I would want someone to at least ask if I was okay.

So I walked over and I said in Hindi "maaf kijiye. main sun raha tha aapko. kya main kuch madad kar sakta hoon?"

She looked up at me and she had this surprised look on her face like she did not expect anyone to understand her. She said "aap Hindi jaante hain?"

I said "haan. meri family hai."

She was quiet for a second and then she said "mujhe abhi pata chala ki mere boyfriend ne mujhe dhoka diya hai." And she started crying again.

I sat down on the bench next to her and I said "main samajh sakta hoon ke aapko kitna bura lag raha hoga. kya aap baat karna chahti hain?"

She told me about her boyfriend of three years and how she found out he was cheating on her and she had no idea and she felt stupid and she moved to this city for him and now she has no friends or family nearby and she just felt completely alone.

I listened to her for maybe ten minutes and I did not give her advice or try to fix anything. I just let her talk. She said "aapko kya lagta hai mujhe karna chahiye?"

I said "honestly I don't know. I have never been in that situation. but I think you should call someone you trust. even if they are far away. just to hear a friendly voice."

She said "I don't want to bother anyone."

I said "you are not a bother. thats what people are for."

She smiled a little and said "thank you. you are very kind."

I said "I hope things get better for you."

She said "I think they will. it just hurts right now."

We sat there for a few more minutes and then she said she was going to go home and call her sister. She thanked me again and walked away.

I never saw her again. I don't even know her name. But I think about her sometimes and I hope she is doing okay.