r/poeticgarden

They always asked my favorite color.
I always said purple—and how could it not be?
Everything was purple: my dolls, my walls, my favorite princess.

Then I started to answer pink, because how could it not be?
Everything was pink: my skates, my dollhouse, and the ribbons in my hair.

So it became cyan, and how could it not be?
Everything was cyan: my inflatable pool, my hair bows, and my most beautiful dresses.

Then I grew up and was no longer asked.
They want to know about boyfriends, about which college I’m going to—things they think really matter.

But my favorite color? Red—and how could it not be?
Everything is red: my eyes after a bad day, the notes in my journal, and the scars I hide on my wrist.

It is the color of the fire that consumes me. It is the color of love I so long to receive. It is the color of the slap mark on my face after disappointing them once again. It is the color of the bottle in my hand as I desperately try to run away.

It is the color of my soul, of my failure, of my pain.

I miss the simple questions about things I liked, where the answers once represented me.
Now they only ask about my future—questions whose answers, according to them, will define my value in society.

Today, when I meet someone,
I do something different. Looking into their eyes, I ask:
“What is your favorite color?”

When the day is over

the clouds disappear,

But my mind is still crowded,

just like every year.

This day feels numbing since you left,

No warning, no goodbye,

Just silence and breath.

You chose the needle, the smoke, the high

Over the fear in your children’s eyes.

“I’ll be back soon”, you swore it was true.

But addiction always came before we did to you.

I counted the nights by the sound of my breath,

Afraid of the quiet and what shall be next.

My childhood slipped through my trembling hands,

Replaced my survival and backup plans.

As time went on I gave up on you.

I just wanted to live, to prove something new.

That I survived the things that destroyed you.

Here it is the grey monster

Sadness

Sticking it tongue

Poisoning my head

But surprisingly

Giving me verses.