r/lostlove

I got divorced from my wife three years ago. We were together for almost ten years. The first year post-divorce was very tough. Especially since during this separation phase my wife moved in with another man. For the first two years even seeing a photo of her was distressing.

My wife married again not long after our divorce was finalized. This stung a little but I had already started to move on from her. This last year I've felt i was really over her. I came to realize that while I spent a lot of great years with her and have great memories that ultimately we weren't the greatest fit. I could now say that I am completely happy that I am no longer in that relationship.

I'm 50 years old and I've only had two significant loves in my life. My ex wife and my first girlfriend. I had only a couple relationships in-between and they weren't very significant.

My first girlfriend Amy was my first love. We were each others first everything and took each others virginity. Our relationship straddled high school and our first year of college. We went to separate high schools and colleges and lived about 30 minutes away. I broke up with her the summer after freshman year, I think the distance was a big reason. I saw how my friends all had girlfriends that they saw daily and I usually only saw her on the weekend. She took the break up very hard.

After we broke up we saw each other a couple more times but that was it. Then it was over two years later when out of the blue she called me. She said that it took her so long to get over me and that part of her will always care for me. She was really honest and didn't hold back. But I was the opposite. I recollect that i came off as kind of cold to her. What she didn't know is that a few months prior I had been hospitalized after taking a deliberate overdose of pills. I had developed extreme anxiety and panic attacks and this was the 90's where there was a stigma with mental health and a really lack of mental health services. Looking back taking the pills was a cry for help.

So when Amy called me I went into avoidance mode. I didn't want her to find out. We talked for less than ten minutes and I remember saying that I would need to call her back later at another time. She made me promise that I would call her back and I promised that I would. But I never called her back.

I moved out of my parents house not long after and told my parents not to give anyone my number. Not only did I not talk to Amy every again but I also cut off my best friend and several other friends. I guess it would be called ghosting today. Amy called my parents house a couple more times to my recollection.

The truth is missed Amy immensely and i was still in love with her. I just didn't want her to know about my mental health struggles. I wanted to get myself right and then look go see her. Over time I was able to get my anxiety under control and I understood the panic attacks and what they really were. I think in some way I yearned for Amy all my 20's. By the time I felt like myself again a good five years had passed. That's the weird thing, five years isn't really that long of a time. It's certainly within the normal time to each out to an ex. But to me in my 20's, five years might has well been 50 years. It felt like too long to contact her.

I got over my relationship with Amy but I never ever got over the fact that I broke my promise to her. It always bothered me that Amy thought I just didn't care enough when the truth was I always did. I would think about her from time to time and i would think about trying to find her but I kept getting caught in that time trap where 10 years felt like too long and 15 etc. I just went on with life.

Then in my late 30's I found Amy on Facebook. I told myself I should reach out to her. There was nothing on her profile that indicated she was married or in a relationship. But I didn't message her. Seeing her photo brought back some emotions and I told myself I needed to wait because if i was going to message her it had to be a serious apology and not emotional trauma dumping. I knew that any message from me could possibly be confusing to Amy because I was the one that left her and never got back in touch like i promised.

Not long after I found Amy's profile I started dating my now ex-wife. That's when I decided it wouldn't be far to my new gf or Amy for me to reach out. So i didn't and to be honest Amy faded really quickly from my mind because I fell in love with my new gf.

I didn't think about Amy much at all during my decade long relationship with my wife. I told my wife about Amy during one of those conversations where partners talk about their love history. I told her everything. How we were first loves and how she reached out two years later and then I promised to call but essentially ghosted her. My wife encouraged me to reach out to her to apologize. But i never did. I said too much time had passed. And i still didn't think it was right to do while I was married and while Amy had obviously long gotten over it. I really felt it was my problem to deal with and up to me to stop blaming my younger self. And that's sort of what i did. I didn't think about Amy.

Then out of nowhere three nights ago, after having not thought about Amy in many years, I had a dream about her. In the dream we are our current ages (both 50) and just talking and its very friendly and i feel ecstatic seeing her. Since then I really haven't been able to stop thinking about her. But its regret that mostly has come back to me. The pain I caused. The need to make amends. But then I think that we were each others first loves, first everything and that its normal to have these thoughts and give space to them. That the time to contact her and make amends has probably long past. I don't know 50 year old Amy. I knew 20 year old Amy.

Why are my thoughts about her now so intense? Is it because I've turned 50 and I'm taking a roll call of my regrets? I'm looking back on my mistake and my brain is trying to make sense of them.

Anyways. I have no plans to contact Amy. Part of me wants to because I would love to just talk to her again. But another part realizes that to Amy I have likely been this complicated figure; her first love but also the first one to cause her heartbreak and someone who broke a promise to her. I know for certain that she got over this a very long time ago. The only thing that makes this possibly different is that first loves do have a connection that is unlike other relationships. Maybe there is a part of her that still wonders what the hell happened and why I disappeared.

So i have been in a relationship (long distance)with her for almost 3 years it's wants us to be separated like breakup it's been 2 months

She is avoidant and narcissistic type but i love her

she is behaving like this she blocks me ingores me I almost stay under stress for hours everyday I think i wouldn't message her and I do and get treated like shit I'm just trapped I just wanna be better I dont things are being so hard for me everything is feeling fuc*ked up I couldn't concentrate I couldn't study stress is killing me Yrrr

I just wanna get better

I never thought I'm this weak I just need wanna be better

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(*warning some parts may be hard to read\\\\\\\*) This may not belong here but I dont know where eles to tell this story

My first love was in high school. We were both the very epitome of country boys. Talking mudding in trucks riding horses and that ever present Copenhagen ring (which I do not partake in anymore thank god). It was a secret love hidden and private like our own little story just for us. I was the one that struggled with it the most. I didnt want the world to know buy I dreamed of the day we could just be ourselves in our families or with friends. He always told me to stop writing him letters cause its not like we arent around each other 95% of the day anyway. But I couldnt help it I wanted that boy to know all about my time away from him and our secret kisses and embraces. I would go on endlessly about what the future was to hold for us never shy about any topic, because it was just for him to read so why not.

That is until his mom found them all. He warned me to stop but still kept every letter I gave him. He hid it away like all things we had between us. Not because of embarrassment but for shear survival. When his mom found them she gave them to his father. They read my most private thoughts meant for the love of my life. They read about the future we dreamed of having together.

Then they confronted him, well you can imagine whay thay was like. It was the late 90s and in rural America home of the brave land of the free unless you liked another boy that is. They fought loudly so loudly that the neighbors ended up calling police. The police found a 17 year old boy with a broken nose and 2 black eyes and a handful of broken ribs. They of course took the dad into custody. He mean while ran to the only safe place he could think of after getting out of the hospital. He called me to meet him at our spot. It was a wide spot on a long forgotten trail on a mountian that had no name.

When I arrived I found that same beat up Chevy truck. The one with the 6 foot bed that his feet would hang off the back of as we would lay watching the evening sky holding one another. Under the drivers side windshield wiper was a note. The very first thing he had ever written me I knew he had a challenging day but I had gotten my.first note from my love ever. I snacthed it up quick as lightning and smoother then any pick pocket ever could have. Then I read his words to me it was an apology for all that was about to happen. He professed his love for me and how he never thought he would find anyone let alone one as great as I was in his gorgeous deep brown eyes. He went on to tell me how he was scared of what would happen when his dad got out. He knew the fight wasnt over that many rounds were yet to come from it. Then I read the directions that I was to call the cops. I was not to follow the directions and find him myself. I did not need the directions I found my love in the place we called heaven the very first place we ever kissed. He had taken his own life using the revolver his pap had given him. It was the hardest thing ever to leave him and go for help. They had me take them to him but I couldn't get more then 100 yards close i didnt want to see it again. My love died a half mile off a wide spot on a forgotten trail on a mountian that had no name. Due to ignorance and the feeling of no way out of a bad situation. My parents didnt handle any of this news well. I was kicked out and sent to live with a cousin that 4 hours away. I didnt get to attend his funeral I wasnt welcome. So I went to our heaven and camped alone for 5 days there. No one looked for me, to be honest no one cared. I have been single ever since that day all those years ago. You.dont date anyone after your letters get the only person you ever wanted in this world hurt. So many times I wished I had just listened to him and stopped. I am more sorry to that beautiful boy that never got to live his life. I dont even have a picture of him his memory is all that I have left.

When I was a teenager I was in love with a boy, a boy that didn't love me back. No matter how much time has passed, I still see him in my dreams. I don't go on Facebook because I'd see him and his life with other people. Do you ever get over the love of your life? How do I stop idolizing him? How do I stop trying to find people that look like him?

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now. Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week). He eventually broke things off with me saying he can’t proceed because he doesn’t have feelings. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems. He had a rough childhood growing up and his parents recently started living in separate households. Any insight and opinions would be helpful bc now I have to embrace singleness and I can’t seem to picture myself with anyone else and feel sad that I lost him :(